My Review of Captain Marvel (Spoilers)

In my opinion, Captain Marvel was... well... it was K. Ironic that Marvel is the weakest MCU Marvel film in a long time, but not excessively bad. It was just K. A solid 5.5/10, would (maybe) see with family again. Overall, anyway. Fun action, fun effects, fun Nick Fury, semi-tolerable story, neat twists, and FUCKING SKRULLS.

Be that as it was, there was some a lot of bitter to go with that sweetness. Some scenes don't make much sense, others strode the thin line between loud chuckles and cricket noises, some scenes were clearly cut and thereby left me confused with the heaps of semi-exposition they garbled out, the girl power message is so disgustingly supersaturated that I wanted to at times gag at the amount of cringe it sometimes produced, no development for the kickass Starforce team our heroine belonged to which left them all hollow and easily helped bring about their pitiless villainy for the final act, and Captain Marvel's actress might look really good as the character... but much of her acting here is two planks short of a stack of wood (hopefully she'll do better with the direction her apparently rushed presence will hopefully be afforded in Endgame). The plot holes in the film are sizable and at the expense of universe as a whole, some nearly breaching full-on retcons in their nature (WMDs made in Avengers based off of the Tesseract because SHIELD's first contact with alien life was with Asgardians in Thor, as Nick stated when Bruce asked questions in the former? Nope, TWO alien species of significant threat to earth were encountered back in 1995, and nobody thought to develope Tesse-WMDs until Avengers, even though the Tesseract was with them up to that point. Nick Fury's eye lost due to "trusting someone?" Lol, that's a joke you'll never be able to take seriously now, because it was an adorable fucking alien kitty scratching it out when he played with it. Vers/Carol solo murders a whole fucking starship full of Talos' skrull homies? Easily forgiven when Carol switches sides).

But like I said, it wasn't all bad. The best part was, for me, the FUCKING SKRULLS. I love skrulls more than almost any other alien race in fiction, and while a far cry from their comic counterparts (hey, Thanos is too), I love how they turned the skrulls from villainous alien schemers to a scattered, victimized race on the run from the kree. To me this adaptation fits well because considering they already used the "don't trust anyone" just a few years ago with Winter Soldier, it would be a severe case of "too soon" to do it again here. And don't worry, I'm sure they'll be able to find some way to maybe adapt their villainy in a Secret Invasion-esque event in the future, like, say... bringing a missing skrull queen of fanatical disposition into the mix to whom her newly-reunited people must pay their unwavering loyalty to? Just a theory.

That, and Talos is pretty hot. Alien DILF material done right. I hope they bring in Kl'rt next.

Oh, and P.S., ABSOOLUTLEY DO NOT GO SEE HELLBOY, THAT FILM WAS WET DOG EXCREMENT AND CAN BURN IN HELL, WHERE IT BELONGS. IT DOES NOT RAISE ONE GOD DAMN CANDLE TO DEL TORO'S MASTERPIECES.