All Good Things… As Yet Untitled...

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13th June 2020

Hello, Chaps and Chapettes,

Over the course of doing these blogs, I’ve mostly discussed what has been on my head during that day or at the time of writing them. There’s plenty I could talk about today based on what I’ve been experiencing, I’ll give you a quick rundown;

I took part in a planned roleplaying game (like Dungeons and Dragons but with apocalypse ponies) on Second Life this morning. That lasted for four-five hours and was hilarious fun, after Lunch l moved my room around and put up some hooks on the doors so now my dressing gowns have a place to hang up, not laze around on the floor or a chair. While doing this, I logged onto Discord and talked with friends I hadn’t spoken to since February. Next was a fun family (on dad’s side) quiz which was the one I’ve performed strongest in so far, thirteen-fourteen questions right out of twenty! Finally, a nice twilight walk a chippy supper and touched up the mohawk I gave myself for charity (please see the link below).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0U6Zg3UHXY&t=262s

Plenty to talk about from a busy productive day, yet it could have been different. I only found out early this morning, while signing on to play the RPG which I’d agreed to do a few weeks before, that there was a social-distancing party taking place for a family member from the other side of my family. If you were wondering why I said dad’s side earlier, now you know. The problem with this is that I haven’t seen that part of the family forever and would have quite liked to, but finding out at that point in my day just wouldn’t have worked for me.

There were already plans in place that I’d agreed to and was looking forward to. I wasn’t going to change those for a last-minute offer. You can probably all agree with that. Yet, if I had been free, would I still have gone? Personally, this time I might have made the effort as my ideals and resolves have changed with the effects of the coronavirus. I currently see what it is to value the people around you. However, if I had, it would have also been dipping of the toe into the water to see if the change was only on my part.

It’s not something I want to rant about, simply discuss, however before lockdown I was feeling pretty jaded with this part of my family. While I am something of a hermit, I also do not want anybody to feel like I have done them wrong and would rather have the chance to make some sort of amends. Instead, I feel like I’m not a member of the family to that side, I simply don’t exist. Birthday wishes on messages had sometimes been ignored, some of my birthdays had gone without any well wishes in return and when I do go to meetups there have been times when I’ve felt like I may as well have smeared myself in manure.

However, it could be that this is my overactive mind taking over. A mere indifference or a simple message or expression can be lost in translation for my brain, turning into suggests that I’ve annoyed that person, or that they don’t want me around, or worse. I don’t know if everybody gets that or if it is just me but sometimes I shut up, seal up or hide away in my own flat because I assume that I am not liked. Even on the format of the internet where I can be more comfortable, I still get pangs of this.

So, what can I offer you here? What can I give that is the big take away from this? If anything, it can be that if you have ever felt this way, then you are not alone. You now know at least one other person who has felt the same and if you need to reach out and get a message of positivity back then you know where to come. The next thing I can add is that sometimes you do need your personal space and you do need to do the things that others do not understand, but that is important to you. They will accept that if they are true friends and family and if they do not, then accept them but do not pander to them. Some friends as true to me as family taught me that.

Lastly, don’t let their feelings, should they truly feel the way you think they feel, stop you from seeking out the people right for you. There will always be people you cannot please and if you are someone who needs that acknowledgment, it can be hard, but have faith in yourself. There are always people out there who can accept and befriend you for who you are, so do not stop looking. Let those who cast stones at you alone and let those who heal your bruises stay, and if you have to bend over backward for someone, let it be because you wanted to, not because you felt obliged to.

Stay safe, stay happy.

All good things,
Love, Scaramouche.
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