Tales from the Ponyville Coven · 11:00am Apr 22nd, 2019
Today's tale comes to us from a Ponyville where mares band together in secret to study the esoteric arts of darkness. A Ponyville where power is always near at hoof, if one is willing to strike a bargain with the Osurat, the Demon Queen of Wind and Sorrows.
Regular Ponyville, in other words.
The wood bleachers were cold and still spotted with rain from last night’s showers. Twilight tried to brush the water away with her hoof, and when that didn’t work, dried the entire row with a quick blast from her horn. Steam wafted into the crisp air and drifted down the stands. Good enough. She took a seat and shivered as the chill seeped into her rump. A few of the more seasoned fans had brought cushions, she noted. Smart of them.
Out of the field, the teams were going through warm-up drills. Colts zig-zagged through cones and spun to catch hoofballs zipping through the air. Punters knocked ball after ball through the uprights. The sideline benches slowly filled as the last of the squads drifted out of the lockers. The PA system buzzed and popped as the suited announcers took their seats. A small herd of coaches huddled together, flipping through charts and binders. It looked like a lot of effort for a silly little game.
“Oh, Twilight! Yoo-hoo! Over here!”
She turned to see Rarity waving from the stairs. She waved back, and Rarity threaded her way through the half-full bleachers over to her.
“Well, this is a surprise,” she said. She pulled a plush cushion out of her saddlebags and set it down beside Twilight, then took a seat. “I didn’t know you liked hoofball.”
“I don’t,” she admitted. “But Time Turner’s little brother is on the Ponyville team, and he asked if I wanted to come watch a game with him. Apparently this is ‘Homecoming’? He made it sound like a big deal.”
“Well, it is for a certain set.” After a moment Rarity’s eyes widened. “Oh, is this a date? I can get out of your mane if you want some privacy.”
“Oh no, that’s fine. The more the merrier, right? Do you, uh, always come here?”
“Well, I grew up with hoofball.” Rarity let out a little sigh. Something between nostalgia and exasperation. “You know how my father is. And Sweetie Belle is on the junior cheer squad this year!” She pointed out at the field, and Twilight followed to see a little white unicorn decked out in pom-poms and a black coven’s cowl bouncing on the sidelines with a gaggle of other fillies.
“She seems excited,” Twilight noted.
“You have no idea. She’s been talking about this night for weeks. I don’t approve of that silly black robe, but apparently that’s the ‘in’ thing for young mares this year. Sometimes I don’t understand what ponies are thinking, Twi— Oh, hello Time Turner!” She turned her smile on Twilight’s date and batted her eyelashes at him. “How are you this evening?”
“Quite good Miss Rarity, thank you for asking.” Time Turner sat on Twilight’s other side and passed her a tray of cheeseless nachos. Perfect. “How’s your family?”
Twilight listened with half an ear to Rarity’s response. Out on the field, the team captains came together, touched hooves, and watched as the referee flipped a coin.
The PA system crackled to life. “Gooood evening Panther Nation! I’m Called Shot and I’ll be announcing this game for you. It looks like the visiting Shadybrook Sequoias have won the toss, and are electing to receive the first kick-off. Kicking for Ponyville is freshman Sun Dial. Let’s give it up for him!”
“That’s him!” Time Turner had to raise his voice to be heard over the sudden roar. He pointed out at the field, where a tan earth pony colt was setting up the ball.
As the opposing lines settled in for the kickoff, the Ponyville cheer squad jumped into action. They scrambled toward the center of the sideline, tossed back the hoods of their cowls, and stood on their hind legs to wave their pom-poms in the air.
“WHO ARE WE?
WE’RE THE PONYVILLE PANTHERS! YEAH!
WHAT DO WE DO?
WIN WIN WIN!
DREAD MOTHER CHLEB’IXIS OF THE DARK FOREST, MAIDEN OF POISON AND EATER OF SINS, PART THE ONYX HEART-GATE TO WHISPER YOUR NIGHTMARE TO OUR FOES! PH’NGLUI MGLW’NAFH WGAH’NAGL FHTAGN!
GOOOO PANTHERS! YAAAAY!”
“Huh. I don’t remember that cheer,” Time Turner had to lean over to speak into Twilight's ear, the crowd was so loud. “Must be new this season.”
At the whistle, Sun Dial bounded forward. One, two, three strides toward the ball, and with a mighty kick he sent it spinning through the air toward the Sequoias.
“An amazing kick!” Called Shot voiced blared over the loudspeakers. “And it’s caught by the Sequoias veteran running back Golden Flash! He’s got a good line up the left side, spins past two defenders, and it looks like he’s got a clear run ahead of him! Uh-oh, he just dropped the ball and fell to the ground, and now he's rolling around and screaming while slapping at his face and torso with his hooves as though a thousand invisible spiders are crawling all over him! The ball is picked up by Panthers No. 13 and he’s got a clear path to the endzone! Twenty yards! Ten! He’s in! Touchdown, Panthers!”
The stands burst into raucous cheers. The cheerleaders screamed and waved their pom-poms like they were trying to signal a zeppelin. Time Turner shook his head.
“Classic mistake. Gotta hold onto the ball with both hooves,” he said. “Otherwise it'll just pop out like that.”
Rarity reminds me of The Worst Witch.
I can only imagine what the other team's cheerleaders will invoke. My guess is tentacles will be involved. And they may end up being better at getting the ball down the field than either quarterback.
I wonder if Time Turner will be happy with this answer.
Hey, apparently he didn't mind. I suppose a public school football game would have been a bad choice if the goal was privacy.
That's some very effective cheering.
... isn’t that just tortilla chips?
I'm already enthralled by this. Is this a preview for a new story?
This concept fascinates me.
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I guess you could still have other Nacho toppings like jalapenos, but you've got a point.
Welcome...to Ponyvale.
Hah, excellent. :)
Typically, kickers are the players on a football team who attempt field goals, although at the high school level, one player will often take the roles of both kicker and punter.
I understood that reference
Oh my god, you actually did it. You madman.
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Exposure therapy is often based on increasing familiarity in very small increments. In just a few months, Twilight will be ready for crumbly bits of hard cheese, and eventually she may get as far as parmesan (or maybe even ricotta!) in her pasta, but jumping straight into the deep end with unregulated nachos is often counterproductive for the patient.