Behind The Wall · 12:17am Aug 22nd, 2019
So, Behind The Wall has garnered some attention, which is great, because more people can use the resource link. Hats off to you guys for getting it there and helping out victims of domestic violence who may need those resources.
This story... It really came out of nowhere. I wasn't expecting it at all. I turned off my laptop and put my phone away last night and was trying to go to bed, when all of a sudden I got the refrain in the story stuck in my head, and could hear Velvet's voice saying it. I thought, Okay, this will be a story, and I can write it in the morning. So I wrote it down in the reminders in my phone, and tried to sleep. But it just kept expanding on itself further and further, until I realized, I'm never going to get any sleep until I write this down. So at 3:30 in the morning, I laid in my bed and wrote this entire piece on my phone (which, by the way, would account for any spelling errors you guys may have seen if you read it when it was first posted. Sorry about that. But the screen is way tiny and so were the words in my app.). I would have used my laptop but the wifi is still out at my house and tethering it to my phone Is a process. Around 5 AM, it was done and posted.
This story is, as mentioned in the Author's Note, a very personal one to me. I won't discuss my personal connections to it, but I will say that I know several women in that situation, and I know how tough it is to leave. I became a kind of advocate to end the silence on domestic violence, because I know how hard it was for them to get out. And I wanted them to know that they could turn to me if they needed help.
Much of the dialogue in this story is Velvet's own. Her voice in my mind speaks for itself most of the time. She told me the tale of this night in detail. At first, I really did not know what I was going to do with it. I mean, it's pretty... Ugly stuff, for lack of a better term. I really had no idea what I was going to do with it. Do I write it? Do I turn it into an RP with a friend first? Do I keep it to myself? And then, I realized that maybe I could use this tale to shed some light on something so many women are afraid to talk about, and men too. So I included the link under "Resources" in the Author's Note in hopes that just one person could benefit from that.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, there are ways to help. I've included some facts and signs to help raise awareness below.
Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten.* As we saw with Velvet, domestic violence can happen to anyone at any age. And it isn't just women who suffer. Males encounter domestic violence with their partners very often as well. But domestic violence isn't just physical abuse. It can be emotional, verbal, mental, and financial. Here are some of the many different ways domestic violence can occur:
Physical abuse, such as kicking, punching, slapping, pinching, scratching, throttling, choking, spitting, and slamming someone against something.
Mental abuse, such as Controlling what the victim can or cannot do, Withholding information from the victim, Deliberately doing something to make the victim feel diminished or embarrassed, Isolating the victim from friends and/or family, Denying the victim access to money or other basic resources, Stalking, Undermining the victim's confidence and/or sense of self-worth, and convincing the victim she/he is crazy.
Financial abuse, such as withholding funds from the victim, not letting them have a private bank account or access to an account, or controlling what little access they have to money.
Verbal abuse, such as cursing, racial or religious slurs, blaming the victim for things that couldn't have been their fault, humiliating them, or threatening them.
Emotional abuse, such as demeaning the victim's opinions, making them feel crazy, Calling them names, insulting or continually criticizing them, Refusing to trust them and acting jealous or possessive, Trying to isolate the victim from family or friends, Monitoring where they go, who they call and who they spend time with, Demanding to know where they are every minute, Trapping them in their home or preventing them from leaving, Using weapons to threaten to hurt them, Punishing the victim by withholding affection, Threatening to hurt them, the children, your family or their pets, Damaging their property when they're angry (throwing objects, punching walls, kicking doors, etc.), Humiliating them in any way, Blaming them for the abuse, Gaslighting them, Accusing them of cheating and being often jealous of their outside relationships. Serially cheating on them and then blaming them for his or her behavior, Cheating on the victim intentionally to hurt them and then threatening to cheat again, Cheating to prove that they are more desired, worthy, etc. than the victim is, Attempting to control the victim's appearance: what they wear, how much/little makeup they wear, etc., Telling the victim that they will never find anyone better, or that the victim is lucky to be with a person like them.
If you or someone you know has a partner with the following qualities, they may be in an abusive relationship, courtesy of YourTango:
1. The person pushes for quick involvement.
2. There's constant jealousy.
3. They're controlling.
4. They have very unrealistic expectations.
5. There's isolation.
6. They blame others for their own mistakes.
7. They make everyone else responsible for their feelings.
8. They're hypersensitive.
9. They're cruel to animals and children.
10. They use "playful" force during sex.
11. There's verbal abuse.
12. There are rigid gender roles in the relationship.
13. They have sudden mood swings. They switch from loving to angry in a matter of minutes.
14. They have a past of battering.
15. They threaten violence.
Often times the abuse in the relationship occurs in a cycle, termed the cycle of domestic violence or the cycle of abuse. It comes in four stages:
Tension building- The victim feels like they are walking on egg shells to please the abuser as stress from daily activities or occurrences angers the abuser and leads to a breakdown in communication.
The Incident- Any of the forms of abuse described above occurs.
Reconciliation- The abuser apologizes for his/her actions, they act caring and loving, and may swear to change.
Calm- Everything is good and no abuse takes place.
This cycle can go on forever if it is allowed to. Unless someone takes action to break it. If this cycle sounds too familiar to you or someone you know, it isn't too late to get help for yourself or for someone else. There are resources that can help you. I've listed a few below:
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) to talk to a trained professional about the violence.
Go to find a shelter near you
Go to learn more about Domestic Violence, read statistics, create a safety plan, find shelter, and more.
Download the Aspire News App for iPhone or Android. It looks like a news app but is secretly a resource for battered women. You can find resources, add emergency contacts and get help if your abuser is attacking you.
Call 911. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, contact emergency services.
go to https://ncadv.org/resources to find other resources not listed here. Together, we can end the silence on domestic violence.
To everyone who took the time to read this, Thank you so much. Hopefully the information and resources listed above can help save someone's life. To every reader, no matter the gender or nationality: stay aware, and stay safe.
Thanks for the advice.
Absolutely. I just hope it helps somebody.
Glad to hear that your Story is liked by many.