Jun
15th
2019
Welp · 5:00am Jun 15th, 2019
Welp, just deleted almost all of my stories, because fuck it, none of it really matters... I'm a shit writer and that's fucking evident in all of my shit stories... I fucking hate myself... The only thing I enjoy doing is writing and I can't fucking do that right, because I'm worthless fucking human... no one will probably care about the stupid kid thinking he's better at writing than he is and good... don't waste your time on a waste of human intelligence like me...
Because people think that it's people trashing on my stories, it's not, it's my own mind saying my shit is trash... which it is..
Oi, what happened? Were people trashing on your stories or something?
Just because you encounter difficulty doesn't mean that it should be able to tear you down. You just gotta pull yourself up by the bootstraps, dust yourself off, and stop listening to those who oppose you.
But seriously. You still have so much potential in your life. Yes, the road will indeed be bumpy, even at times seemingly yeeting itself over a cliff, but that's alright. It's just how things happen. Just because things may seem bleak now doesn't mean that there isn't a chance for improvement in the future.
Being good at what you like to do isn't an instant thing. Heck, it typically isn't a fast thing, either. You need to have the drive, the passion to achieve your goals. Once again, you can't just stop at small roadblocks. You either work your way around them, or bust through 'em, Kool-Aid man style. Being able to do what you like, and being good at it are two entirely different things. You might not be good at it at first, but with practice and effort, you'll get where you wanna be, so long as you enjoy it.
These are your stories that you write. It doesn't matter what other people may think about them. Are they you? No. You are yourself, and you cannot be replaced. You are unique to this world, and so are your stories. Don't care about what others may think. Don't care about what others may say. If you want to write, you can write. If it's your passion, then, by all means, go ahead.
My sister has often found herself in your position. She's a practicing artist, and for most of her life, her drawings were still roughly the same as her first drawings. Did that stop her? ...Well, at first, yes. She became discouraged, and combined with terrible luck at school when it came to figuring out who was a real friend and who was just a bully trying to take advantage of her, she became scarily close to being flat-out suicidal.
However, one day, she had enough of that.
She cut ties with her so-called "friends" who put their selfish desires over everyone else. Her passion for art was reignited, and she slowly but surely began to improve. As for her outlook on life, it too began to change. At times, even, the roles between myself and her even switched, with her giving life advice to me when I myself fell on hard times.
Fast forward to today. She went through a very similar predicament recently. The group of "friends" she'd had since middle school had begun to berate her for the littlest things, and while she would spend hours on end listening to their problems, when she tried to rant a little, they would call her "selfish" and a "bitch" just for trying to speak her own mind. She had a real bad mental breakdown over that event. She still remembered when her former friends from her original troubles cut her out of their lives, and how hurt she felt to be betrayed by them. She was afraid of giving those same feelings to her current friend group. She was afraid of hurting them in the same way her old "friends" had hurt her.
In the end, she made the right decision. She once again cut the toxic people out of her life, and turned toward her own future. She is currently now looking for a summer job, at the same time as taking summer math courses to get ahead of her classmates in high school.
She took charge of her own life, when others tried to once again bring her down.
You have the power, the ability, to do the same.
I believe in you.
5074417
No one said my stories where bad, it's just my stories are trash, my plots, ideas, writing styles... But, I thought I would be better at writing after doing it for 10 years and spending money on writing classes and tutors... And if I don't think I'm good at writing, the only thing I enjoy, what does thay say?
5074423
Hey, practice makes... well, not necessarily perfect, but at the very least, practice makes better. C'mon, feel a bit better about your own stories. What about them makes you think they're so bad? I've personally read a couple here and there, and they honestly seemed fine by me. What makes your stories bad in your eyes?
As for the classes, not everybody is gonna learn the same way. Some are better learners by a book. Others are better by experience. It's not necessarily a cookie-cutter process, in the end.
Just keep trying!
5074425
My stories are horrible because I can start one, but the premise is so fucking stupid and similar to other things that it doesn't deserve to be continued... The writing is choppy and weird, the characters are cardboard fucking cutouts and the premises are always stollen from something else... I not a writer, I'm a fucking failure... I don't fucking want to be perfect, I just want to be better than shit I wrote when I was six... Bad characters and motivations, horrible storytelling and thin fucking plots... I'll just give up now... should've gave up when I started...
5074427
Do... do you want me to help with your stories? Even if you do continue to think that, there's still potential in you. Cardboard cutouts still eventually go on to serve as bases for better characters. Plots can be expanded in any which way that you'd like, or even revamped entirely by the force of the story's progression over time. Heck, even writing, no matter how choppy, will improve simply through use.
