well crap · 8:28pm Mar 12th, 2021
feeling like crap again. never felt worse. i know how you feel devonus, i really do. and it's not pretty. i'm sorry you had to go through it, and now here i am going through it. nothing worse than being anti-suicidal however, i couldn't kill myself even if i wanted to. i can't even kill an animal for gosh sakes. i can't kill anything. i want to end it, but i can't, i won't, there's too much weighing on me for me to just go. i have to stay here, i have to push through it, i have to be the better person, i have to not give up, i have to i have to i have to
i have to be here for you guys, i can't leave you all here
it is better for one man to perish than any of you. i'll still be here, i have to be. it's just... life is so unfair, why am i the one who hurts myself constantly
it's my fault i'm this way
i's my owN DUCKING FAULT
I HATE BEING THIS WAY, I WANT TO CHANGE BUt i don't know HOW
How do i change
why am i this way
is this some trial given to me by the lord to see if i'll turn to him in prayer?
well guess what it's not helping me at all
i grew up too fast
i'm nothing but a scared little child who wants nothing more than to be free of the world and be himself for once and enjoy life
but i can't
i'm 4 years away from being an adult
i've let the roses die, i've let all the time pass me by, all because i was being pushed to be the best i can be
and guess what
i was the worst i could be
...what happened, Mark?
Did something happen?
5474018
Yeah. I have (will probably very quickly be "had") a special somepony, and I told my parents, but I'm not supposed to be doing any dating at all, and I've yet to get a verdict, but it'll most likely end up with a break-up, and now I'm starting to feel terrible.