Techie's SPICY Smokin' Toasted Self-Roasted Reviews #36: [Scratch Reviews!] · 12:19am Nov 11th, 2019
AKA the story that was meant to be like What If but at the same time like these toasty lil' reviews.
It started off as a pretty decently funny idea, but it kinda went downhill from there. 
Vinyl's score? 3/10. If dubstep isn't allowed, it isn't worth it. Also, the ponies were rather rude when they kicked her overboard.
Also, I still have absolutely no idea how to write Vinyl Scratch.
"This is trash." she complained, "No, that's offensive to my trash pile in the corner. This is crap..."
Just like 50% of my own stories. (if not more)
Vinyl Scratch reviews slow internet.
*looks at what story I'll be reviewing next*
Makes sense.
"WHERE'S ALL THE DUBSTEP BOOKS?!" Vinyl hollered, throwing another theoretical physics textbook aside, "I NEED TO LEARN FROM THE MASTERS!"
Ha.
Vinyl left Twilight's castle with her book, leaving behind a large pile of books and a very annoyed Spike.
Her rating? 8.9/10. Too many books, not enough staff.
Honestly, as far as reviewing random things go, I'm a lot more comfortable with the format I've been doing it in now, without having to worry about putting it in some character's voice, and without needing to actually rank the story.
"AMAZING!" Pinkie replied in the chat, "DO YOU KNOW HOW TO TURN OFF CAPS LOCK?"
"JUST PRESS THE CAPS LOCK KEY AGAIN!" Vinyl typed, chuckling at Pinkie's caps-lock slipup.
"BUT I ALREADY DID THAT SEVERAL TIMES!" Pinkie sent in return, "OH WAIT. IT'S JUst me shouting at the screen!"
This has happened to me more than a few times IRL.
Because Caps-Lock is just shouting in text form.
True.
"WeLCOme tO tHe cONVErsIoN ChamBeR!" Grand Princess Twilight the Younger exclaimed, slamming the door open for a chained-up Vinyl Scratch.
"Really?" Vinyl deadpanned again, "All that commotion, and you lead me to a... what is this? Looks like a giant vat of purple gunk."
This entire chapter is just about a surreal trip through Twilight-land.
Because why not.
This is the exact reasoning behind any of my stories.
Octavia facehoofed. "Well, what did you expect, Vinyl? It's fruitcake."
Vinyl shrugged, and continued chewing the gummy fruitcake for the next three hours before spitting it out and shattering a window in the process.
Vinyl's Review: 3/10, too much brick powder, not enough fruit.
Funnily enough, I actually like fruitcake in real life. Just so long as it isn't a brick.
IT'S MAIL POLISH! the author bellowed in return, cackling in fits of laughter.
In which the author has run out of ideas.
Oh, neat, night mode just turned itself on. Right on time too.
"Eh." Vinyl mumbled through a mouthful of bread, "Could've been better."
She swallowed, and took another bite of floor bread. This time, it was cake-flavored.
"Huh." she said, pausing for a moment, "It just got better."
Floor bread is best bread.
Aaaaaand that's all.
This is the exact reasoning for anything I've done in my life