Seeking Power Revision Notes · 4:33am Jul 11th, 2020
Well, it took two months and ate up far too much of my time, but I revised Seeking Power to a point where I'd enjoy continuing it. As such, it's no long on hiatus, and I'll be updating the text here over the course of the next hour or so. It was the first writing project that I sent out into the world (that still exists), and it really showed. You can still read the original version here.
Now then, you should really just reread the entire story, because the revisions snowball pretty heavily along the way (and the story is just better delivered now), but I've documented most of the significant changes here for those who want them.
Character Changes
Star Charmer ---> Flurry Heart (pegasus downgrade as with Cadance)
Daisy Wishes --->
- Sunset Shimmer (Twilight’s first mentor)
- Moon Dancer (substitute archmage [administrative])
- Chrysalis (substitute archmage [field work])
Tarsus ---> Thorax (non-metamorphosed; pony name Espionage)
Bon Bon ---> Sweetie Drops (secret agent upgrade for the contrast/double reveal with Lyra)
Quicksilver ---> Ember (gamer group upgrade)
Blue Belle ---> Autumn Blaze (gamer group upgrade)
Structural Changes
Chapters one and two got split into three chapters. The original comments for the chapters are preserved in the new chapters one and three.
Chapter three got split into two chapters, the new chapters four and five. The original comments for the chapter are preserved in the new chapter four.
Chapter five got split into two chapters, the new chapters seven and eight. The original comments for the chapter are preserved in the new chapter eight.
Chapter six got split into two chapters, the new chapters nine and ten. The original comments for the chapter are preserved in the new chapter ten. Also worth noting, the new chapter nine largely gutted the material it took from the old chapter six. Reading it is probably a good idea as it’s mostly new content. On another note, Sunset Shimmer now features in the new chapter ten.
Chapter seven (now chapter eleven) got massively reworked, largely by gutting old material that no longer works with the story and replacing it with updated character beats.
Chapter nine (now chapter thirteen) was more or less stripped of most of its material and rewritten entirely. The changes earlier in the story propagated forward, and the old material just doesn’t work anymore.
Chapter ten (now chapter fourteen) was entirely rewritten up until the snowball fight.
Some extra scenes here and there, some reordered scenes, some outright dropped text, several completely redone scenes, and a few plot points either shuffled off further down the timeline, crushed beneath my uncaring hoof, or brought forward from the future. To make a list of them all would be incredibly cumbersome, but the most important ones are given in the section below.
Every chapter now has an opening line of mysterious purpose.
Major Changes
Twilight sat out a brewing of tensions centered around her between the peerage and the commoners in her lab as she went about her work, largely oblivious to the whole affair. This winds up tying into a bunch of other trouble being stirred up while Twilight is off in Ponyville.
Sunset Shimmer’s role in the story has been brought forward. Her subsuming the role of Twilight’s first mentor will have some pretty significant ripple effects. She also stole Luna’s crown.
On a similar note, Moon Dancer now properly exists in the story. She doesn’t have much to do in the beginning beyond keeping Celestia company while Twilight is away, but circumstance (i.e. when Twilight’s tragic flaw finally gets the better of her) will eventually force her to step up.
The changeling subplot has been revamped and had some adjustments made to tie into later events in the story. It certainly helps now that I have named changelings from canon to work with. Chrysalis in particular gets a much bigger role.
Ocellus exists and joins Spike and Flurry Heart in their shenanigans.
The gamer group changed out some members and will have a more important role in the story in the future than just named background ponies with some speaking roles.
Twilight’s character arc(s) got overhauled. Same direction, same destination, but better delivered.
Sweetie Drops (Bon Bon) and Lyra get their canon relationship upgrade from the get go.
Twilight makes a deal with Luna early (as opposed to when it would have happened much, much later).
Luna tells her story at the beginning of the new chapter twelve.
I really hated Flash Sentry when I first outlined/wrote this. I mean, I still do, but this was right after Equestria Girls came out before Rainbow Rocks, and emotions were raw. I didn’t even like Sunset Shimmer yet, and she’s my second favorite character in the series now! At any rate, I’ve tweaked his character implementation here to be less…pathetic and creepy at the starting gate.
Minor Changes
Some minor character renames and subbing out some old background ponies for more developed canon ponies (e.g. Blue Belle -> Autumn Blaze).
A calendar update. The old calendar worked largely on base ten. The new one operates with five days to a week, three weeks to a moon, seven moons to a season, and four seasons to a year. A seasons starts on the appropriate solstice or equinox with the year beginning on the summer solstice.
