Epic Rap Battles of Equestria: Tempest Shadow v.s Twilight Sparkle · 12:24am Jan 17th, 2021

Follow-up to MlpHero's blog post, maybe I'll make more of these, who knows. Enjoy the sweet revenge!

"Hey! Princess!"

"General Tempest? What-"

"What's this I heard from Hero about you insulting his songs?"

"Well, I wasn't wrong, his songs are anti-Equestrian and don't even get me started on the lyri-"

"I've heard enough. I challenge you, Princess."

"Challenge me?"

"You claim to know so much about good music, here's your chance to prove it. You and me, a rap battle. If you win, I'll let the matter drop. If I win, you have to leave Hero and his music alone."

"I-You know what? You're on."

"Fantastic. Let's begin."

"Oh, I'm totally on board with this!"

"Melody? Where did you-"

"Hush young padawan, now sing! I'll officiate."

"Um, okay?"

"Great!" *holding microphone* "Epic rap battles of Equestria! Teeeempest Shadow verses Twilighhhhht Sparkle! Go!"

"You first your highness."

"If you insist, General."

Now listen here, General dear
That so-called music is a pony's worst fear
The lyrics are trash and the words are no better
I’d find better diction in a Rainbow Dash letter

History is not one-sided, can’t you see?
Favoring a race that always lost isn’t the key
And if you look carefully I think you’ll find
His words are corrupting our young one’s minds

That’s exactly where you’re wrong, your majesty
His songs are inspiring, take it from me
They tell both sides of the same story
But maybe you’re just caught up in the glory

Grammar isn’t what’s important here
Music is that boy’s career
So what if a couple students sing his songs?
Technically they’re not in the wrong

Maybe they aren’t but you still are
He shouldn’t make songs that lower the bar
The songs are still a bit slow on the uptake
They’re inaccurate for Celestia’s sake!

And another thing, they always seem
To favor the changelings and Chrysalis’ regime!
You’d think if he wanted to write history songs
He’d branch out beyond the race to which he belongs

I think you’re the one with your facts not straight
He’s written plenty of songs like that to this date
Spitfire, For Griffon and Glory, see, I have to disagree
Because he’s even got one about me

“Explain that, Princess.”

Simple to do, you’d call that a challenge?
I’ve seen worse writing from Spike’s talons
Those songs are exceptions, not the norm
Changeling ones still take the world by storm

And I may not be a military history buff
But when it comes to culture I know my stuff
Half of the things that he says are lies
It’s enough to make a filling for Pinkie’s pies!

I highly doubt that he’s the one lying
Considering you left him crying
But sure, if you’re ready to claim you’re smart
Why don’t we finally put this battle to a start?

I was beginning to think you’d never ask
Beating you won’t be a big task
I know you’re strong and I’d hate to offend
But in brains you didn’t quite get that end

I can lecture until Luna wakes from her rest
You won’t beat me in a history test

So you say, at the very least
But in military history I’m a beast
My knowledge in the subject is far greater than yours
And at least I’m not such a bore

“What?!”

Your lectures put everyone to sleep
When they see you talking they up and weep
But this is a battle, is it not?
So let’s see what you’ve got

You really think you can win in a battle of wits?
I’m so sure I’ll take bets of a thousand bits
But you say you think you’ve got me caught?
Fine then, go ahead and take your shot

Deal, I’ll give you five chances
If you can prove you’d win this dance
I’ll end this battle here and now
Ready? Here comes the first one:

Why did kirin kind once attempt to declare war?

That’s simple, it was a misunderstanding
They thought the guards she sent was Equestria expanding

How long was the battle of Western Equestria then?
Surely you know such a simple question

“I-thirty years!”

Wow, Hero’s right
You are an idiot, Twilight
It was thirty-three days, no more than that
Common fact

I’ve got this, okay?!
I knew that answer, I just had a mental delay
You’re throwing me off-
Don’t you dare scoff!

If you insist you’ve got this
I suppose I can go harder, Princess
Third question, and you’ll move up in rank:
When did the battlefield first see Changeling Tanks?

T-That question doesn’t count,
You’re cheating, to an amount!
Why would I learn changeling history?
You’re the one dating it’s royalty!

Firstly, leave Pharynx out of this
His son is the one you’re messing with
Second, you’re dumber than I thought
I figured you read every book you’ve got

But fine then, how long did the Battle of the Everfree last?
On top of that, when was Princess Luna banished after the fact?

“A month and October 31st.”

“Three days, and October tenth, Princess.”

“Arrghhh!”

Okay, this is getting sad so I’ll cut you a deal
Answer the last one correctly and I’ll appeal
Consider you a true military history buff
But I hope you enjoy your questions tough

Tell me: In the Battle of Canterlot
The battle, the invasion it’s not
It’s Equestria’s side, shouldn’t cause you alarm
How outnumbered were Luna’s guards?

“Five to ten.”

Wrong again Princess, far from that amount
It was fifteen to one, by Silverfang’s count
Guess the touch that was lost was yours
Not as smart as you were before

“Y-You… you cheated!”

“How could I have cheated?”

“You did somehow, I know you did!”

“You know what? I should’ve let Pharynx and Melody shred you instead of talked them out of it!”

“You’re my guard!”

“You of all creatures should know family comes first!”

Oh, you want to go at it?
I’ve been meaning to see who’s the best at magic!

Even without a horn I’ll beat you!
I swear, for hurting Hero I’ll split you in two!

“Uh… they could be at this a while. I’m not sure who won… you guys decide!”

Report Melody Song · 274 views · #Rap battle! #Tempest Shadow #Twilight Sparkle #Me #Revenge!

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MlpHero

MlpHero #1 · Jan 17th, 2021 · · ·

Oooh! I like it!

Melody Song

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Epic Rap Battles of Equestria: Tempest Shadow v.s Twilight Sparkle · 12:24am Jan 17th, 2021

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