Closure: Full plot spoilers for Smoke here · 3:15am Jan 2nd, 2019
Consider yourselves warned: this whole post is a spoiler. We're well past the point that the only realistic thing is that Smoke is done, so for anyone who wanted to know what had been planned, well, may this post provide you some closure. I'm certain to have forgotten things or misremembered them. It's been a while. But Smoke has only relatively recently stopped attracting new readers. Some of you may still want to know where it never went. With this, I move Smoke from incomplete to canceled--which it's realistically been for ages. Happy New Year's.
In the near term, Done would've found contractors to do the restoration of the theater he bought, via the grandfather of the mare currently running the construction company. The work was conditional: It had to restore the place to its former glory, not make it some modernized affair. Done agreed, but after the old man was mysteriously killed, work slowed significantly, and he turned to less reputable types: Griffons. Done earned a reputation with a night pony on the city guard for helping deal with the murder. Getting them involved was more than Done could afford, and to lure them in, he both revealed his smoke to the owner of the griffon construction company, and (at Day Planner's recommendation--efficiency first, after all), agreed to give partial ownership of The Tall Tale.
Those of you who think Done had it too easy? This is where it all started to go downhill. He'd met a mare he was genuinely in love with, with a voice that could make her a star--a talent too big for his cabaret, but perfect for this new theater. Her performances were drawing big numbers, that part of town was finally being revitalized... and then the other shoe dropped. The griffons were waiting for him in his office with a cockatrice after a performance one night, and knew enough about his smoke to beat it back with their wings. Done was petrified, with Pirouette just outside the room. This was to end the first "book" of Smoke.
The plan was to dump him in the ocean between Equestria and (unnamed) griffon home country, but the son of Done's business partner had a grudge against dad, took him all the way across the ocean, and got him released. Getting back home was delayed, a lot, for various reasons that have nothing to do with adding some pony/griffon porn to the story, and ultimately, after corresponding with Day Planner, he was on his way back--to the Crystal Empire, to retrieve Sombra's horn, and up his game.
Day and Bright Jade were to meet him in the Crystal Empire. The horn was found, and Done stayed there a few nights while they made plans. Shimmering Scales was still in Manehattan, keeping the griffons paws off of Done's personal funds, and Pirouette was doing her best to hold together The Tall Tail in Done's absence, but right then, Done's biggest concern was Jade--she was pregnant with his foal, and in awful condition--she was the most heavily smoked, and therefore heavily addicted of Done's girls, and she needed time just to get her fix, and get functional again.
From here on, plans get fuzzy, details may contradict, and the whole thing was less fleshed out, because it was so far ahead, and I wrote on the fly. Expect a downtick in the quality, because I built what quality there was as I wrote. I am not a long term planner by nature. Expect loose strings. Those are the kinds of things I tie up as I work. Or miss. Sometimes I miss them.
Guilt, justified anger, and rage enhanced by the horn weighed on Done when he returned, and found that Peach had also let herself get pregnant, and had ceased to be useful to Desert Rose, meaning she'd also been badly beaten. In his absence, Rose and the Trotties had expanded their influence, courtesy of the wealth he brought to their part of town, including trying to force Deep Tissue's massage parlor into offering more "personal" services. In a rage, Done and Bruises ruined Desert Rose. Original plan was to kill, later dropped to Smoking her so hard her cutie mark changed, leaving her little more than a sex toy for the Trotties, who accepted that Done was in charge now, got smoked, got pummeled by Bruises, or ran, on an individual basis.
Piece by piece, Done reclaimed what was his, working with the griffon company owner's son to get him convicted and extradited. He'd never make it all the way back to "Griffonland." Things seemed to be getting back together, with Done and Gilded Fields (the name of the mare I mentioned him loving, above) getting very serious about each other, though Mane Event kept trying to ruin everything, and Platinum Pendant became more and more a mixed blessing--a friend in high places, but far too amused by causing problems, and increasingly obviously, a unicorn hater.
When things seemed to be going as they should again, Done was stopped on his way out one evening by a guard pegasus, accompanied by the night pony mentioned above. Someone had let slip certain things, and rather than take him into custody, the guard threw his spear--which Gilded Fields intercepted with her chest. Bruises went berserk here, and more or less mauled the guard pony into a fine paste. The night pony guard, who'd tried and failed to stop the attack, was dragged inside and smoked into absolute loyalty to Done--very heavy, Jade level smoking, driven by Done's pain, horror, and Sombra's rage, courtesy the horn. Between multiple testimonies, Bruises was acquitted (it HAD been self defense, and with the night pony's help, a paper trail was forming indicating the guard had been paid to put Done down). Done couldn't take it, though. He'd gained and lost and gained and lost again, and with help from people with connections (Platinum Pendant and others), he tracked things down to Mane Event. A riot was orchestrated when evidence he was responsible for the death of Equestria's most beloved diva leaked, and via machinations, Mane Event was trapped in his house while it burned.
