Equiforce got a review! · 3:34am Sep 5th, 2018
I’ve never heard of a tri-cross but this is what this fic is. This was the first red flag that I got from this fic: too much content to fit into one story ends up being a poorly written essay of explanations and headspace, which is why when I saw the comments section and was praised with the thoughts of the author, I knew I had entered a story with a vision lodged that was yet to be fully excavated.
Yeah, if I hadn't spent more than a year and a half working on this story I would have deleted it by now. (Honestly, I might anyway...)
There's a lot of material I stand by in this story. My description of human!Pinkie Pie, for instance.
Leaping off of her bed in a smooth motion, she moved a box aside to finally find her sneakers. Tying them up carefully, she grabbed her favorite pink hoodie out of the top of the box she’d moved and regarded herself in the mirror.
The girl she saw wasn’t perfect. She wore a very crumpled pink and white top and faded jeans, her hair was a pitiful mess, and it seemed like there was something missing from her. Like there was something she was supposed to be doing but couldn’t. She looked utterly terrible.
Diane closed her eyes, breathing in and out. After a few moments, she looked into the mirror again.
The girl she saw wasn’t perfect, but so what? She had this great pink hoodie and a cool white scarf, her hair was a terrific shade of red and perhaps she looked rather messy, who cares? There were more important things for her to do than worry about how she looked. She had friends to make!
But it's not worth all the work you have to put in to follow it. You have to figure who her mom is in this scene, and why her sisters aren't there, and I'm honestly not totally sure it's immediately clear who Diane even is.
It's not enough to have some good ideas. You have to put the right good ideas into something people have a reason to care about. It's about learning discipline.
You take criticism very well, dude. Don't delete your work; just use it as a springboard to greater heights.
4932012
This 100%. If you ever want some advice or anything, you can hit me up as well!
Good luck in the future man, you've got a bright one ahead.