It's a-me, Crimmar! · 9:41pm Aug 25th, 2019
*peeks head out*
Hey there! Check me out. Not dead!
By the way, that ain't a joke. Trust me, I've been in quite a few situations where by all rights I should be dead. This is an achievement. I've been struck by a car no less than five times. Once I struck one myself, so that one was kinda on me. Fires, electric shocks, pitfalls with rusted nails (that I dug myself and fell into), animal attacks, falls from buildings... Still, not dead!
So, let me tell you what I've been up to. Work-wise, I still work at the "new" place I found, an educational and European Projects center. I do pretty much a lot of everything there. Make websites, design and produce posters and such, translate documents, general IT support on pc's and laptops as well as telephone center and our own server (mainly, I just push the reset button when they go wonky), and generally pull my weight. It is amazing because I get to do many different things and have to keep learning stuff. Why, just last month we got a 3D printer and ended up playing with it for a week or so... to acquaint myself with the technology, of course.
On the whole, it is so much better than the hellhole where I worked for a decade and almost had my soul sucked out of me. I am given work to do and being trusted to complete it, not have a boss over my head scrutinizing my every pause. I can stop and talk, and all my co-workers there are very smart and educated people—I'm the only self-educated person there—and the environments really loose, but getting results. Sigh... Did I ever mention that I lost about 3 thousand euros and about 6-7 years of pension posts? That guy really screwed me over.
Everything at my home is going... well enough. I live with my parents (someone has to support them, so basically they live with me). It's kind of a testament at times. My father is—was—a druggie, but even though he has stopped that crap (and yeah, he did, I made sure), he still has this... addictive personality that pulled him to that.
Jesus, I remember being in primary school and kids telling me my dad was in prison. I told them he was working at another city, just like my mother had told me. It was years later that I found out that I got it wrong, and it also explained why my poor mother kept knitting day in and day out.
I've had to go to prison and give him clothes and covers, so many times since then...
I got a job as soon as I finished school, so there was never any higher education for me. I had to work to feed my brothers (one older, one younger) and my parents. There never has been a stop since. Heck, I even had to dodge my army service (about a year's service that all males must do in Greece) because if I did go, then my family would starve. I pretended to be off my rocker. Not anything big, just... too much into myself, passionless, emotionless. They told me to wait someplace, and I stood there without moving for about 10 hours. They forgot about me and where searching for me everywhere. I went back and told them I sat where they told me (I finally got bored of waiting at about 2 after midnight). They locked me in the infirmary, and the next day I had a paper than said my service was done. I was in the army for a total of 26 hours.
I often wish I didn't have to do this. It sucks when people talk of events and past fun in the army, friendships they made, and I have to make sure I don't get dragged into it and have to explain stuff. Missed a lot of things.
But at least I didn't get to see my mother knitting till morning in order to get enough money for tomorrow's groceries, so it was all worth it.
Of course, my father decided that me working meant it was time for him to stop. He got deeper into drugs, served tons of prison time... He was a smoker of such proportions that he had to have three bypasses to save his heart, and he still smokes as much as he can. He got worse and worse. Started stealing money if we left it around. Started searching for it. Started trying to scare my brothers for money. Even threatened my little brother with a screwdriver once.
He tried that on me as well. Not with a screwdriver, but to make me afraid of him and give him money.
Let's just say he doesn't dare to raise the prospect of asking money from me, ever since. Not a good idea to try this on someone who's been holding back a ton of resentment. Didn't hit him, but I basically dragged him around all over the place. Treated him like a plushie I was debating whether to throw on a wall or not.
My brothers haven't been able to deal though. He's done things, like try to grow weed trees on our property. Police arrived, found them, and pulled the whole family into jail. My older brother lost his job at once. So he looked for work out of the country and hauled ass. My little brother stayed. Helped where he could. In a weird way, while being the middle brother, I was the older brother of both of them. I helped my older brother find money and rent a place to stay, and he's happy working at a foreign company.
My little brother followed him almost a year ago.
A few months ago, my best friend left as well. His girlfriend, and a girl I love like the sister I never had, left last week. Other friends I have left as well.
I am... quite alone now.
