The End, and Beginning, of Friendship · 6:43pm Oct 13th, 2019
The reason I'm well is that something marvelous happened to me right when I needed it.
It was dark in the first Discord episode when Twilight lost her will, but Princess Celestia did something remarkable in response: she sent Twilight's letters back to her.
Thanks to Celestia's voice actress, the same thing happened to me. Literally.
Somepony on Twitter suggested that we send Nicole Oliver (voice of Princess Celestia, Cheerilee, and Tree Hugger) a final friendship report about what we learned from nine seasons of Friendship is Magic and from our time in the fandom. Nicole thought it was a great idea, and so did I.
I sent her my friendship report, and apparently she loved it. She even retweeted it, which sent my friendship report back to me in my notifications.
Seeing what I'd learned from the show was precisely what I needed to recover.
It's so funny. I wrote this very recently, yet I needed to be reminded of it almost immediately. This is an important part of what friends do. They help us to remember ourselves. They refocus us on our positives, and forgive the negatives.
I have learned mature and vital things from a children's show, and made many friends along the way. I have no doubt I'll mess up again in the future, but some of those friends will stand by me, and I will continue to learn and grow. The show may be over, but the fandom will never fade.
I know what my next story will be.
A very important friendship lesson, Trixie. Thank you for sharing!
whoo! :O
I mentioned Iroh in the other blog post, and I'll quote him now again. "I was never angry with you. I was sad because I was afraid you'd lost your way." If I didn't care, I wouldn't have said what I did.
Since you mentioned your past history with the show, I feel I should share my history with the Writeoff. The first or second round I ever wrote for, I came across a story called Mission of Mercy. You've changed the ending since then, but even in its Writeoff version, that fic proved to be formative in my philosophy. As a result of the internal dialogue Mission of Mercy awakened in me, I have grown vigilant, selfless, and generous of my time in protecting others. The week of Holy's suicide note was a rough one for me, as I had another suicide attempts here on FimFiction and one on Discord that week. I spent hours begging, pleading, reasoning, and grasping at what seemed like straws, and I went to bed twice not knowing if the person in question was going to live or die, but all three suicidal people I met survived. You know Holy's getting help, and my two friends are as well.
You have within you the ability to make the world a better place, and in fact already have.
5138231
Thank you for the kind words and the support.
I must admit not remembering, or else not reading closely enough (was this in my blog post?), to grasp the context you're referring to. If this is on the Writeoff forum, I left after deleting the messages on that story and requesting Roger to blank the story so I may not have seen it, and my memory of the comments I received is fuzzy because it was pretty painful. My brain is super good at blocking memories out I can't handle. (I once opened my closet to discover I had a fursuit I had sewn and didn't remember doing it, which was a nice surprise.)
By lost my way, do you mean that I had written bad (unconscionable) stories and you hoped I would stop? I hope it isn't that, because I'm still not convinced the story I posted was intrinsically bad, and I still have things to say that are in that vein. I was serious when I said my story was intended to convey a message that is not monstrous, and having most of the characters push Rumble towards eternal youth was not because I personally am pushing that point of view; it's because I imagined that most characters would want that for him, given how most frozens enjoy their long lives. I definitely agree it was wrong of me to submit the story, and I know that the fact I write such stories indicates a wrongness inside me. This is something I accept about myself as best I can, which is not very well, hence the emotional breakdown for which I am still very sorry.
That said, at the moment I still think it would be okay to post the revised story to Fimfiction, because nopony here has to read it if they don't want to. However, my opinion on that is definitely subject to change in the future, and I know there are many authors who disagree with me.
Oh that is so awesome!!
Yep, there's me crying some again...
Thank you for writing, and in general, and... such.
Not at my most coherent at the moment. :)
I'm so glad that happened for you!
5138322
There is nothing wrong with having an emotional breakdown. It's all in how you bounce back from it. Which you seem have to have fallen into some fortunate circumstances. You're on track to recover quicker than most. I'm coming off my stressful, first-ever opening weekend at my new theater school, losing a bucking wireless mic antenna (those things are in the hundreds of dollars!), getting behind in my homework from helping online friends with irl hardships, and watching the series finale, the last of which would have been more than enough emotions on its own. Knowing what that feels like and knowing that I can be there for others is most of what keeps me going and, as I've already said, you're the rest.
Some hurts cannot be healed until you have grown as a person, and the person whom they talked about is no longer you, but rather the old you. A line of thought I had after watching "Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep?" concluded with: "No one likes shame and regret, but if I'm going to feel them, it would be better to make them work for me and not against me." And so I used them as a motivation to be better. To show me what I currently was not and give myself something positive to attain to.
Bah. I'm trying to help, but I just sound physically tired, emotionally exhausted, and pseudo-eloquent bordering on delirious.
one caffeinated drink later...
Yes. Right.
Yes, it was the first blog post. I actually copied my post because I was working on it just before lights-out in the dorm and had to finish it on my phone. I've still got the GDoc, actually. But yeah, I had a small-font disclaimer on there saying I hadn't actually read the story in question. I gathered my information from the others' Writeoff comments and from the WO Discord (which I must have joined back in the day and forgot all about
). From what I've seen in the past 60-ish hours, they've had some time to cool down, there are some regrets over how the situation was handled, and underpinning the whole thing, they're mostly just confused. Their comments now revolve around more traditional critiques, like how it could have been handled better and why it didn't work. There are still some who wonder why certain elements were in the story, but like I said, it's calmer than I expected to find it.
Not knowing what people are saying about you is a two-way street, I know. You're protected from what they may be saying about you, but your mind also tends to exaggerate people's negative feelings towards you. I know because I'm the same way. It's horrible feeling like everyone's wearing a mask and sunglasses around you because you can't see whether they're smiling at you with joy in their eyes or avoiding eye contact with a scowl on their face.
But... I don't mean to shame you for leaving as you did. If you need a break, well, you know yourself best. Who am I to stand in the way of that? I did link in a Kurzgesagt video on the second blog post. That comment ended with one upvote, I think, but have no way of knowing if it was yours. So I'll say what I said there again. This video does a really good job of describing scientifically why we feel ostracization, and how quickly our minds misinterpret signals from others once that cycle begins. As a disclaimer, if you do often feel lonely it may hurt to hear, but if you can work through that, it will help.
I know you probably haven't been back to the Writeoff site, so I'm here to tell you that you got another review on your story and, well, it's different than all the rest. It's not... well, let me just drop the first line or so in here.
If you want to go back to your story page with eyes locked on the slider bar as you drag it to the bottom and then scroll up to the review from there, I understand. And if you don't want to go back at all, I understand that too. Just letting you know it's there.
5139401
If you want to PM me the review I'd be fine with that.
What keeps me from going back isn't emotion. I'm actually fine now and totally stable. I'm not even sad, apart from the loss of what was an important part of my life for several years. The issue is whether people want me there, and considering the suggestions that were made about me pushing an illegal agenda, and especially given the applause generated by Dubs's comment in response to my failed apology-explanation, that's definitely me being shown the door. I don't see any other way to interpret it. This is not "I made people upset, but now they forgive me". Most of the people there think I'm sick and toxic, and they don't want me there anymore.
Maybe I'll feel differently someday. I'm capable of growth and change, I think.
5141237
Sent.
So wholesome and very happy that found your way back. This brought some tears to be honest but it was the good kind. Really does show the power of friendship