Catharsis - Trailing Thoughts · 12:12am Mar 6th, 2021
The last few days have been good ones.
Classes, which used to be literal hell on earth, have been made a much nicer affair due to a new facility opening up nearby to me.
And let me put it this way: Two classes a semester, 4 semesters, free snacks, great teachers, and large, friendly class-discussions.
And being a favoured student, by being one of the few who actively leads and/or starts these discussions. Meaning we actually learn what's being taught, instead of just memorizing it, writing it down on a piece of paper, and forgetting it.
So, I've been in heaven these past few, getting like 2k done a day on various writing projects in the middle of classes, and generally feeling good.
The positive vibes are great.
Oh, also- you might notice the lack of other blogs. Been planning a purge for a while, and dropping this story was when I decided I’d do it.
Try and keep things relevant, unbloated, and the rest, y’know?
But anyways, this was basically an addendum. Onto the actual blog...
Have you ever been called ‘an inspiration’ by someone?
I hadn’t. And I still can’t quite fathom it.
Yet, someone did.
...
I was talking about some things I’d been through in my life. With, what’s basically a total stranger- but someone who was going through some things similar to what I had. Someone who decided to come to me for advice, out of nowhere. Just because they knew I wasn’t involved with anything they were going through.
Only that they knew there was a chance I’d understand. And that they could answer honestly when asked ‘how are you doing’ instead of the responses we give to friends and family when asked that.
I did what I usually do when someone comes to me for advice, or just to vent out of nowhere- I listened, gave my own perspective, and advice.
Things were... a bit different this time, though.
It’s... personal. So I won’t post the discussion itself, but I ended up summing up a lot of things I’d been through in these past few months. Specifically, things that’d come to mind, conclusions I had made- and, perhaps more importantly, my beliefs, and how I’d reinforced and changed them over time.
I touched on willpower, mindsets, a bit of everything. Things that, if they were said generally, would probably come off as self-help bullshit. Just without the toxic positivity, more introspection, a personal take, things like that.
I was worried that it would come off like the bullshit, though. It’s a bit difficult to see how people will react to anything you say, especially if it’s something that’s personal, something that’s been building in you for a while.
But, apparently, it came off well.
Apparently, this is exactly what they needed to hear.
Apparently, I’d managed to completely empathize with them. They didn’t even really know what to say- just that everything I was saying resonated with them.
I kept going. I was on a roll, as funny as that sounds.
And, like the opener said. They called me, or at least, my attitude towards things, and my personal conclusions, inspirational.
And I still don’t quite know how to react to that.
But talking about some things... it helps you finish processing them, I think. Regardless of if it’s ‘inspirational’ or not, you’ll ‘know’ when you feel right. When you feel solid on your beliefs. On everything.
Strangers are great for that, I think, as odd as it sounds.
Something I’d been thinking a lot about these past few months, too, is how happiness works. How to achieve it, in a way.
Of course, early on, you learn that rule #1 is that ‘you can’t achieve happiness, it’s a byproduct of accomplishing something else.’
Whether that’s heading out to grab a drink with some friends, carrying hard in Titanfall 2 (Frontier Defense Ronin Gang rise up!), reading a good book, getting a promotion- it can honestly be anything.
So long as, y’know, you’re accomplishing something.
Distractions are a bit of a devil, in that way. They’re good at making you forget the bad things for a while, and it takes a bit of work to realize that ‘forgetting the bad things’ isn’t the same as ‘doing better.’
They have their place, just remember to moderate them.
And always remember, the people making videos playing games, or reading out a meme, or just being themselves- they’re accomplishing something, too. Content. That’s often why they seem so ‘in their element’ when they’re doing it.
Not to mention playing a character is a lot easier- and generally, a lot more fun- than being yourself.
There’s a reason why a feeling of dread or emptiness can follow after we do a lot of things, without really knowing why we’re doing them.
But I digress- it’s kinda obvious I’ve thought a bit too much about these things by now.
But I think, beyond anything...
I just want to say ‘if you read the story, you probably get what I'm going for.’
