I'm just so Tired.

So this is gonna seem like I'm seeking attention, which was not my intention, I just need to get this out. Ignore this or not, idc, I just want to write this down.

I'm so fucking tired.

I'm tired of dealing with the state of the world, I'm tired of this fucking lockdown, I'm tired of everything.

Sometimes the weariness gives way to anger, which burns brighter and higher the longer I exist in the real world. I have to dampen it, close it within my chest, so that I will not burn those close to me.

If I could lay down and wake up again when the world is fixed and strife is but a distant memory, that would be wonderful, but that will not happen in my lifetime, and most likely never will.

I don't want to die - existing is a boon, and I could never give up on him, but if I could just disappear for a little while, vanish into another world, even for a day, I would be gone.

Existing is just so damn tiring, one thing to another, bouncing around in the stream of time. I understand that this world will not get better without humanity helping it, I understand that I am needed here to fight.

I don't want to. I don't want to have to fight at every single turn for a chance for a stable life, for the hope of fixing the world.

I don't want to be angry and sad from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep. I don't want to have to immerse myself in the internet to drown out the horrors of reality.

I wish that I could tell people that I am not ok, that I want to disappear for a while, and then reappear with the childhood innocence I once had, ready to take on the hellscape this we live in.

You are all great, but I don't want to live behind a screen and put on a specific personality for each person I interact with. I want to be me, free myself from these societal constructs and all the shit that comes with them.

I just want to stop being so tired.

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My day has been pretty shit, to say the least. Sleep deprivation, combined with the start of uni and the world going to shit has made it pretty hard on me. I'm still here, though, I'm still writing, even if most of it doesn't see the light of FimFic. This community, for the most part, is great, and I love being a part of it.

Thanks, small colored horses.

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[TheLegendaryBillCipher]

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