Well, it took me and three other TWE admins, but we finally managed to finish one of the hardest edits I've done with the TWE. It's taken us a damn while, seeing as we wanted to make it good, not just legible. It took determination, music, incredibly bad jokes from me and Steel, coloured text and a fuck-ton of perseverance, but I reckon we managed to do quite well with the established ideas. I'll give you the basic gist of the story.

>OC
>Self-insert
>Gary-Stu (Survived a 120 MPH collision.)
>Cliches (Sweet Celestia, so many cliches)
>Dickhead peripheral 'best mate' (Who I killed, painfully yet realistically.)
>Bad dress sense

Let me give you a quick demonstration.

Pre-write:

When I arrived
On fire, IT WAS MY DAD"S business building!, AND IT WAS ON FIRE!. "DAD!" I shouted. I Quickly got out of the car and ran
Towards the building. I was pushed back by a couple fireman, " What are you NUTS?!" said the fireman. I shouted at him " MY
DAD IS IN THERE!!!" I stand back and watch the building burn down to the ground. i was completely shocked and worried if my
dad was gonna be alive. After they took down the fire that took 20 minutes, I sat down on a bench and put my head down and
Starting moaning in pain of what happened to my dad, no tears, just moan, i always hold back my tears, even though it's not
Good for you. I Heard Loud footsteps coming towards me it was the fireman that pushed me back, "...is...he.... OK?.." I said
in a Sad voice. " I'm...sorry to tell you this but... he didn't make it, the fire burned him alive, the body was not found, we
believe the body was cremated while he was in there". I opened my mouth and gave him a wide stare at him, There was no
words I can say of what happened.

Rewrite:

I pulled up outside the shop, frozen with fear. Greasy, black flames licked through the front windows, scorching my face even at this distance. Firemen rushed around, setting up equipment and pushing civilians away from the growing inferno. "Dad!" I yelled, sprinting towards the building.

A fireman leapt out of the cab of his truck and tackled me. "What the hell are you doing! The place is gone! Get back behind the cordon while we try and put the fire out!" he shouted, dragging me across the softening tarmac towards the makeshift boundary. I could do nothing as I watched the building burn to the ground, sending huge clouds of dark smoke tumbling into the sky. Slumping against a shop window, I tried to persuade myself this wasn't real. However, the immense heat and flashing, vivid sirens presented me with plenty of evidence to the contrary.

It felt like hours, just watching the dancing flames, listening to the crackle of destruction running across the wood and glass of the shop. I was paralyzed; I couldn’t focus on moving any parts of my body, simply focusing on a single face: Would Dad be ok? I guess my hearing shut down as well, because as the water flew from the hoses to start their long, one-sided battle against the fire, it was a muffled spray.

Man after man rushed into the blackened skeleton of the building, picking through the debris. Their shouting didn’t quite make it through my mind, but one started walking towards me. “Hey kid, you alright?” He asked, or at least I think he did, putting a gloved hand on my shoulder. The weight barely registered as I continued to watch the flames rage. Finally, I turned back to the fireman, barely aware of anything beyond the sweltering heat.

Apologies for the massive text dump, but I thought I'd give you some kind of indication! I cut a bit off the end to keep the blog short enough to remain interesting. So yeah, I'd just like to offer my massive thanks to Steel, Iggy and Square for getting this finished, wrapped up and sorted. I believe the entire chapter is about 3,000 words now, up from about 1,500. Bloody good job, lads.