Second Part Eleven Update · 6:33pm Nov 16th, 2020
Salvete,
I found yet another inconsistency I corrected.
The part in question is when Neil realized Zeus stole his fire, i.e. his ability to control his dreams, once he attempted to mentally travel to Mandalore.
I mistakenly made Luna say this happened to her, which is incorrect, and I meant it the other way around. It seems I had a consistency issue with Luna's dialogue this time around. Oh well. That's life for you.
The original was: A chill ran down Luna's spine. The first blow by the enemy has been dealt, but it shouldn't have been this potent. "This happened to me, but late in my struggle. It's too soon!"
The correct and intended version: A chill ran down Luna's spine. This initial blow by the enemy was unprecedented. "Egad, such never happened to me. My Incubus took control only after I gave in willingly." The princess bit her lip. Things were debilitating faster than she imagined, in unexpected ways. Mayhap Incubi evolve differently with each host, as due their abilities?
I added a bit more meat to it, and reworked some word structure; the original seemed sparse in addition to being wrong.
I will continue to report on correcting such issues as I go through Part Eleven. I hope this will be the last one. Fingers crossed.
Valete.
Good to see you're still working on the story.