Try laying back a bit from writing your usual assortment of stories, and try something that you haven't done before. It might not be very easy or comfortable at first to step out of what you're used to writing, but trust me, it helps.
Even if you just write a string of comedy stories for shits and giggles, you'll still be picking up and improving on skills that you might not even know you had, and by the time you make your return, there's a good chance that you'll be writing things that you didn't even know you could write.
5074429
My humor isn't like other peoples, unless people now adays find racist jokes and dead children funny, than comedy isn't the best for me... that's why I stick with what I know... a still fuck up anyway...
Hey mate, I don't really know you, but if you like to write, write, regardless of how good you are. I mean look at all this crap I write!
Do I care? No. Writing crap makes me happy.
Do what makes you happy.
5074431
You don't need to think of yourself that way.
Here, if you really do want to get rid of your stories entirely, that'll serve as a way that you can start off fresh, right? You could try again in writing something. Get some people to help along the way, just to bounce ideas and preread and such. Even if you think they are, your ideas aren't terrible. Ideas, especially in the writing sense, are pretty pliable. You can apply them to just about anything you can think of, and if they don't work out the way you'd like them to, then you can simply tweak them until they do.
You don't need to compare your stories with anybody else on this site, either. Fimfiction is a place where we read and write stories for fun, not to feel down. There's nothing to worry about. Ignore whoever might come your way and flame your story in some way or another. Welcome criticism, and take it to improve.
And the first step is to believe in yourself. Believe in your own ability to write. Believe in your ideas, those little thoughts that swirl up and around before being spilled onto a page. Outside of what's absolutely for sure banned, you can write anything you want. Nobody's stopping you but yourself.
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--Sweetie Belle
5074433
I do, but being a bipolar, ADHD, asberger, depressed, angry fuck up doesn't make taking your own thoughts very easy... I love it when people criticise my shit, I hate it when I critisize my shit... and again, asbergers makes it so that I don't understand other people very well, so I don't know what people find funny or what people find exciting... and comedies aren't that good as a story, short or not, at least I don't think so...
5074440
I don't like hugs... don't touch me, please, I'll go for high five
5074432
Writing makes me happy... when it's something I wrote that's good...
5074443
Oh. Um... you mentioned that your meds have just been making some of those things worse while helping with ADHD in a previous blog, didn't you?
Are there any other options for the medication you're using, or is it that one prescription?
Dude, writing isn’t something we do to impress unless we’re stuck up. We write because it’s fun! So keep writing, man! There’s always haters, but there’s tons of folks out there who’ll love your sense of humor and appreciate your writing! Don’t let yourself fall by stopping, because there’s tons of folks you ain’t touched with your words yet!
“It is who you chose to be.” Be you, and don’t let anyone or anything tell ya to be different! You’re imperfectly perfect, just as we all are.
5074444
I'm currently taking Risperdal for my bipolar disorder... and it doesn't help... just like the fucking prozac for my asbergers, anxiolytic for my anxiety, or the zoloft for my anger and everything inbetween...
5074447
Have you seen a doctor about it then? Therapy? I'm sure that professional help would be tremendously helpful in getting you back up on your feet, even if it's as simple as changing medications.
5074445
Again, don't really care about the haters, I care more about my own negative thoughts on what I write...
5074448
Therapy doesn't help, I just want to end up killing him for being so dead set, and I see a doctor every two weeks, and I've changed medication so much my doctor is actually conserned that I might have some form of ramped up autoimmune system or something, as he says over and over that something should have worked by now
5074443
derpicdn.net/img/2018/2/13/1654939/medium.jpeg
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--Sweetie Belle
5074452
Cute
5074451
...Oh.
Um... what is it that they say to you? The therapists, I mean.
5074457
We usually do muscle relaxation excerices or breathing excersizes, and when where done, I tell him again that it didn't and he tells me "well keep doing it, cause it will work eventually"... relaxation excerizes don't work, because I have ADHD and sitting still is like trying to pull my teeth out with a dental surgeon who has Parkinson's
5074458
I think you should maybe find a better therapist then. That person sounds like more of a physical therapist, for people who have problems with their joints, muscles, or something else related to personal mobility.
'Cause while yes, things like Yoga do indeed help relax people, the effectiveness of it is not constant across everybody.
5074459
Nope, his license calls him an emotional and mental therapist... but... honestly I think I just have a problem with male authority figures, as I hate my therapist and I don't enjoy my grandfather, but I love being around my mom
5074461
Have you tried talking things out with your mom, then? Parental figures tend to be the best choice when you have personal issues that you are having trouble talking to others about.