During this time, Done was dangerously unstable. Between the horn, the corruption of the smoke he'd long dealt with, grief, and rage, he started going out at night, smoking and taking random mares, with no kindness or care involved. Trying to contain the situation and limit the harm Done was doing to himself and others, Shimmering Scales began finding him junkies, homeless, and those with no prospects, and bringing those to him to smoke, provided she got a few whispers in their ears while he was smoking them. This kept Done in, though he was still becoming colder and harder all the time, until he went out on his own again anyway and caught Rainy Season. (This is why the short story, Hooves and Hedonism wasn't canon. Rainy appears here for the first "real" time.) Rainy, for whatever reason, when literally kicked from his bed, tried to get back in, tolerated his abuse... and held out long enough that Done himself couldn't go any further mistreating her. This was Done's breaking point, and though he now had to deal with guilt and self-loathing, he saw more clearly than he had in a long time.
Shimmer's whispers while these victims were being smoked had led them to better themselves. Smoke-enforced willpower to give up booze or drugs, smoke-enforced confidence to advance their careers--and smoke enforced loyalty to Done. Those who truly couldn't climb career ladders were arranged into sisterhoods living in dorm-like apartments, working cheaply to keep Manehattan beautiful, and enjoying economies of scale--ten mares living together could get by on far less pay individually. Bit by bit, as Done recovered, Manehattan improved.
Eventually, Done was approached by a stallion he'd seen at Gilded's funeral--her father. Almost everything the public knew of Gilded Fields was a lie. She wasn't a country girl Done had scouted. She was daughter of the leader of a gang in Detrot. Done had known she was a city girl, but the mob tie was news. Once it was proven though, he heard out this newcomer. Gilded had been engaged to one of her father's underlings, but had taken off, not interested. Though both her father and suitor were unhappy about it, Mr. Fields (not his actual name--Gilded Fields was a fake name entirely) had convinced Gilded's fiancee to let it go, and that had held. Things had gone very, very badly after Gilded was murdered though, with the underling actually seizing control of most of the crime family. Gilded's father had come to Done for protection of those he had left. This would've ended part two of Smoke.
Done and Don (let's call the father that, for simplicity) integrated what Don still had into the Trotties, and fended off trouble from the Detrot gang with that borrowed muscle. In return, Don made the Trotties a much more respectable, capable outfit, thanks to his experience. Part 3 was largely Done coming to rule Manehattan from behind through control of a mob, friends in high places, and his usual methods. Platinum Pendant, it was revealed, was behind a lot of the trouble Done had that just didn't make sense--she enjoyed pulling strings, sometimes in Done's favor, sometimes against. Although Mane Event had arranged Gilded's murder, Platinum had been behind that. By the time Done found out, there'd been more than one side trip to Ponyville, and between the horn's power, and a mare pleasurably distracting Zecora so she couldn't focus to resist (Zecora is the only common character I planned to have strength to resist, with great difficulty), he'd brought the zebra under his control, and had her seal the horn--in his own leg. Without the horn's power pushing him so hard, and having already lost himself and recovered, Done had Day Planner handle Platinum's commands. Day was as ruthless as ever, filling Platinum with guilt--but also making her Done's puppet mayor, through which he truly did rule Manehattan.
Celestia had a cameo at the opening of the theater, and near the end of the story, she reappeared, to take Done down. Done stopped his loyal girls from getting themselves in trouble fighting, and brought forward Zecora. Celestia could try to seal away Done as she had Sombra, this time taking a city of millions with him, and leaving smoked mares here and there all over the world, or she could simply let the sickness run its course: sealed in Done's leg, if she allowed him to age and die, so would the power he controlled. Faced with plunging Equestria into panic as its most bustling metropolis vanished, proving (AGAIN) that Celestia sucks at prevention, depriving millions of ponies of their loved ones, etc.; or allowing a wound to fester, but ultimately truly heal, Celestia (with huge misgivings) ceded Manehattan to Done, quietly. He was prohibited from ever leaving Manehattan, but otherwise, allowed his way until he died.