In a sense, this is just a small afterword. A few more sentiments I don’t think would quite fit- either because I’m still working through them, or just, y’know, they didn’t fit at the time.
... And the fact that this is probably the first and last story of this type for a while. I crave to write something enjoyable, something fun.
Fuck introspection- actually, no, don’t, it’s great- I want to make something that makes someone smile.
Because those are the kinds of things I enjoy. That make me happy.
The comments, the satisfaction of a post, and just the ability to do something creative.
To connect with someone in some way. To make something people might enjoy.
I couldn’t care less for notoriety- just that it gets out there. I want to feel proud of everything I’ve made.
Probably why I’ve made some promises to myself.
Yet again, I digress...
Expect either new stories, or story updates, soonish. Every time I say that it takes like three months, so, optimistically, I’ll say ‘hopefully sooner than that’ but recognize that there’s a decent chance it’ll take fifty years, instead.
Updates come when updates come, fuck you.
I’ve got a solid view on the next few boop updates, and a new story that’s been inspired by, of all things, my law class. That’s also probably where the totally random legal terms in Catharsis came from. So it shouldn’t be too long. No promises.
Regardless, I think I should go get a coffee and chill out for a bit. Still need to rewatch King of The Monsters. I could use a good titan-fight right about now.
Have a nice night/day/whatever else, you might be on a rogue planet or something.
And beyond anything- curate your inspirations, and make sure to never let your enthusiasm die.
Those are the prime things, over anything, that’ll make you feel... right.
I mean, hell, I went back and had a nostalgia-trip binge-watching old Yogscast Minecraft content. From Jaffa Factory, to Shadow of Israphel, to Moonquest. The shit that makes childhoods.
I even had a major nostalgia trip, PTSD style, about what first got me into writing, years and years ago. When I was like, 7, hiding desperately from the embarrassment of my parents finding out (they still never knew lmao), on my Ipod touch. Things that can’t even be found on the internet anymore- lost to history, even the archives. Old forums and stuff. Just pure memories, and fucking awesome ones at that. I think I talked my brother’s ears off about it while he was semi-drunk, though, so I’ll try and not force it on any more people unless they ask, hahaha.
Just, if you feel lost- go back and experience what inspired you back then, all over again. Even if it’s just a memory. And for the love of god, if you ‘cringe’ at it, learn to have a bit of child-like joy. Even if it is- objectively- terrible, it jived with you for a reason.
Some things, like S1-S2, were objectively good though, so do those first. Join the revolution, keep the good days alive.
And if worse comes to worst? Expand your horizons, and find something new that ignites that spark in you. Don’t judge, just dive straight in, and do your best to enjoy it.
Joseph is best Jojo, you can’t prove me wrong.
Because, if anything, you owe it to yourself to never let that spark die in you. I’ve seen it happen to people.
You don’t want that.
Anyways, I’ve rambled for too long. Enough outta’ me, FocusWriter is telling me I’ve written a short-story for this blog already. I’m just some random fucko on the internet, who cares what I have to say.
You’re only here for one of three reasons: You read my dumb horsewords, you’re one of those weird people who cares about the authors more than their works, or you just. Read random blogs.
Either way, you’re dumb.
~ L-N, always the enigma ~
Regardless of how long that series goes on Speedwagon will always be my favorite. Part 2 is my favorite as well, although people say part 7 is good too. I read Jojo all at once when I was a teenager. The series was at the end of part 6 back then, so I need to pick it back up.
Having emotional distance without developing apathy is a good thing, yeah~
Best of luck dude.
5468899
Agreed. Speedwagon is the ultimate waifu. And yes, I know what I said. Waifu.
Definitely. Getting myself settled, and working through things without just... giving up and letting the flow completely take me, it's been nice.
I appreciate it! Things are feeling good for now, and while I know they'll get rougher, I'm plenty ready to keep marching on!
You're not just shouting into the void; I might be another dumb stranger, but it's always positive to see things on the up and up. Keep up the great work, and enjoy your life!