A subplot about Luna absorbing an energy field bigger than her head has been dropped. If you don’t remember it, no worries. It only ever got a couple passing mentions in the old material. On another note, Luna now has a vastly expanded role in Equestria while she dreams in banishment. The hints about what she’s been up to have been expanded a bit, but her actions won’t fully reveal themselves until after she’s back.
When I sat down to really square everyone’s ages with the setting (Twilight is ~27), I ran into some discrepancies which quickly became impossibly frustrating when the CMC entered the picture. So with some vigorous hand waving, I repeated to myself that it’s just a story. I should really just relax. This isn’t a change so much as a notification.
Dropped skeleton spells since they don’t serve the greater narrative and were only rarely mentioned.
Fleshed out more of Lyra’s background.
Dropped the military subplot in my effort to remove as many OCs as possible now that I have an overflowing canon cast to work with. I have more interesting subplots to put in its place now anyway.
Rarity will get her intelligence agent offer after Twilight has spent more time with her and come to trust her more.
O&O is canon now, which is amazing, so I’m going with that.
Twilight has kirin heritage now, because when I read that explanation for her rage form in Sunset Reset, it was entirely too good not to appropriate for my own use. This has actually kind of snowballed into more significant consequences down the line.
The Night Guardian Staff gets a tiny bit more screen time early on with Trixie.
Most of the government plot line is getting shuffled off to after the solstice (and maybe even past that after Twilight screws up big time).
Each Element’s secondary abilities got tweaked a bit to be more streamlined.
Spike and Sweetie Belle’s entwined plot line got restructured and slowed down. They still officially meet at the same time and have roughly the same opinions and/or worries about each other, but it’s more subtly approached in the beginning now.
Glad to see this and you back in general.
Between this and Austraeoh coming back, 2020 might turn out to be a decent year yet. Can't wait to reread this and I look forward to the updates!
I'll be honest... I'm damned excited about this. The changes all sound like they make sense and I can't wait to see where the story goes from here.
When I read the revamps on your site I was already hyped. All the improvements make the story feel so smooth and it's amazing! Also, Sunset Shimmer is pretty much my favorite (or second at least) as well, which is odd cause I do not like Equestria Girls.
TBH, I am seriously excited that this story shall continue! I love your writing style, and your massive amount of detail to the worldbuilding, more so the 'Lore' and Scientific elements added to Magic.
Thanks for the notes. :)
Highly appealing as the idea of just rereading the whole story sounds in isolation, there's unfortunately the issue of the amount of time it'd take, and how many other things want that time from me.
...Argh, the notes do quite make me want to just go through it again, though. :D
...Except the one about the age problems. Argh for a different reason. [sighs and commences own hand waving]
Oh, yes, and congratulations on finishing the revisions!
yay can’t wait to reread!!!
Woooooot!!!
Reread time!!
Thank you so much for continuing this!!
Excellent! Looking forward to reading more of this story.
ohh wow... thought this was going to eventually go into my "Dead Stories" library. Glad to see I was wrong!
It may just be the familiarity, but I honestly preferred the old version.
Holy shite.
I wish more authors would give insight to what they wrote and why like this.
I wish you had kept the old version up, and just published a v2 separately.
This was always one of my favorite versions of twilight, along with fon shaolin’s Defense in depth
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There's a link to the old version at the top of the revision notes if you want to read it, but that version is super dead. It's the same story, just an embarrassing rough draft.
I’m really happy to see this. I read Seeking Power a bit ago and I actually really enjoyed it. I’m super looking forward to doing a re-read <3
If Flash Sentry was worse before I am glad I didn't read the story before the rewrite or I would have written an Omake with Shinning Armor killing him.
My god, it's really happening. Hell has frozen over, pigs are soaring through the sky, and Seeking Power is off hiatus. All of these changes seem good.
I'm working my way through a re-read (new chapter 8 at the moment) and I like it a lot. I'm really happy to see this project revived and to rediscover it once again.
Important Question.
Will reading this spoil a lot?
As the story popped up recently I guess a significant number of people may be reading it now, so it would be sensible to make a note in that regard.
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Hmm, not particularly. There are some minor spoilers about who shows up in the story, I guess, but nothing that would ruin anything, I think. Maybe hold off until after chapter 6, 8 or 9 if you want to be super careful. On the other hand, if you haven’t read the original version of the story, there’s not much to be gained here unless you slog through that inferior product.
Boop!
:v//
pls sir, can we have some more?