Happy New Year! · 6:28pm Dec 31st, 2019
First, I want to wish all of you a better 2020 than 2019, and I thank you for beaing here, reading, and most of all - commenting. I mean it, interest is the biggest driver and comments the greatest reward far past any likes/upvotes.
Second, let's do a quick recap of successes and failures to put things into perspective. As much as I whine about lack of success of "Changelings in Silver Sunlight" considering that I dragged our lovebugs down by giving them such a massive role in the overarching storyline of the war against gods, especially in "Legacy of Light", the story is doing well. Of course, by now I've done enough experiments and observation to know that its comparative failure to "Halls of changeling king" and "Exercise in Management" is not only because it's a third installment, but because understanding all its references and implications requires the knowledge of the Imbalanced storyline, namely Silver Sun stories. It was a risk, and judging by the comparative lack of interest it failed hard. As for "Legacy of Light", I'm happy I managed to restart it into a reasonable pace after finishing Harriet's trip to Manehattan and freezing completely. I found out that I can't write long updates despite what some of you wanted. My head just doesn't work well with keeping up with what already happened and what needs to happen during walls of text. It allows for better and more detailed descriptions, but I'm bad at those anyway, like really bad, which I think you know. I prefer writing dialogue, or chatter, and I would love to do another story on Half-hearted Fury and Common Crest, but since boss and One healed her eyes, it wouldn't fit too well, and I dislike writing stories which are only added details to already estabilished story events. I just need to push a story forward no matter what or I get bored (like with "To The Skies!").
Anyway, let's get to part three - what's next?
There's not much to say to that. I have "Legacy of Light" plotted out in full, and I'm thinking of scrapping a huge part of the final arc of "Changelings in Silver Sunlight" because it just doesn't fit anymore. In both cases, the stories are over two thirds finished and unless something stops me from writing or slows me down hard I should be finishing them in two or three months at most. What comes after it then? I don't have anything in particular planned out, since my overarching storyline will be over. I have two ideas, one stemming from the ending of "Legacy of Light" and featuring one royal griffon renegade and a certain changeling. The second one revolves around some kind of insane asylum and its inhabitants, not unlike what "Happines is what you make of it" was. Insanity, abuse, and mental pain are what my life is, and thus it's somewhat painfully easy to write. Anyway, whether I take one of these paths or start an actual original fantasy book, part of which I have already plotted out, I haven't decided yet. I just know that writing is pretty much the last thing I enjoy and without which I genuinely have no interest in staying around.
Anyway, that's where the writer part ends and the personal part begins, and it gets dark, so if you just wanted some info, now it's time to stop reading.
So, this pile of misery called 2019 is almost over. I want to be positive, but 2019 has been the worst year of my life, or at least its second half. I tried to kill myself again, but hey, my heart wasn't in it I suppose. Some alcohol and pills aren't exactly an effective way to do that. Now, why did it all go to hell again? As some of you know, I live with my parents at my old age of thirty (point and laugh, ha ha) despite having a well-paying job and the ability to rent my own apartment. The problem is that my father is an abusive loudmouth alcoholic, and my mother is a compulsive liar and coward who thinks she knows everything the best but takes her own flaws on everyone else. In short, my family is made entirely of supremely shitty people. The thing is that my mother has Parkinson's, and her self-reliability completely degenerated in the last few months, she got lost, found by police, ended up in a hospital twice, and her paranoia multiplied to crazy proportions. My father doesn't want her to apply to a special home for Parkinson's patients, and water broke in my grandmother's house on the other side of the country, so my dad took her home. My granmother has the annoying skill to always ask the same questions over and over while being unable to help at any point. Of course, my dad started drinking even MORE to just knock himself out because living with such annoying person is eating everyone's sanity away. You can see how it helped the unstable mental state of everyone involved. I have to take care of everything I can and, metaphorically, make sure no one kills anyone in this pressure cooker. I'm the only one able to prep and get the drugs properly, the only one my mother trusts with it as well, and since my father is wasted most of the time he can't be trusted with it. So yeah, thirty, basically with too much responsibility to start my own life. As I said, I don't see anything good in the future, because this situation will only get worse, and if I somehow get out, everything will collapse. I don't want more years like this, but this state of matters is all I know. I know the old light at the end of the tunnel expression, but this is one hell of a tunnel. I thought getting a good job was the light, but it was just a momentary blip before we're going down, boooooys! Anyway, is there anything good? Not really, but I rarely drink anymore, although I take painkillers often to get some semblance of peaceful sleep.
Oh well, fuck you 2019, and preemptively fuck you too 2020. We'll see if we meet at all, 2021.
Happy new year!
I hope you get a better 2020 than you expect.