) Diagnosed! · 2:10am Dec 8th, 2018
After yet another failure to get organized with my projects, and more botched interviews due to communication issues, I broke down and went to the psychiatrist.
Okay so this month, I was on track with my schedule for maybe... three days? From there, it was a struggle to keep on track or even start on anything. Before I knew it, Thanksgiving rolled around and had my eyes rolling to the top of my head. "I let them down again," I told myself. I don't recall specifically what was going through my mind to get me back on track, but when I went to my parents' house, I saw how cluttered and generally unkempt it was. Needing money, I offered to clean it in exchange to help me out with some of the bills that I was behind on.
While I was there, I had two phone screens, and in both cases I couldn't be as detailed as I wanted to be. In the case of the second one, it went so poorly that they wrapped up their questions super early. I had prepared for both of these as well as any individual could conceivably do. I wasn't particularly stressed or anxious, although I did come across as such in at least the second one (they 'calmed' me down from being anxious).
That was the last straw. I said to myself, "I had it. I'm tired of dealing with these organizational and communication issues. I'm going to see the doctor."
I went... and he diagnosed me with ADHD.
It actually explains a lot that's happened in my life up to this point. I had always had trouble keeping track of things. On average I'd spend thirty or more minutes a day looking for things I'd lost. I'd lie awake at night, unable to sleep for one-two hours (on average) because I was in a daze with my thoughts constantly wandering. It was so easy to tune people out in conversations and hard to avoid it. And when it came time to speak, words would hang at the tip of my tongue for three or four minutes (everyday words, too. Just unable to focus in on the recall needed to express oneself).
When I did manage to get started on something, I would hyperfocus on that one thing to the exclusion of everything else in my life. Any of you who've known me from the Creator's Guild since the start, remember when I started reviewing, how I would review more than five stories... a week? Anyone in general, remember how that one month I wrote over 27k words? I basically did nothing else with my spare time. Hell, in the latter case, I neglected basic life things like... I don't know, applying for jobs? And what of the four jobs I've had over the span of my lifetime? Three of the four of them I almost lost because of communication issues or lack of focus. Every interview I've been in, I only get one comment for improvement: Improve Focus.
I took that as a cue that something in my life was seriously wrong. Because with all those things I mentioned, I was damn near non-functional. I was happy, although still sometimes depressed, but frustrated at the same time. I didn't feel stressed or anxious, but people kept saying, "Maybe you're just stressed." For my entire life? I doubt it. My mother and sister both have it as well, and when I went on it, my Mom said that she thought her Mom had it, too.
To treat this I have been prescribed Adderall. Once I took it, I became aware of the addictive nature behind it, and when it was appropriate to do so, I conducted some research on it and the other medicines like it. And while I am so far seeing the Day/Night difference between not taking it and taking it (I was able to function much better today), I do remain a bit apprehensive about my future with the substance. Still, I will take one pill instead of two per day and address my concerns with the psychiatrist when I go back in a couple weeks from now.
For those of you that have stuck with me through this, I thank you for your support. I have a good feeling I will be able to work on my writing projects for you much easier from now on. As well as all the other things I want to do in my life. 
Well, that's certainly good news! I hope you improve and get the help you need
Good luck!
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Oh definitely, I felt positive effects from it within the first hour of taking it. I proceeded to knock out like 5 different things in the morning alone. Then I read some of one of the stories I am obligated to review. It was the least amount of effort I ever had to put into an ordeal like that in my life.
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Well that certainly sounds good! I wish I could do that, but I think I'm just lazy
Good to read you got diagnosed.
Always good to have the information. Hope things work out for you.
I know a book about a guy with ADHD...and dyslexia...
Still, great to know you feel better! :)
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Thank you all for your support. It is a night/day difference between being on the medication and being off of it. I feel like I can actually work on my stories as well as all my other pursuits within this Fandom now. Properly. It's the best feeling in the world.
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Youre welcome!
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Aw, you're welcome!
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As far as actual mental illnesses go, medication is often the deciding factor. It's not that you don't care about what is going wrong, but when there is a chemical imbalance in your brain that can cripple you just as much as a broken bone. There's nothing wrong with you as a person if you suffer from a mental illness, but without medical help it might still be impossible for you to get better.
I think that is important to think about / realize because a lot of people blame themselves and think they are bad people because of the things that they cannot do or that their mental illness drives them to do, when in fact it is just exactly that: a medical ailment that is not their fault but that fortunately today in many cases can be treated.
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Yes! I had a medical issue affecting my mental capacity to handle everyday responsibilities and even hobbies. When I consistently failed to take care of them, I brought myself down emotionally on the basis that it was my fault, that I should have been in control of the situation despite my inability to do so. I literally fed myself stress, anxiety, depressive thoughts, which only further exacerbated the underlying issue. I was able to bring myself to a state of happiness long enough to realize that whatever it is that's causing all this to happen, it really wasn't my fault. And having my own family members and childhood friends look at what I do, take me aside, and all tell me, "We think you have ADHD. Please go see a doctor" really spoke to me on the why behind it not being my fault.
It certainly is one of those things that was just so hard to learn on my own, though.
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And that, in my opinion, is exactly why we need friends.