Things that happened of low importance, somewhere in the story:
- Shimmering Scales leveraged Done's ability to make aphrodisiac champagne to make him a LOT of money
- Trips to Ponyville, which would've seen the spa twins brought into Done's power and brought up to help Deep Tissue go from massage parlor to full spa
- Blossomforth, long distance lover
- Rarity designing clothes for the cabaret
- Mayor Mare fully under Done's control
- Shimmering Scales learning tribal magic from Zecora
- Luna in Done's dreams, realizing that all he really wanted, if not for the smoke, was a happy Hearthswarming with Gilded, Peach Pit, and all the mares he'd loved most. By granting him that dream, she ended him as he simply refused to wake, in his 80s.
Things I planned at one point that were cut even from long term plans:
- Done's daughter--Fable talked me out of this. Still not sure it was the right call. Daughter was to have been the inheritor of Manehattan, but also the one thing that kept Done from ever going off the deep end again.
- Another trip to the asylum, to pick up a mare named Annie, whose mental disorders could actually be kept in control by the smoke. (Name based on Our Lady Peace's "Annie.")
- Egg-laying (the story's description does warn of bizarre fetishes...)
- Done "winning" by seeding corruption throughout Equestria such that if he's removed, ponies the world over are tainted
To bad we never get to see this done, was a good run while it lasted, keep classy good friend!
4989672
Wait, I was classy? When did that happen? Are you sure it was me?
While it's a shame that this was inevitable, it's still nice to see what could have been, had you not drifted away from the fandom.
Thanks for sharing this with us. You certainly had some lofty goals in mind for this story, and it was fun while it lasted.
4989674
Grant that I am insane, and likely made a persona up to make a voice for the words.
Also, grant that I imagined you used a New York kinda class.
Still one of my favorite stories, thanks for giving us some form of closure!
this was the first story I ever read here sad to see it end thank you for a wonderful read
Thanks for letting me know how the story was to end. I'm sorry this story was canceled, but thinks for everything. Best of luck.
It was a fun story and and it's nice to see with the ending would have been
Also I don't think I'll do this but would you be open to someone writing their own version of the story
4989714
Not really, no. There are plenty of new stories to tell; the world benefits more from something new being made than dragging something from its grave.
4989719
not trying to argue against your choice on that but isn't that how stories and folklore are past on through to new generations and people?
Ah shucks. This all sounds like it would’ve been an amazing saga. Still, if it’s over, it’s over, and I’m grateful for what we did have.
4989754
I agree with this. There are a lot of stories, old stories, that benefitted from being ”redone” and “recreated”. They rebirthed the stories in such a way that they made them better, or simply brought back what was lost.
So I completely disagree with your idea that stories shouldn’t be brought from their grave.
Thanks for the late Christmas Gift. It’s interesting to know what could’ve been. :)
Just out of curiosity: What was your plan for Whittle? I’m guess he would’ve smoked her at some point, slept with her and made her to be nicer to Peach. But it would be interesting to hear how close or wrong I was. Because, I would’ve thought the Trotties would turn on him. Then again, they are a street gang so this shouldn’t come as a surprise.
Stop reading my mind (lol) I just thought that I should ask you if you could tell us how you thought Smoke would go. Thanks you for the story (and the prize) and I hope you will write more stories at some point. I also agree with others that it would be nice if other authors would be allowed to pick up the story and try their imagination to it.
4990121
Seems unlikely these days, and they definitely wouldn't be MLP themed. At this point I've got autographed MLP stuff I'm considering throwing away just to get it out of my apartment.
None. Whittle would've been handled off the cuff at some point when she got in the way of something. Most likely, she'd either have been beaten down by Bruises when Done dealt with Rose, or smoked at that point.
I'll reiterate that I would prefer people come up with their own stories. There's a difference between fanfiction and "I don't have a story idea I like, so I'll just use someone else's." That said, I've been completely detached from MLP for years now, and this is likely to be the last time I come to this website, so if someone picks up, I'm not going to know the difference. Just be aware that if someone does, it's without my approval, involvement, or endorsement. It's not Smoke; it's Some Other Guy's Smoke Fantasy.
RIP
I'm surprised at how grand you wanted this story to be, I always felt that Smoke had a very clear goal of "finishing the Celestial theater" and it would go straight to that with some filler in between. A lot of filler :)
With that said, I wish you good luck in your future endeavours.
4990277
That’s unexpected. I always thought she would be more important, with her backstory and all.
Anyways, thank you again for writing Smoke. I really enjoyed your story and I wish you best of luck for your future endeavors.
Thank you for the closure. While I think it would be an even more amazing story if you finished, I understand that sometimes things like this are inevitable. Best of luck in your future endeavours!
