Unsolicited Advice 1: Stop Having Your Characters Say Things · 6:54pm Mar 12th, 2019
So, after reviewing several stories and editing several works I would like to tell you something that pisses me off to no end; having characters say things. "But Schatten." I hear you say. "How am I supposed to have dialogue unless my characters say things?" And the answer is simple, just don’t have them say things. They can sigh them, or shout them, or even grabble them through broken teeth as they try to force themselves off the ground, but they should avoid just saying them. I cannot count how many stories I have read where the use of the word ‘said’ just killed how interesting the scene was. Said is a dry word that means nothing. It doesn’t tell me what happened or what emotions there were, or anything else that changes the meaning of what was conveyed or gives me insight as to the subtext of the conversation.
It is a dead word.
Let me show you.
“I’m fine,” she said.
“I’m fine.” Her teeth pressed firmly together as the words were forced out.
“I’m fine.” Her eyes were starring of into the distance and her voice was not far behind.
“I’m fine.” Her voice was cold and mechanical as she said this.
Now tell me, if I were to have taken these sentences out of a piece of work, would you have an idea of what the surrounding emotional idea was or at least where you wouldn’t place these? Of course you would, except for the first one. Because it can fit into everything it is weak and devoid of meaning.
So what, great Schattendrache, should I do instead?
Didn’t you read my examples? Tell me HOW it was said, preferably without using said unless that is the only way to have it sound right. Humans convey information not only though the actual words they say, but by their body language and manner of speaking. A good example would be to read a story yourself and then the audiobook of it and see how different they can be. My favorite being The Rats In The Walls.
I will leave you with some final examples of how to do this and why I hate reading “X said”.
Examples of how this improves writing;
"I'm not mad, I'm disappointed," he said
"I'm not mad, I'm disappointed." His voice distant, revealing his exhaustion
"I'm not mad, I'm disappointed," he sighed.
"I'm not mad, I'm disappointed." He told me as he pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head.
Or how write this at the highest level, you use them all (avoid doing this in action filled sections unless you understand how to properly do this as it slows the pacing):
He took in a long breath before slowly sighing. "I'm not mad, I'm disappointed." He pinched the bridge of his nose as he told me this, shaking his head all the while. It was obvious from how distant his voice was that he was exhausted and did not have the emotional wherewithal to deal with me now.
"An informative blog post," Azure said.
5027119
*angry dragon noises* I've taught you better than this! I've read your stories, you normally do what I advise, don't back slide!
5027131
"I never would!" Azure replied, his lips formed to a mischeavious grin. He took a sip from his tea and leaned back in his chair before he added in an ionnocent tone, "Though, what's the fun in making sense?"
I see this all the time, especially in newer writers. It seems like some people feel that they have to put "said" after every line of dialogue, as if it's a kind of punctuation. This is a good post, but it misses one of the things I correct all the time: a lot of the time, you don't need a said verb at all! In fact, in extended dialogue, it can actually ruin the pacing of the scene. Take these two examples:
"How was your day?" he asked.
"Oh, it was fine," she replied.
"Really? Even with the explosion?" he said.
She paused.
"How did you know about that?" she whispered.
Compared with this:
"How was your day?"
"Oh, it was fine."
"Really? Even with the explosion?"
She paused.
"How did you know about that?" she whispered.
Taking out the said verbs makes the dialogue feel a lot quicker and punchier, and gives the final line more impact when it does use one of those verbs.
5027397
Yeah, I didn't want to get supper complicated as writing dialog right would have been a MASSIVE post trying to explain all the subtleties. I just wanted to try to encourage people to stop it with the f*ing "X said" tag in every to most every piece of dialog and create more vibrant scenes. I'll make a follow up post on Friday "Unsolicited Advice 2: When The Dialog Speaks For Itself” just for you then.
Yay, my editor likes my post.
5027434
Seems you like your blog post like your chapters, short and straight to the point
5027443
I like my details in my stories so I make them long. I prefer not to read entire novels to get advice and tips, thus the length of my blogs. I enjoy brevity when it comes to relaying pertinant information.
5027454
And you still have problems to notice a joke, even if it bites you in the tail.
5027434
But if you make another post because I asked for it, doesn’t that make it solicited advice?
5028869
Except if it's the name of the series