Alive and stuff · 11:49pm Mar 31st, 2020
So, um, yeah, I'm alive and all that. Didn't mean to be gone for so long - really, I was just planning to take the week off after that last log-on on February 12th, but then there was a whole chain of (admittedly for me, not-so-) hilarious events that began with me spilling water all over my laptop's keyboard, and ended with me being unable to even turn it on (I ordered the part I'm pretty sure I need for it a few weeks ago - it was originally supposed to be here by today, but everything's gone to hell so fast, who knows when it'll get here).
I'm now using my uncle's Mac so that I can complete my online classes (another minor tangent - I'm kinda glad I decided to only take online courses this semester, it helps a sense of normalcy that I can go right back to doing what I was doing) - I suppose if there is a silver lining to this, it's the fact that I had frankly wanted to familiarize myself with Macs, since I had only ever used Windows PCs on a regular basis before.
So first off, I wanted to thank all of you who added Dual Discovery to your favorites, or any sort of personal "good stories" list - it means a lot to me - I dunno if I should be admitting this, but frankly one of the things I struggle with most as a writer is my confidence. The stories always sound so good in my head, but then I always end up neurotic over the transition to the physically (or rather, electronically) written word.
I had not realized it was customary to go around and thank people for adding stories to their favorites, or awesome stories bookshelves, or what-have-you. Next time, I'll try to keep on top of that better, and do that before the notifications disappear from my bell.
Same goes for Secret Scum, I now realize.
Anyway, for the original purpose of this blog - I wanted to discuss the inspiration behind Dual Discovery. I hope to one day have someone asking me that, in an interview or what have you, but until a point when that happens, I suppose I'll need to do so myself.
I digress - I'll start off by saying that I had a similar (though not exact) relationship with this story as Hideaki Anno had with Neon Genesis Evangelion. Now, those of you who are familiar with that series, and the circumstances that led Anno to create it, will probably at least have a vague idea of what I mean now - but for those of you who don't, he created that series after he fell into a deep depression following the completion of work on another series, as well as the failure of another. He has said that the plot of Evangelion follows his four-year depression.
While my inspiration for Dual Discovery was not depression, it was a negative emotion. In my case, it was loneliness, that sort of loneliness where you feel it slowly eating away at the edges of your soul, to where you're afraid to look - as you might have lost a part of yourself permanently. Also, I have not found my way out of it yet, so the ending is perhaps a bit hopeful/unrealistic, perhaps like the ending to Evangelion (well, the original ending to the TV series, anyway). I suppose it's a form of self-therapy. I certainly hope I can find someone like Gallus has in Silverstream, and either not let them or, or if they do go, I can get them back.
As an aside, it was doing better until this whole pandemic - but at least still, it's lessened somewhat by the knowledge that this is for the greater good, this isolation. (and there's always next year for BABSCon, which I was really looking forward to - not just the convention itself, but a roadtrip up through California with my little sister)
Good lord, this blog is rambly. Well, I'd better end it off here, before I go on another tangent.
