Director's cut for "Caught and Punished", chapters 13 & 14 + an update on another story.

First, this is going to be a long one again.

Because I primarily (but not always) write light-hearted, silly stories, chapter 13 of Caught and Punished was overall the most enjoyable to write up to this point.

Up to this point in Caught and Punished, Starlight and Sam had been shown either talking, listening to music, or eating when they’re at home, so it was long overdue to show them do something else.

My first thought was to have them fly kites together, but characters flying kites with Starlight isn’t exactly the most uncommon thing, so I wanted to try something else. I couldn’t remember any stories that used the in-universe Dragon Pit game, and since it was a game Starlight loved playing as a filly, that made me go with that as the thing for them to do; I just had to come up with rules for it. As I said in the author’s note, the cards were just something I thought up for the game. If you are a fan of the Yu-Gi-Oh! anime, I’m SURE you knew where Starlight’s “heart of the cards” line in this chapter came from.

Anyway, in the MLP:FIM season 7 “Uncommon Bond” episode, Twilight said she remembered the Dragon Pit game, but it didn’t seem like she played it herself from how excited she got when a ball tapped her game piece, which by the way, I ran with in this chapter and had fun with her. Even so, with this being an AU story, I had it be a game that Twilight, as well as Spike and even Shining Armor, liked playing too. I also make it a point to up the cuteness in general for both Twilight and Starlight in this chapter.

On a side note, you may have noticed that, as the story went on, Sam started saying Starlight’s name first when he said both her and Twilight’s names back-to-back. This is a subtle sign that Starlight is the closest Sam is to. I do a similar thing with my OC Eric Reed, where he ALWAYS says Twilight’s name first when saying her and others' names back-to-back unless there’s a reason for him not to -- because he’s the closest to Twilight. My “default” order is to say Twilight’s name first then Starlight when I say the two names together; since Twilight came first in the show, I say her name first.

Another thing worth noting is when I thought of this chapter, I planned to have Sam play Dragon Pit with just Twilight and Starlight. I soon changed my mind and had Spike play too, but just had him come later in the chapter. I’m glad I did, because I had a LOT of fun with him and Twilight, though Twilight didn’t enjoy everything he said! 

Also, “the face” that Starlight gave Sam was a bit of a callback to chapter 1, when Twilight did her version of it while trying to get Sam to agree to take Starlight. Obviously, it didn’t have a name back then. But this time, Starlight did it. This was also why Sam didn’t say what Starlight did in front of Twilight when he said that he let Twi win the first game, because Starlight tried to make him tell her his surprise. He didn’t want to risk Twilight getting any ideas again. This was even brought up in narration, but I took it out during editing.

And that brings me to the edits, and there were a few noteworthy ones. The first, and the biggest one by far, was the part when I bought up how Sam got enough protein. This was something I was already thinking of bringing up and since I mentioned in the comments that EQG is canon in this story, I also had to have “Rainbow Rocks” happen off-screen, but bring it up. Neither the portal nor anything about fish was mentioned before editing, so everything about it was added in editing. I did wonder about trying to bring Sunset Shimmer into the story, but I couldn’t think of a place or role for her.

But back to the edits. More edits were about the percentages Twilight brought up when she was in a good shape to win, and about the exact spaces the characters moved their dragons in the final turn for both games. They were all there before editing, but I made some errors with the numbers, so I went over it a LOT to make sure everything was correct. Making sure there were no “continuity errors” with how many spaces the dragons were from winning in the last turn of the games was especially tricky. Getting that completely right was tougher than you might think it was for me.

One last edit came after the chapter was published. It was the part about winter being brought up. Chapter one mentioned that it was getting close to winter, but I forgot about that.

A final note about chapter 13: Twilight saying that she was writing four checklists for next Tuesday, besides it just being a Twilight moment, was a little reference to one of my favorite episodes of FIM, Lesson Zero. If you don’t remember, it was on a Tuesday that Twilight had to report to Celestia about something she learned about friendship.

Finally, on to chapter 14.

Unlike chapter 13, which I got the idea for while I was writing chapter 9 or 10-ish, chapter 14 was something I planned before the story was submitted, but I wasn’t 100% sure how it would go, other than it would be one where Starlight goofs up, but with good intentions. Anyone who has seen seasons 6 & 7 of FIM knows about how Starlight sometimes came up with wacky plans, which sometimes worked, but other times it blew up in her face. Since the Starlight at this point of the story is roughly how the canon Starlight was in mid to late season 6, it was time for Starlight to goof-up with spells.

I had a bit of trouble getting going in this chapter, but once I got to around the part when Starlight finished giving her “surprises” to the Mane 6 and Spike, my slow start ended.

I didn’t realize this next interesting fact until I was in the editing phases of the chapter. I had a story idea that I didn’t completely drop, but became unlikely I’d write and even forgot about it, which would have taken place a few days after the “Every Little Thing She Does” episode. I would have had Starlight try to make up for her mind-control idea by trying to do stuff for the Mane 6, but it would fall apart because of her habit of not always thinking things through. That story would have been similar to chapter 14 of Caught and Punished, but with no humans (obviously) and Starlight wouldn’t have used spells.

Bonus points if you figured this out, but Twilight saying that she was writing checklists for next Wednesday wasn’t a random choice. It was continuity from the previous day in chapter 13, when Twilight wanted to make checklists for next Tuesday.

Now, one cut I did during the scene at Twilight’s castle. Pinkie Pie did a 4th wall break, where she mentioned the “shadows” of those reading this story (AKA you). Because this story isn’t a comedy, I later cut it. I even thought about cutting the part with the paper saying that Twilight was debating if she should tell Flash Sentry about her crush, but that was too good to take out.

 As for the noteworthy edits without cuts, there were three. One was about what Starlight did for Sam. Originally, she cast a spell on Sam’s microwave so it would heat things up faster. It should be obvious, but I had no idea how to make that end in a way that would ruin Sam’s dad’s chair, and was partly why I had something of a slow start. I soon made it far easier by just having Starlight cast a spell on the chair directly.

Another edit was about when Starlight went to Fluttershy’s cottage. I showed her go there at first, but later took it out once I decided to not show Starlight try to go to all of the Mane 6 and Spike. I just made sure that Fluttershy, as well as Rarity, explained what happened later in Twilight’s castle.

The third edit was to Twilight’s reaction about Pinkie wondering if what was happening was due to ghosts. Originally, Twilight simply said that she didn’t think ghosts existed, but from the story she told the canon Starlight about Hearth's Warming, she might believe in ghosts, or at least certain spirits. That was why I chose to edit it to where she just doubted it. How it was at first was even what led to Pinkie’s 4th wall break about shadows, so due to this edit, that 4th wall break would have had to go anyway, or be adjusted.

Lastly, that update I said in the title. A story that I said would be out in 7-10 days in a past blog, and had a BADASS Starlight picture as the hint for what would happen. I planned to have out by tomorrow at the latest. But, it took me a bit more time than I thought to get it to feel "right" during editing, so it will be a few days longer. The hard part is done, but it's just the annoying part that I hate the most is that's left now: fixing the remaining grammar errors.

In the meantime, guess I'll at least show what the story's thumbnail is planned to be.

Comments

[RandomGuy101]

Starlight in that story pic is hot! (Help me... )

Can't wait for your new story!

Lot's of work is going into Caught and Punished and it's easy to see that. Keep up the good work!