Just some Feelings

most likely will delete this later Just needed to get some stuff out and will hide under a spoiler tag so unless your fine with seeing venting read ahead, it's mostly about how I view M/M shipping is viewed on the internet and personal views I needed to get out.

Gonna be honest, I have no idea what keeps me in this fandom besides my own imagination (or really any fandom at all) Considering the only thing I really care about is gay ships but that is really, really rare and I haven't yet found a writer besides myself to focus on that exclusively (which is frustrated since I can super easily find Accounts of people who only does straight stuff exclusively) that don't venture in M/F, dark/disturbing/gore themes, or having a character clearly gay-coded in Straight nsfw stuff which is highly uncomfortable and triggering for me, and there is only so long that you grow really tired of seeing the same straight vanilla popular ships showing up over and over and over again when trying to look for something new to read and finding new combos that don't sit well with me.

sure I understand why this is the case because the cast of the show is mostly female, so naturally is gonna appeal to more of a Straight crowd and frankly, that is how it is in all fanbases, Straight stuff is and will always be the most popular everywhere. it's just I don't know where that leaves me as gay-related stuff is treated as really un-prioritized everywhere on this site if the group isn't gay focused as its premises. like it super lucky to find a general group that has a certain premise or kink that remember's gay stuff exists and creates a folder for it, same with contests, it makes me feel I need permission to make something gay, and it's very...confining, unmotivating and stressful to not only write something most don't and being in the spotlight of what I write that does get attention (because from what I can tell gay stuff is held to a higher standard of making sense and being realistic and S-tier well written for some reason when Straight fics are never put up to that same standard very much and even if it is an S tier story it still has a huge chance of being super downvoted just because of its a gay fic.) It's also the fact that besides my own writing, there is just not much this site has to offer me in turns of entertainment.

also on top of the fact I'm tired of the whole "coming out the closet" or "lack of acceptances and homophobic" family, friends, etc plotline like I understand but I try to read fanfics to get away from that stuff, but sadly 90 percent of fanfics I see have that as the plot at some point and I just...want to see a setting where being gay doesn't need to be explained in the story, and that is can just exist only with being a solo focus with having straight tagged behind or in front of it...in general I want M/M stuff to feel like it's valued on the internet and not just a niche especially since my deeper passions are already niches in themselves.

but I know none of this will happen anytime soon and this what I have observed looking through this Website after a long time, so to anyone else who has an idea of how I feel if you want to tell me how do you still push through making M/M content despite everything against it? and for the people who can do M/M, M/F, and beyond how can you be fine with making content for things are for the most part already everywhere and is being made and uploaded pretty much every day by many different people who have no interest in what M/M stuff we like and sometimes need to make a comment about it like that was so important to know? and if you think I'm wrong about anything I've said here free feel to tell me, I'm looking for different perspective because I really just don't get it but I want to understand so I can hopefully make peace with more things.

also thank you to anyone who read this and I hope you understand what I'm saying