Mental Health Thing · 2:55am Mar 26th, 2021
Hi, it’s me, Yellow. I feel horrible. I’m in my usual slump. This time around, it’s actually a bit worse, but still not as bad as actual depression. This time around, a lot of dark thoughts go through my head, and I’m ignoring the majority of them. However, I decided that it would be a great time to take a moment and communicate with all of you who have a similar problem.
To those of you who feel constantly horrible, to the point where you’re gasping for air suddenly randomly. To those of you who clutch your chest when suddenly it feels like everyone’s watching and judging you. To those of you who wish they could just break down into a pile on the floor, as the room gets tighter and smaller.
I understand. I’ve felt like people hate me for being born. I’ve felt like multiple heart attacks come up, but instead it’s just a random panic attack that’s there for no fucking reason. I’ve wanted to just burst into tears for years now.
I’m not an optimistic person. I don’t even think of myself as a decent person. However, I can tell you with certainty, there’s still the future, and it can absolutely be better than this shit.
So please, if you need to, go get some help. Talk to a friend. Talk to someone. Please. I’m over here, crying right now, because I feel fucking awful from disappointments, stress, and anxiety. I feel horrible for feeling horrible. So at least let me know that I’m not alone.
I personally haven’t experienced what you are experiencing but hey, it’s very rarely just you suffering from a problem, just got to know where to look.
Ive had moments where I sit and think about my life. Those tend to just spiral into only thinking about everything I've done wrong or just haven't done, it can be a little unbearable. I wish I could say that I knew a fix or something but I just tend to go through those thoughts and go about my life till the next bout (some can be more unsettling than usual). Although, I will completely agree with you that the bouts do get easier if you have someone to talk to. I don't have any closer for this, or if this is even something I should have written down, but just know that there is always someone out there willing to listen and that sometimes (at least I think so) we all just need a good cry.