We Need To Talk · 11:38am Apr 1st, 2021
I changed my mind about my previous blogs. I realize how foolish and childish I may seem in hindsight, but I hope you can forgive me for my irrationality. Despite how much I try, I just want to be around you guys. You mean so much to me. I can’t just give you guys up. That’d be really selfish of me.
As far as the content on the site goes, that’s mostly my choice to view it. If I am diligent and aware of what I’m viewing, who cares what the people here make? If they’re making awful content, it’s none of my business. I can just ignore it and go about my day. Don’t let a few bad eggs spoil the basket, right?
So with that out of the way, I’d like to take this time and say...
April Fools.
Of course I wouldn’t dream of staying here, like a whipped dog or an abused spouse. It’s true that what other people make is none of my business. So I can ignore them and just get away from the site. All of a sudden, The Horny isn’t as prevalent as it once was. And the sensation from online activity is irrelevant. My goodness, I feel a lot better. Validation from seeing red numbers isn’t as strong.
My life is busier than ever anyway. I figure you guys might want to know an update.
If you’ll remember, a year or so ago, I mentioned that a black kid in my church community, Christopher Ocansey, accidentally committed suicide as a result of a Tik Tok trend. (As if we needed any more reason to hate this trash pile of an app) Chris’s family consists of a single mother and her other son, Jacob, who’s four years old. The mother works a night shift, which means if no one else is in the house with Jacob, he’s alone. So she reached out to me and asked if I’d be willing to come over at 11:30 PM from Sunday to Thursday for the indefinite future and sleep there. I accepted, and my first night was this Sunday. I’m getting paid $30 per night for just sleeping, so that’s pretty cool. (I honestly expected way less, considering my desire to aim low and their current state.)
This house has five locks on the front door, cameras and voice recorders in every single room of the small apartment, gates blocking entry into the kitchen, and gated-off sections of the house. Jacob is the kind of kid who rides scooters indoors, watches tv at 6:30, punches me when I don't let him raise the volume above 20, and runs into the parking lot. He also wakes up several times in the middle of the night, notably at 2:00 and 5:00, basically without fail, to talk with me about something trivial. If he has to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I have to stand in the doorway, because if left unsupervised, he’ll play with the toilet water or the toilet paper. On my second night, he peed his pants, and I had to change him in the middle of the night. I at least sleep in the same room as him. Sometimes it’s like I’m looking after a pet.
In the morning, I have to hop the gate into the kitchen and give him A) lukewarm special milk that’s been left out all night, and B) two cups of yogurt with a drop of honey. And of course it had to be yogurt, because personally, I don’t like yogurt. Hate the smell, hate the texture, hate all them little bones in it. And all this as the tv blares in the background with some cheap YouTube Kids movie where the discount Dude Perfect actors are selling themselves out to children. I tried to get him interested in the 2003 animated Clone Wars, and sure, he watches it, but he’s also easily distracted from the distractions. Everything’s background noise to him. I have to keep him occupied until around 8:45, when his mom gets back. Then I saunter forth back home. Takes me about 20 minutes. Home’s about a mile away, past a CVS, an Aldi, and a Dollar Tree. Ya boy’s about to raid CVS the day after Easter and buy a bunch of candy 50% off. Especially jelly beans. Jelly beans are based (except the licorice ones), and only communists don’t trust them. I’m kidding. Mostly.
The other news is that I’m working for an old man, also in my church community, who’s getting ready to move really soon. I’ve been working at his house ever since about February. He’s not only old, but had surgery in his right shoulder, and his wife isn’t around often because she’s a schoolteacher. So for $10 an hour, I come over to his house on Tuesdays from 9 to 4-5 and do chores--laundry, dishes, vacuuming, dusting, sweeping, mopping, taking out trash, cleaning bathrooms--as well as helping him pack things up and organize what’s going with him and what’s being donated. Sometimes, I have to come twice a week. For the indefinite future, that’s my schedule.
Of course, this is all on top of college work. I’m starting a new semester in the spring, but this semester is ending soon, and you know how that stress is going. With that next semester, I’m going to get an Associate’s Degree in marriage and family studies so I can work up to being a therapist or counselor. I’ll also be the first among my siblings to get any kind of degree, even for my older brother.
But that’s all just a preamble to my preparation to go on a mission in the late fall. I talked about a mission before, but this time, it’s actually looking serious. I gotta submit papers, raise money, be spiritually and physically worthy, and obtain the Melchizedek Priesthood and my temple endowment. Getting away from the site, again, really helps you stay clean, start over, and be closer to the Lord. You’re not surrounded by furries all the time.
And, of course, there’s A Rather Large Adventure. I promise I’m working as often as I can manage. I can’t leave this unfinished. But it’s not the highest priority in my life right now, and it probably should not be. In the event that the story is not finished by the time I depart, I’ll submit a final chapter before I leave giving an explanation, the outline of the chapters I haven’t written yet, and what I’ve managed to write.
Finally, don’t mistake my disdain for the website’s content and the fandom as an indictment upon you guys individually. You’re my friends, and I’ve made close ties with each of you through the years. I don’t hate you. I love you. Which is why I plead with you to look beyond this website and search for greener pastures elsewhere.
Awww, still going to miss you. But again, it's your choice. Once you've finished A Rather Large Adventure, I hope you enjoy yourself and succeed in life. Because you can do it.
Best of luck to you! *hugs*
Best of luck to you on your future endeavors.
I would like to thank you for the last statement. I'll admit, I may not be living like I'm supposed to, but I do love the Lord and continue to pray and worship him.
I may like some of the questionable stuff the fandom produces, but it's not all I care about.
The reason I want to thank you is because for me I struggle with (for lack of a better word) insecurity.
I like to play poker, the scratchers, I also love to have a drink or two every now and then. But because some people see those as sins, I feel like I'm sinning. I struggle with making my own judgements because on how other people feel .
So again, I want to thank you for your last statement.
5488013
Every day, we can make improvements. The Lord wants us to be perfect like His father eventually, but as long as we're just mortal, simply doing better than the day before is enough.
Very good choice
5490109
Thanks. Not many remember the ancient times of the early 2000s.
It deeply assures me that you value your friends on here. It warms my heart even.
The only reason for why I can’t help but wish you won’t leave this site is that you were the first person here that reached out to me and helped me feel welcome beyond anything. In the end, though...I’d remember that the decision’s yours to make.
I wish you the best of luck.
I only hope that there’d be another way for the two of us to keep in touch other than on this site, because that would truly be a wonderful thing.