News Update · 6:08am Jan 14th, 2019
Been almost a week now. Kinda surprised how fast and slow the days are going. I'm... well, I'm not dying from grief. I'm not recovered completely, and I think I need to make some changes at home before that recovery really happens, but I'm not drowning myself in alcohol or anything like that, so I guess I'm kinda middling on how I'm doing
My aunt, on the other hand, is devastated. Understandably. Her and mom weren't just sisters. They were best friends. My uncle, cousin, and I are spending our time equally between cleaning, relaxing, working through our own memories, and helping my aunt. I myself have once again delved into playing video games perhaps more than is healthy, but at the same time it's hard to do so.
My mom's room is right next to mine. Not hearing her TV, not hearing the occasional bump or thud of her moving around...
You ever hear the term "Deafening Silence,"? I finally understand that term. This house has become far too quiet. I try to play games for too long, and it starts to get to me.
I've logged into my Google Drive a couple times to maybe try writing, but I just sit there staring at the screen, or I start reading already written stuff, and then just distract myself in other ways. Sorry about that. I'm not quite ready to write again. If I'm perfectly honest, writing fan-fiction is probably not going to happen for a long time. My mom always praised my writing ability, and one of the things she wanted me to do was write a book. I'll probably do that before I get back into fan-fiction, or split my focus between them.
I'll let you guys know if I ever get a book published though. I may do something with that whole Hero Souls concept I've got going. Turn it into a real novel, instead of just fan-fiction. Started working out a few ideas just in case that is what I do, but like I said, it's slow going and hard to focus.
Still have some painful things to do over here, but mom always said one step at a time. Already went through her room and absconded with a few things, trinkets I gave her over the years and pictures. I felt dirty taking her TV. She spent more time on it than she did anything else, though whether she actually watched it or had it for background noise is debatable.
I guess things are slowly moving forward. Not that they'll actually stop. Time doesn't stop for anyone or anything. I'll spend my time grieving for mom, and then try and do what she wanted me to do. Become self-sufficient, be modest, and be kind. That was essentially it.
There is one other thing you might find interesting.
"The last words out of this house are, "I love you." I love you all." - My new quote. It sits on the front door of our house now, a permanent reminder that we left things unsaid with my mother. Never forget to tell the people you love that you love them on daily basis. You never know if that one day you don't say it will be their last day, or yours.
Sorry for talking your ear off. I figured I should probably do this, to organize my thoughts and update you all if nothing else.
Take your time getting back into writing. I'm glad that you aren't completely shutting down, but it will be hard adjusting regardless. And it's fine that you rambled a bit, I think you definitely needed some venting/putting your thoughts down. Again, I hope you feel better soon. Best of luck to you and your family.
As 4996854 just said, it's ok,take your time, it will be hard, but you will get past... let your mom be your drive, to go to where you must go... start slow, write some soul fiction, you can write a proper sendoff to your Mother... back when Da Willstanator Mom died he did a small, soulful video, and since you're a writer maybe making a smmall story, to show your love for her may help you move things a bit faster...
you know, now that my uncle Nilo died more than sad I'm angry... angry he went to do that job that killed him alone, angry that he didn't foresee the need to seal up the well, angry that he did die a death disgraceful for our family (For us we either Die peaceful or in the Hospital, never on the job...) so my sadness and grief got muted, still I cried when he was buried, but the thing that is in my mind the most is that he's in heaven... prepping up the land, starting to build the houses we all will live on if we reach heaven or helping Uncle Perico (his brother) with producing the food we'll eat... and then I think that, when my grandpa joins them they'll be arguing because the housing Uncle Nilo will make will be "shoddy" by his standards... and I laugh...