Human Issues · 8:51am Mar 21st, 2019
I find myself awake and reasonably alert at 3:30am, contemplating the nature of existence. But is there really a point to it? I'm currently obsessing over a medical procedure that I'm facing next week, namely prostate surgery. For those of you too young to give it much thought, it's said that if you live long enough, you will have at least some issue or other with your prostate. Mine unfortunately is the type that requires intervention. I put it off initially, but there comes a time when one has to accept the idea that further delays aren't worth the risks.
And so, I find myself contemplating what I'm going to end up losing. Not that I ever had any real plan to have kids of my own, especially at my age. But, it is another sign that one is getting older, and that certain doors are starting to close...much like when I got too old to reenlist in the Army. I guess I miss the service at least partially because it was an actual example of me taking on a major challenge and actually succeeding...yeah even though I never made sergeant. And...I guess that I had a success also when I finally got my B.A. after so long, though I have yet to use it. So what ultimately is the problem? Hard to say. Too caught up in the past? Too much of a daydreamer? Gotten gutless over the years? Or too much of a good soldier to pursue my own dreams? Probably all of the above. O.K., maybe there is a point to all this contemplation. But I can't answer all the questions tonight. I need to get back to sleep. Later...
Quick update: got back home yesterday. Feels like I got punched in the stomach by a professional, though I'm going on fairly conservative pain management just to avoid the chance of addiction, so I'm sure my experience isn't typical. Don't regret doing it, at least not yet.