I don't know if you'll ever come back to answer any of these questions, but what happened to Pirouette? Wasn't she the one keeping done on a leash from abusing mares and using his smoke to hurt others to an extreme? Did done just simply get rid of her or turn on her by smoking her entirely? Pirouette managed to kept stopping Done from going overboard on her and others, so I find it hard to think of Done bringing himself to hurt or smoke her. Especially with the last chapter you ever posted.
Also, wouldn't the less smoked mares become absolutely horrified by Done's actions and how he starts treating others and abusing mares? Mares like Deep Tissue don't seem to be the type to just stand by and accept it all.
Would've the mane 6 ever realize the danger of Done, or notice the spa ponies or Zecora get corrupted, or do something about it?
Would he even care for his children, or does he see them as pawns to use?
How would Done have acted and thought of all his actions by the end of it all? Evil to the point of being just Sombra again, or face deep regret for hurting mares (which he was supposedly originally heavily against as hypocritical as he was on that), and for getting so many innocents hurt, killed, and/or smoked. He said by his own words that he wanted to improve Manehatten, but it seems like he just stopped the whole 'caring' act. Does he regret the empire that he built by the end of it and hate how much the horn and smoke has taken over him, and continue to rule an empire he created that he hates so much now?
How does Done's life look like near the end of his life? Just living in some form of hedonism that doesn't satisfy him, or something else?
Who is Gilded Fields and what is she like? Was she smoked to accept Done?
How does Done rank the mares he loves from most to least? Since he somehow managed to fall in love with a mare despite being corrupt and proved that he still could still somehow love, would he have actually managed fall in love with the rest of his mares. Do the mares care that he plays favorites and get extremely jealous? Maybe it's just me, but I would guess that the smoke would push the mares to the extreme to get his attention the most. Maybe even to the point where they argue and even fight over him. Unless, the smoke just has power over stopping jealousy and accepting their positions. Who would've been worthy enough to show up in Done's last dream of loved mares. Obviously, some are more loved, while others are just pawns or distant toys, but it would be interesting to see who makes it to Done's personal last moments.
Last question, but what stopped Luna from showing up in Done's dream until he reached his 80's? Seemed like nothing was stopping her from reaching his dreams and causing to never wake up. In fact, how come Celestia couldn't kill Done by some other natural means, that didn't need to wipe out the entirety of Manehatten, like an assassination to end his life prematurely for example?
Side Note: I doubt you'll want to reveal much, or feel comfortable to, but are there other ways to see your future work (despite not being mlp-related) or contact you? Would be a shame to not read your quality of work done on planning such a large story.
5007651
I dropped in on a fluke, and see you're still active on the site, so I'll try to answer your questions in the event you still care for the answers. I should be clear about the fact that I'm not returning, lest anyone think so.
When Done started going off the deep end, Pirouette would've started reining him in less, but not none. She's corrupted after all, and opposing Done too much is beyond her, in light of the fact that it took betrayal and murder of Gilded Fields to truly accelerate the fall. Pity can make people apologists. She was by Done's side until she died. Remember that she's 20 years his senior.
The idea was that he... I don't want to say "stabilized," because he didn't, but genuine meanness like kicking Rainy Season out of his bed is something he was largely done with after hitting true rock bottom emotionally. He does care about the mares he takes, however perverse that care is. It's entirely possible he would have to smoke some mares more to keep them in line, but he was never going to be wandering around beating or slapping mares. That was not the story I was going to tell.
There was a time early on where rather than betrayal by gryphons, my plan was for the Mane 6 to shut him down and get released. That was dropped due to being too unoriginal in light of show content, and wanting to keep the show's main characters as rare appearances at most. It's likely that when confronted by Celestia, they would also have been present, but his trips to Ponyville were meant to be a relatively light touch that wouldn't arouse too much suspicion. He would absolutely have cared about his children. They would've inherited his little "kingdom." If, however, one actually opposed him, that child would've been smoked into line. I'm talking about trying to stop him or rat him out, not smoke in lieu of grounding them or something.
Remember that he sees the world through a very twisted lens. The smoke isn't like picking up a bad guy's gun and using it to shoot. In gaining the power, his own perspective was skewed. The death count, all in all, was meant to stay very low, and with the possible exception of those who deeply hurt him or those he cared about, he would have regretted any deaths, even if he considered them necessary. He would never feel any guilt for smoking mares. Any mares he physically hurt (and again, that's not the tale I meant to tell; kicking Rainy out of the bed, and possibly scenes with fights would have been the only times he physically hurt a mare), he'd have felt horrible about. Any mares he emotionally hurt, if he felt he was at fault, he'd have felt guilty and wanted to make genuine amends. If he felt they were being unreasonable, he might well have just smoked the problem away.