Well, not exactly. My parents are here. My father. And my mother, who's the most badass and loving mom any person can ever imagine. Doesn't matter all the trouble and shit that has happened. This is home because she's here. My brothers amass days off and come back here as often as they can.
Life's not perfect, but it's certainly better now that it was a decade ago. My brothers are away, but they are happy. My father is still addicted to gambling and smoking, but at least he's off drugs and he stopped trying to pull crap, especially now that's only me here. My mother is happy for my brothers, and she's happy that I'm in a better working place and all.
So yeah. I'm mostly alone. But that doesn't mean I'm lonely. I got friends online. Some people say it's not the same, but I disagree. It's people wanting to be friends with each other not because of anything material but because they enjoy what each other can give through words. What is more pure than that? I got this site. I got my satisfaction of learning something new at my work almost daily.
And I have a new chapter ready for The Lunar Guardsman! That's something!
Yeah, life's not perfect. But fuck that, imperfect is where interesting lies. Where strength lies. I had so many failures, you would gasp if I listed them. Still do. But nothing's perfect, and you'll never have what you want. But what I have? Man, I love what I have! Because I really earned it.
I... have no idea where I was going with this. Just ranted, I guess.
I hope you all are doing alright.
And I hope I can get back to writing a bit more often. That's what I really want right now. Better get to work on it.
Wow. That’s why you should try to be nice to everybody because you never know what they’re going through. I’m glad you’re in a better place job wise. I understand what it’s like to take care of a parent and admire your sense of responsibility. I’m glad you ranted because it does help. Online friends are wonderful. You’re friends not because you’re living next door, but because you have similar interests. Now I have to gird my loins to read about who lived who died and who else lost limbs. Thanks for the chapter I’ve been looking forward/dreading it for a long while now and now it’s here.
That really sucks. At least you are at a better workplace now. Your situation kinda of reminds me of my time with a client I had (I work with mentally ill people) this guy was living at a group home and he was a over the top nightmare. It got so bad at one point that I was staying late at night at this group home to make sure he didn’t hurt any of the other clients. Eventually he finally got his ass evicted. Utter nightmare. Wish we could of moved him into a different facility that was better able to care for what he needed. But as it was they just wanted him out of there in the end.
Not that many people have this type of mentality in the world, thank you for sharing your experience with us. Stay strong man.
-SSB7149
Wow. Just
Wow.
Thanks for having the courage to share this, it was very interesting! I wish you all the best with your family and your job
Wassup, glad you are back. Man, you got one thing right. Perfect is boring. Imperfection give you something to strive for. Something to challenge. But it is also to leave alone what isn’t broken. It is nice to see you back into this again. I loved this story and still do. I have read it multiple times. You play any games? I got xbox 360, PS4, and PC. I mostly play PC. And have been playing A LOT of Gears 4 and 5. Next binge when it comes out is Borderlands 3.
Anyway, have fun, and enjoy life while you got it. It’s good to have you back.
5117779
It's nice to finally be able to refocus on writing, at least for a while.
But yes, I am—or I guess was—an avid gamer. My gear so far consists of a PC, a jailbroken Wii U (can't afford the Switch and 50-60 euros for game), and an Oculus Rift. I recently went through a binge of Borderlands 2 (I hadn't played it) with my younger brother when he came to visit. We finished it in a couple of weeks. Handsome Jack and Claptrap had us rolling on the floor. We really want to get into Borderlands 3 as soon as possible as well, but we don't want to accommodate this lousy practice of exclusivity on the PC platform. I've already gone through the console wars, I'm not having them imported to the PC as well. Right now, with writing and work and whatnot, I only let myself play a little bit of BOX VR. Mostly because it is exhausting exercise hidden under the layer of a (very good nevertheless) rhythm game, and I do need the exercise. What can I say, I love punching balls.
Can't wait to get the next few chapters out. These are going to be great. See you in the fic.
Yikes dude. Respect for providing for your family like that. Seriously, that's worthy of a shit ton of respect and I really hope you feel proud because of it. You might not have joined the army, but you were a solider in another, possibly more meaningful way.
Glad to have you on this site
its people like him, who got through so much shit and then just say. "no fuck you life, im gonna keep going, you can stick it right up your ass" and then continue to do their best. god knows if that happend to me id just gas several building and move countries. hell, its cheaper than therapy.