Silence is Golden · 5:46am Feb 5th, 2021
I've been keeping to myself a lot lately. Now that I have a few drinks in me, I'm gonna start running my mouth. Obviously, I've been very inactive lately; especially with my stories. I will now tell you why. Back when my grandmother was dealing with cancer (the one that' still alive, not the one that had the strok a while back. She is very much dead now.) I made her two promises. She's recovered from her cancer, beat the bitch completely. However, I have nothing if not my word; that being said, I always keep my promises. Promise 1: I will quite cigarettes. I did that. Granted, I'm kind of cheating, cause I switched to electronic smoking, but it's not cigarettes anymore so it still counts. It's actually worked out well, cause my smoker's cough went away pretty quick. I'm noticeably more congested than usual, but now I'm not getting migraines from hacking up my lungs. Promise 2: I will seek help and finally push for state aid. As many of you know, I have some problems. These problems were kept quiet from everyone, my family included, for a long time. First time I got sent to the ward, word got out among people I knew. This grandma in particular was extremely worried and harassed me for a long time to seek out professional help. However, due to shit that happened when I did in the past, I avoided it. Recently, I finally decided to stop pushing it off and keep true to that promise and holy fucking hell has it been a rollercoaster of bullshit. It's brought up a lot of shit that I had happily forgotten and continues to be the biggest pain in my ass. During my assessment for aid, the lady I was talking to called me the fuck out on my bullshit and even read off my diagnosis despite having nothing on me just because she's met people with my issue before. And what I have is a actually kind of rare so that was a surprise.
To sum this is nicely; I'm dealing with the state a lot and I'm very stresses and fucked up at the moment because of this shit I'm going through as a result. I'm sorry that I've been silent and said nothing for so long, but it's better for me to just fuck off than it is to force everyone to deal with me while I'm in a bad mood. What's worse is that I've lost all motivation for any type of writing. Seriously, I do D&D and fantasy RP and even those have been put on hold because my brain is so fucking fried. I'm hoping this will eventually pass, but I don't know how or when it will happen. Best I can say is; Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
shit, man. I'm not even sure what to say to all of that. but I fell like I have to respond somehow so you know you aren't shouting into the void.
take your time, work your crap out. a lot of people come here to write out or about their issues, if you need distance then you do whatever it is you are.
I'd rather read stories from a sane person acting crazy than a crazy person acting sane.
also yeah. congestion is normal for a heavy smoker quitting. it's the tar in your lungs finally drying and flaking off. kind of like a sealed road does if pitch isn't reapplied periodically.
I hope you been good man. I’m still have an issue with fucking and then eating rats, know where I can get help?
Good luck with the future and stay safe. I hope things work out well for you.