Apologies · 11:18pm Mar 19th, 2019
Not looking for sympathy or pity. Not looking for anything at all, to be honest.
I don't go about making a big, "woe-is-me" issue about my health, because, as I've just stated, I'm not looking for anything. However, since I've no idea when I'll be posting another chapter, I don't want to leave people hanging (again).
I've been dealing with major reoccurring depression for 43 years, amongst other issues as well. There is no particular rhyme or reason as to when, or why, or how hard, this hits. It just does. For whatever reason, the last two weeks has hammered me like a cheap nail, to the point I've been debating self-commitment. It takes more than I have inside me simply to get out of bed, and I'm mostly doing that as I'd rather not make my mattress substitute as a commode. When it gets this bad, I have no desire to eat, and sometimes keeping breathing is an actual chore. I lose all joy in life; things that had brought a smile to my face, or that I'd looked forwards to doing, become grey, lifeless ash.
Writing is one of those.
I have no idea when --or sadly, even if-- this fugue will fade away; it never truly vanishes. But until it does, I simply cannot write.
I'm sorry.
Depression is a beast, especially ambush depression like that. :/
I hope it passes swiftly, but in the meantime look after yourself, and take all the time you need.
I am not acquainted with depression at this level. I do know however that when you're ill your ill, bacteria, virus or what have you.
Know that myself and others on this site are pulling for you when you are able to let us know how your doing, that does not mean are you writing just notes on the progress that you are making. You will beat this!
B.D.
Take your time. Do what you have to. Take care of yourself first and foremost. Depression sucks, and I really hope you find something that helps. If you aren't currently taking any meds for it, I would recommend looking into that as a possibility.
I know that feeling and went through it myself. It happened years ago when I was still at high school and we had family troubles and had to deal with illnesses as well. Let's just say that nobody was happy to the point where I got depressed myself.
Sure therapy worked wonders a bit but that was only for a sort time but then there came the real issue, family. Got a mom that wanted to run away, a dad that looked like he's losing it and a brother that doesn't even try anything to help in the situation, then you get me a person who felt helpless.
I didn't know what to do and felt real depressed again that it was agony. Parents always told me never to tell Antony about our family troubles but you know what I did... I flipped them the bird and called my Life Orientation teacher cause she was the only one I could turn too.
So my parents gave it another shot and I try to hang out with then as much as possible nowadays, sure one can get on the others nerves sometimes but I always try to defuse the situation even when I am not successful to do so.
Right now I'm just happy to be alive and see new things every now and again because I'm a very patient person and I'm not gonna allow an operation on my knee gonna stop me either, heck it's way quiet at home without my brother and it sucks without him.