There was a Ninja, some woman with green hair named Gertrude, probably my sister Vengeance, and Lord Skywalker. You know. The one that likes to snorkle.) colabed on a story! Somebody stop me! No seriously, I might have a bizarre compulsion to continually tinker with this last chapter. · 1:15am Jan 15th, 2019
Nova gave me a small note on my new change and I resolved to add a quick line...
...Yeah, and then THIS happened:
“After dinner!” Twilight Velvet said quickly. “We’ll come right back, I promise!”
"Yeah! Portals can wait!” Night Light shouted from the rolled-down, driver’s side window of a silver sedan. “Our daughter needs friends that aren’t four-legged!"
“HONEY!” Twilight Velvet hissed. “Don’t say stuff like that out loud! We TALKED about this!”
“We did!” Night Light confirmed. “I just didn’t agree to anything.”
“Hey! At least I can talk now!” Spike cried indignantly.
“That’s the spirit!” Night Light replied. “Never give up! Also… What?!”
Sunset’s forehead tightened. “Why is it always the talking dog that gets people?” She looked down at Twilight Velvet. "Also, technically I'm a pony."
Midnight Velvet just smiled. "That's fine! You seem nice, is all that matter. Whatever you self-identified as now isn't really an issue."
"What?! No, I'm not like... An otherkin. I mean, I'm literally a pony from another dimension!" Sunset frowned. "I suppose that explanation doesn't really help my case."
"Hey, is the problem that I'm a dog?!" Spike called out. "I mean, I don't have to be! I can self-identify as a dragon!"
"A dragon that needs to be taken out for walkies and have his food dish refilled daily?" Night Light asked.
"Fuck you, I'm a dragon!" Spike exclaimed.
Daydream pursed her lips for a moment. "That's surprisingly hard to argue with, all things considering.
"Spike!" Twilight Velvet called out. "If you're going to talk, you're going to pay the price for swearing as part of this family! That'll be five dollars!"
"... I don't have any money..."
Twilight Velvet narrowed her eyes in the direction of the car. "I'll start a tab," she said in a threatening tone.
Midnight let out a very audible growl. "See! I can socialize with Spike, he may still be a dog, physically and, uh, dragon in his erm.. heart, but his intelligence has clearly increased and technically—"
You might need to take a breather but still good job
Oh this is just comedy gold here.
uh...you double copied it looks like
still, amazing! though with the "I'm a pony", I'm surprised Daydream didn't say, "Like that one" and point through the portal at the pony Fluttershy was trying to talk to...and then qualify "But not quite as neurotic..." pause as she thinks back to how she was while the Dazzlings were around, and other events "...anymore."
...I could see Velvet saying "Oh wow you're perfect" in response to the "anymore".
Did you intend that doubling? It restarts after the first instance of "... I don't have any money..."
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Whoops. Fixed the bit up there...
And now I have more to add based on that input.
I really need to put this one down.
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I don't know whether to say "sorry" or "you're welcome"
Please, take a breather, help yourself to some vittles. And remember, MEGATRON WILL SAVE US ALL!!!!!!
...That or I'm hungry and want dinner and a movie...
Anywho, indeed this addition is most humorous. Thank you for writing!
4997269 You be the judge:
"What?! No, I'm not like... an otherkin, or anything. I mean, I'm literally a pony from another dimension!" Sunset frowned. "I suppose that explanation doesn't really help my case."
A shriek pierced the air, followed by, "How many times do I have to tell you! Who knows what crazy mutations I'll suffer if I eat your other-worldly oats!"
"Oh, uh... but they're organic!" Fluttershy insisted to the pony that was stroking her large braid like a comfort blanket and huddled in the corner of her shop next to the door.
"Wait... You guys have oats there that AREN'T naturally occurring?! Now I definitely don't want anything to do with your food!"
Daydream snapped her fingers. "I'm like that pony there, except with a horn... Also not quite that neurotic—" Sunset paused to dwell on pass tantrums and even somewhat recent panicked responses in the face of a trio of singing Sirens turned humans "—anymore," she qualified.
Twilight Velvet's eyes lit up, "Oh, wow you're perfect!"
"Uh..." Daydream rubbed the back of her head. "Well, that's certainly something I could stand to be called more often."
Not sure that fits. Maybe incorporate it into dinner conversation next chapter.
Hang on let me go get a tranquilizer gun.
You're on a roll. Let the words flow as long as they can.
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Pity to lose Spike's "Fuck you, I'm a dragon" line, but that's great!
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It's in there, still. I just folded the changes there with the other two.
I can stay to put it down. I would also be a terrible hypocrite.
I uh... Sorry? You're welcome?
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Nice!
yeah i think at this point just start taking any further suggestions and rolling them into the next chapter, possibly during the car ride over.
oh gods that had me giggling even more!
It's hilarious. You're on a good roll, here.
"Fuck you, I'm a dragon!"
"Lost one, this is lost three. Are you lost too? Over."
My amusement has grown.