5074462
I would if she was ever home... but whenever she is home or I'm in the car with her and I mention about something troubling me she... I don't really know what she does... my mom isn't really me "mom"... like most moms care and nurture their kids but my mom acts more like my bestfriend or my sister... She doesn't really show any affection aside from the occasional hug here and their and just us talking... My life is so fucked up... My father killed himself when I was six, my mother dated an abusive step father and got addicted to drugs leaving me to care for my brothers for most of mine and their lives currently... seven years... seven years of my life gone because of bad decissions...
5074463
Still, it's more than nothing, isn't it? Even if she isn't able to be there consistently for you, she's still at least there at all. Even if she doesn't necessarily seem as motherly as you may think, there's still a high chance that she's gonna be your best bet. Yes, there are a few negligent parents here and there that don't care at all about their children, but for the most part, your parents will always be one of the best options you have when you're looking for support and advice.
5074465
Parent*... and she wasn't there for me... for a long time...
5074467
Either way, just try to talk to her. If things go south, don't forget that we'll still be there for you.
I'm glad you didn't delete The Apple Panzer. I was going to read it.
Other people on the site have Asbergers. It hasn't stopped people from writing.
Also, I can understand the bit about doctors. A little. Always want people who can sympathize and care, not those who are just going through the motions.
I don't know why people think that physical therapy works when dealing with a problem of the heart. I haven't been able to hold onto exercises either.
Well, I can tell you from experience that you don't own a monopoly on that, or at least I've had similar if not identical thoughts at times.
5074471
It was one of the two stories that I enjoyed writing somewhat
5074469
I'll talk to her whenever I have time to, as my youngest siblings are always up her ass, so finding time to talk to her is kinda hard
5074474
Good. I'm gonna try and get some rest now since my mouth is still swollen from getting my wisdom teeth removed this morning, but if you're still having trouble, feel free to reply to this comment, or anybody else's comment here.
5074447
That many anti-depressants?! No wonder the one for you bipolar disorder isn't working. If it's legal where you live, see if your doctor can prescribe you some cannabis oil. Not trying to sound like a pothead, but that stuff works better than most anti-depressants.
5074480
Cannabis oil, psh, in Colorado, I'll buy some weed for the same price as a 24 pack of soda
5074482
That might also would work.
I personally get hate as well for my own fanfic because it needs an editor whom I haven’t found yet but still that’s not the point just read my fanfic it’s called Sunset’s guardian angel and read the comments on it well most of them are from me but look on how those comments get hate. One comment I wrote is literally to those people who disliked my fanfic.
5074506
I don't have problems with haters, I just hate what I write
5074507
Thanks, but sorry, I deleted most of my stories... Only two remain
5074509
True but listen closely to what I’m going to say here. You may think your useless or that you hate your own work but in reality you just don’t believe in yourself much and that’s why you hate you own work but there’s always light in the darkest of places and no matter what people you’ve met will support you even in dire situations like this but if even professionals on fimfiction had their bad times but they didn’t let themselves give up they stood up and continued doing what they love
5074515
Well, I mean of course I hate myself or don't value myself much, being told you were useless by your step father for a few years would deffinitely fuck you up, and holy shit, if it were measured on a scale of fine to fucked up, I'm like... The reigning champ of fucked in the head
5074519
No you’re not fucked up and the best thing to do is start a new leaf and write a new story and see how it goes
5074520
Ill try
5074522
That's the spirit and if you need help your friends online can help
5074523
Okay... So like the two people that I talk to
5074526
Three actually if you consider me as a friend
5074529
Alright, I guess three then
5074526
If you need an ear (figuratively, of course) to vent to, don't hesitate to shoot me a PM.
5074531 You said you enjoy writing. Why can't that be enough of a reason to write?
Your judgemental attitude toward your writing doesn't have to be a curse. You can change it into a boon. Those who love their writing have a hard time improving it. But you don't have that limitation. As long as you find reasons to hate, you uncover potential to make your stories better than they already are.
Did you know that Leonardo da Vinci hated his painting? Luckily, he didn't burn Mona Lisa.
I see some Leonardo da Vinci in you, as well. Please stop burning your Mona LIsas.
I'd also be honored to be called your forth if you'd have me.
5074531
And if I'm not already one of those people, count me in as the fifth.
https://docs.google.com/drawings/d/1QBzwkMzSoroY_BxBm2s5SmqpQF0O6DGAyBr-A1dOpgw/edit?usp=sharing
5074550
5074567
5074538
Thanks... Thanks for being here for me...