He absolutely didn't stop caring, however twisted his care was. Restoring the theater was to have been the first step in revitalizing the worse parts of town. In the end, Manehattan would have been a prosperous, orderly city... but one without dissent. Think "clean" dystopia. Again, he wouldn't have regretted; his perspective is skewed. If you're asking about original, unsmoked Done? He'd probably have killed himself before allowing any of Smoke to happen. Before finding the horn, he was a genuine good guy.
The intention was death of old age in his 80s, 50 years after the start of the story. He never really recovered from the death of Gilded Fields entirely, but he did ultimately manage to move on enough that he wasn't entirely miserable or unsatisfied. He'd have been the power behind the mayors of Manehattan for many years, pulling strings from shadows. Known as an affluent playboy by most of the city, with whispers here and there about how he got there and held onto that power, the average citizen would have thought well of him, or been suspicious of him, but only those near the very top, and those he personally dealt with would really have known what was going on.
Sonnova... did I really just throw her name out there and not explain her? Look at Smoke's cover image. She's the white pegasus with a long blonde mane between Done and Bright Jade. Yep, right there in the cover image all along. Gilded Fields was a con mare born into a Detrot crime family who wanted out. She oozed charm, and Done fell for her hard. She was the closest thing in his life to a true love, and the one person who possibly could have convinced him to give up the power, if she had wanted to. Her very cutie mark is a reflection of her skill in manipulation though, being a city mare with a name like Gilded Fields. "Gilded" means "covered thinly with gold," and she never saw actual fields in her life. She was the ultimate fake, but Done had what she wanted: a way to a safe, comfortable, rich life without risk to her (she thought). At first, her interest in him was of convenience, but because she was a manipulator herself, she wasn't bothered by what he did, and actually did fall for him eventually. Gilded Fields would have died before she ever came into a conflict serious enough for Done to even consider smoking her.
It's been too long for me to remember a good list, but here's what's really definite in my mind.
Gilded Fields
Peach Pit and Pirouette (different kinds of love, but on par)
Deep Tissue
Shimmering Scales
Bruises
Day Planner
This doesn't mean he doesn't love Day; it means past this point, it wasn't deep enough for me to remember real rankings.
He loved or cared about every mare in his inner circle before I quit writing, to one level or another.
Smoke will corrupt independently of commands. If a corrupted version of a given mare would've been jealous and quarrelsome, that would have happened, given enough smoke to get there. A mare who isn't given to jealousy in the first place, however, might not become jealous no matter how much she was smoked. Corruption without commands leads to different results with different mares. Commands and alterations can override the mare's inherent traits though. In the very beginning, Jade resisted being sexual with a mare on the train, and he changed even her orientation to accept it. "You're fine with me getting with other mares; it makes you proud to be with someone so virile," would have been entirely possible. It was likely that Shimmering Scales would have become jealous at some point as I recall, as she was fairly lightly smoked in terms of mental alteration. Because Shimmer belonged to Fable Wright, he and I would have worked out together how to resolve that, so it might not have resulted in "Nope, you're just not jealous."
Gilded Fields, Peach Pit, Pirouette, Bruises, Pirouette, Deep Tissue, Shimmering Scales, Blossomforth (yep, that Blossomforth) possibly Strawberry... it would've been quite a few, honestly. It's less "who's worthy?" and more "who's close?" Any mare with whom he was particularly affectionate for a long period would have been in the room in his dream, but those above would have been the ones packed in closest.
His life needed to shrivel and come to its end for it to take Sombra's power with it. Cutting it short before he'd have died of old age would've left an artifact for someone to discover in an autopsy, or in another thousand years when land was scarce and a graveyard needed to be moved (and thus the caskets dug up), etc. Letting him wither and die on his own removed a threat forever. Luna could've kept him asleep in a happy dream, yes, but I don't feel it's in Luna or Celestia's nature to just put someone to sleep and leave them to die that way.
I haven't written anything for public consumption since I stopped Smoke. There've been some short things for play by e-mail tabletop games, but they're meant for the players of those games, and don't establish a setting or characters; they just leap in and don't work out of context. I'm ordinarily too lazy to put this volume of work out. Smoke only lasted as long as it did because of the energy readers supplied me. There may never be anything else of significance to read. If that changes, you might see a new blog post from me. If it's mind control themed at all, it'll likely be under the name Distant Gaze.