Next Gilda chapter paused · 4:14pm Nov 16th, 2020
In order to do a general editing pass and major update on the parent Midnight Rising story. I began it this weekend and now have three revamped and significantly expanded chapters done and posted. You are invited to check them out and comment, as I think they're marked improvement over the earlier incarnations, with a lot more detail and addressing some issues people have pointed out over the years.
As for what brought this on, it was two things. First, I'm finding I need to edit the story a bit before proceeding to make sure the new stuff meshes. And second, you may recall a review the story was once given a few years ago.
It was somewhat grudgingly listed as “Recommended”, mostly for its ending. But before that, I was severely dinged on several things, ranging from lack of detail in early chapters to nonsensical actions by the students. So--with one exception--I'm going to take all the review points under advisement and correct them, adding a lot of new detail and flavor to the story in the process.
The first three updated chapters are posted. You are welcome and encouraged to read them, but here's the cliffnotes version of the changes I've made:
This was mostly just an editing pass with a minor amount of additional detail added. I guess it's a measure of my progress as a writer that I can look back on stuff five years old and cringe at my overuse of ellipses and other things. It reads much smoother now. A few hundred additional words were added.
Here's where the first real changes have been made. I added some additional sensual flavor by expanding the scene involving Midnight taking revenge on Cinch. You may recall that Midnight turned her into a tree originally? Now, she's turned into a statue for reasons that will become clear later. Yes, I'm going to dare to dabble in a little sensuality for her as well, as I took pains to show what she was wearing beneath her skirt, and have Midnight inform her that she's left her trapped but aware of what's happening around her. Total addition was about 700 words here.
This was the first chapter I got severely dinged on by the review, because I initially had the guys snapping pictures of Indigo when she was stripped naked despite their initial fright and the danger of the rifts. They still do, but this time, I give a good reason for it. I've greatly expanded the scene by nearly 1200 words, adding a ton of additional detail around what happened before between Indigo and Twilight. Suffice it to say, Midnight is now taking a very specific revenge for an earlier humiliation, and magically arranges it so it all happens. I truly think it makes far more sense and is a much better chapter now.
The one thing I did not change in this chapter was Flash Sentry's treatment by Midnight, despite the review calling it cringe. In all honesty, I would since I now think that was overly-mean of me, but the scene was just too popular with readers to touch. It also led to the all-time most upvoted comment on any of my stories.
So there you are. Thanks go to AJ_Aficionado for prereading this, as I know this story is not his thing. But that can be a good thing as he can analyze it dispassionately; he caught a lot of stuff I hadn't and made a fair number of suggestions. In any event, more updated chapters will follow over the next few days. I'll post blogs about them all.
PS: I also updated the first Gilda chapter to answer a commenter's concern by dramatically expanding the part where Gilda first sees Rainbow and AJ through the portal. There's now a much more extended exchange between the group with additional asides by the pub crowd around Gilda, where AJ lays out exactly why she doesn't like Gilda among other things. If you'd like to read that, just open the chapter and search for "Aw, you hear that, Rainbow?", and then read forward. The next twelve paragraphs or so are new.
More updates to follow as more chapter revamps are finished. For those of you who read them, comments on the updated chapters would be very much welcome.
I shall wait until the more has been edited before I start reading it.
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No problem. Hope you enjoy whenever you get around to it.