Funner Cannon · 1:17pm Nov 11th, 2020
Lately, I've been playing a lot of Hades, a Greek mythology-themed rogue-lite where you try to resolve the pantheon's family drama by repeatedly attempting to escape the underworld.
Don't worry, I'm going somewhere with this. Mild game spoilers ahead.
The main tools at your disposal are the Infernal Arms, not so much weapons as the Platonic ideals of weapons, forged to help the gods overthrow their parents during the Titanomachy. These include all the classics you'd expect from the sword-and-sandal genre: A sword, a spear, a shield, a bow, spiked gauntlets... and then there's Exagryph.
See, Exagryph, the Adamant Rail is a freaking gun, because Supergiant Games will find a way to give their plucky isometric hero at least one kind of firearm. (Though going by the name, it's possible the thing uses magnetic acceleration.) It also fires grenades, because of course it does. Several of the lore documents and in-game conversations talk about how its secrets are kept from the mortals for good reason.
So, where am I going with this? Well, as weapons that are as much conceptual as physical, the Infernal Arms take on new forms most suitable for their wielders. You can awaken three previous forms for each: one for an appropriate mythological figure (Chiron for the bow, Achilles for the spear, etc.), one wielded by the Olympians in their war with the Titans... and a secret one that reaches outside of Greek mythology entirely. You can turn the sword into Excalibur, the gauntlets into the claws of Enkidu, and Exagryph itself into the laser cannon Lucifer apparently wielded in his rebellion.
Have I mentioned that this game is ridiculous and I love it?
So, again, where am I going with this? Well, let's review: These incredible armaments are the things of gods and heroes, reshaping themselves to best fit their wielders. One of them is an anachronistic, man-portable firearm that shoots explosives, considered so dangerous that it qualifies as That Which Man Was Not Meant to Know. Also, you begin each run in Tartarus.
Makes you think, doesn't it? 
As a mythology nut and a Hades, the god, stan, you've intrigued me. where can I find this game?
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It's available on Steam, the Epic Games store, and the Nintendo eShop. I will say that Hades doesn't get the most flattering portrayal, but he has his reasons.
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Aaaand I can't access either of those.
Still. It sounds fun!
Hades is incredible and Lucifer's laser cannon literally made me burst out laughing when I first tried it.
Why won't the world stop telling me I need to play Hades? I'll get to it one day, I swear, I just have a bunch of other games I want to get through before. I might pick it up next time it's on sale though.
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It's... not DRM free on GOG. Oh well. :P
So, you're saying that Pinkie's party is cannon, is, in fact, the raw ideal of "gun", forged and used by the gods themselves, which she probably got by impressing said gods with a really good cupcake recipe.
As with basically everything ever when it comes to Pinkie Pie, this simultaneously explains everything and nothing at all.
(Also, it really says a lot that Hades came out over two years ago, (albeit in Early Access) and yet people are only talking about it now. I can't decide if this if this a commentary on the Epic Games Store, Early Access, or the pure market-share of the the Switch. Probably all three.)
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Don't be silly.
Obviously, Pinkie somehow wound up in the underworld. While their, she took advantage of the gods' love of debauchery and fun, throwing a massive party that even they could not keep up with. Once they were all passed out, she stole the Exagryph, turned it into her party bazooka, and used it with her Pinkie Sense to escape and return to the overworld.
Naturally, when the gods awoke, they were upset they had been tricked, but decided to let her hold onto it. Partially as a reward for the party, partially for her cunning, partially out of curiosity to see what this strange "mortal" (they have their suspicions she may not be) pony would do with such a thing, and finally -- although they will never admit it -- out of fear of what will happen to them if they were to try and face Pinkie Pie and take it back.
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And it’s also the cupcakes since she was adopted by kratos and before she started baking they never existed (yes I’m referencing a fic) but in all honesty she bribed me with no surprise party’s for a year for it
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The single problem I see here is Pinkie stealing something. it seems more likely that she decided to "borrow" it, and since noone ever came to take it back she just assumes it's not that important.
Hah! Nice. :D
Maid Dusa is a precious bean and must be protected.
So that's the reason for Fantasy Gun Control, the concept of "gun" was stolen by a descendant of Loki.
That is some fantastic head-cannon.
Can't wait to see this :3
ASPECT OF PINKIE PIE
The magnitude of her personality is exceeded only by that of her minimum safe distance.
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burbles in anxiety and is promptly lost to the rafters
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I'm not saying you need to play it. I'm just pointing out the possibility that Pinkie took a souvenir with her after breaking out of Tartarus.
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I'm going to side more with the "impressing the gods" hypothesis (or the above "Look what I found!" possibility) than overwhelming them with debauchery. This Hades is a very no-nonsense manager, but he still shed tears of lead when Orpheus first played for him. Though they are probably afraid to ask for it back. That mare clearly has an in with the Fates.
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Funnily enough, Norse mythology is nowhere to be found in the hidden weapon aspects. Even the spear channels Guan Yu rather than Odin. A conspicuous absence now that you say something...
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Stygius: Aspect of Rainbow Dash
Her speed shall shatter the sky. Her will shall buckle for nothing.
Varatha: Aspect of Rarity
She will elevate both creation and destruction to purest art.
Aegis: Aspect of Fluttershy
Chaos shall intermingle with itself, guided by a gentle hoof.
Coronacht: Aspect of Twilight Sparkle
A mistress of the arcane will have no need for arrows.
Malphon: Aspect of Applejack
One does not need fists to be a living weapon.
Ended up in serious flavor text mode for these, but I think the weapon associations work out quite nicely.
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M:tG has trained you well.
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Rainbow Dash: loads up on boons from Zeus and Hermes
Rarity: Artemis and Aphrodite, precision and cheesy romance
Fluttershy: Mainly grabs Athena's boons for defense, also possibly gets boons of Chaos from Discord
Twilight: Gets Demeter's boons out of respect for organizing the season wrap ups
Applejack: Poseidon boons for knocking fools around
Pinkie: Dionysus, nuff said. Maybe also Ares since she's got a berzerker mode and is the only one of the mane 6 to regularly field weapons
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I'm not saying you're saying I need to play it, just that you're one of the many ways the universe is telling me to.
What do you mean the world doesn't revolve around me?
Personally, I think Lucifer's laser Canon makes sense. First time I read paradise lost, I imagined the cannons and whatnot in lucifer's rebellion to be laserish weapons.
It dose make sense the more you think about it.
I would say Twilight gets the Sword, Rarity Gets the Spear, Applejack gets the Shield, Fluttershy gets the Bow, Rainbow gets the fists and Pinkie Pie gets the Cannon/Gun.