Dear God

I made this account when I was 10, or something.

I think it may have been the biggest mistake of my life.

I've never had a bad experience on this website, but looking back at it now and my pre-pubescent eagerness to jump into the MLP fanfic writing scene I can confidently say I've never cringed so much in such a short time.

I had all these ideas for stories I wanted to write, and apparently, I wound up writing some of them that I ended up deleting and I would have no idea they ever existed had I not made the mistake of diving deep into my old private messages (where I was reminded of the time I was fiercely against doing something so simple as inserting paragraph breaks).

And apparently, people liked some of my stories!

I admit even now I'm incredibly flattered, though can't help but assume the people with the courage to message me were just as young and just as cringy as I was.

Strangely, while I've never posted a story with more than one chapter (before deleting it), coming to this website and remembering when fan-made banners were prominently displayed at the top of the screen has always had me giddy and inspired. I get the same feeling my pre-pubescent self got whenever they would open a word document shortly after learning word processors existed and that writing everything on paper was totally unnecessary.

I've been invested in the Tumblr scene -- band fandoms and the Marvel one -- but still occasionally long to write up the My Little Pony fics my little kiddish heart desired. Cause the thing is, I have the artistic ability to write something coherent now. I can plot and outline past "this is gonna be fun XD" and "Rainbow Dash is so badass :3." Writing this right now I'm frankly ashamed how I was just that unable to grasp and portray the concepts I so desperately wanted to -- albeit concepts I simultaneously had no knowledge of.

And since I get all of the satisfaction I need from notes on Tumblr, I don't see myself becoming as nerve-wracked here with every upload like I used to get.

Maybe, just maybe, if this revitalized fondness for writing ponies is still present by tomorrow morning when my knees go weak remembering I bothered to make a god damn blog post about this...I just might write something.

At one point my description was that "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best," Marilyn Monroe quote, and memories of this website have been beating me upside the head every time I've come across that damn meme.