An explanation, an apology, and a promise · 10:02am Jul 29th, 2018
Greetings, fellow tiny horse enthusiasts. This is King of Beggars.
I haven't been around, and I'd like to explain why. I know you don't come here for this sort of thing, and probably you don't care (I don't say that to shame you or evoke sympathy, I genuinely understand that people have their own problems), but I feel I owe the explanation.
About fifteen years ago or so, my grandpa had a stroke. The stroke paralyzed the left half of his body, but between my grandmother, my sisters, and myself, we got him walking within four months, and within a year he was full self-reliant.
That's why when my grandmother had her own stroke at the beginning of December, I didn't think anything of quitting my job and coming back to take care of her. I thought we would get her back on her feet in no time and I could get back to my life.
It's now going to be August, and she's not doing better. She's actually much worse.
My grandparents raised me, for various reasons, so I've been her caretaker, along with my estranged mother, who prodigal-childed her way back into the family. It's the least I could do for her. It hasn't been easy at all, and the fact that I was constantly tired and taking care of both my grandparents and managing their household and medical needs, while also helping my younger sister with her children since my grandmother can no longer watch them while she's working, has meant I haven't had the energy to write.
I've had the want and the drive, but not the energy or the time. Things aren't better, but I'm better. I've gotten to the point where I'm used to my new workload and responsibilities where I can handle writing again. It also helps that we've gotten a good mix of medications to take care of my grandmother's ever-worsening dementia.
And to be honest, I have been tinkering with the new Sundowner chapter for months. Truthfully, I could've published the chapter that accompanies this blogpost months ago, but I've been ashamed that I've taken so long to get it out. My confidence in my writing's so low that I tinker and tinker, and the fact that I haven't put anything out for so long has become this wall that I can't break through. There's actually probably about 11 different versions, with 6 or so wildly different scenarios, that I could've put out. This is the one I think will lead to the strongest ending, however, and I'm putting it out because I need to break that wall of self-doubt.
I need a win to break this streak, so I picked a chapter and threw it up. This is a decision I made about two hours ago, and here we are. I needed to get this out, to force myself onto the tracks again.
I'm very sorry to my readers who enjoy this story, and if any of you are willing to stick with it, I'm promising that I'll do better. Maybe that doesn't have much weight, but there it is. Please enjoy the chapter and have a great day.
Please be excited.
I think your story is one of the best written around here, like no joke, you are a pro. Obviously, you need time and hard work to make this as good. When it comes to fanfiction, I, and many others, would never mind waiting, even for years, for a good story (it is free entertainment consarn it). It is just amazingly nice of you to give an explanation, but you don't need to apologize.
I also take care of a sick relative, and I know how trying and stressing it can be. I simply can't write, at all. So, thank you, for writing more of this great story, take all the time in the world. Best wishes.
I'm so sorry to hear about all your troubles lately. I hope things get better for you. I know what it's like to be dealt a shitty hand, but that's particularly shitty.
Nevertheless, I must admit I am excited to see you back. Your stories are some of my favorites on the site.
That's a rough situation to be in, and I hope things will start getting better, or at least easier to handle, for you soon. And as for the story, I'm super excited to see you back. You're a fantastic writer and I can't wait to see what you've been working on.
I can't help but be when the new chapter notification popped up.
Anyone that claims otherwise is a sweaty Applejack.
you made the best story on the site, take all the time you need friend!
KoB, real life comes first.
Anyone that faults you for being a caregiver to what effectively was your parental figure when they are ailing is no one whose opinion should matter, but that's my opinion on things.
Happy to see you back, hope things do get better in a fortunate way for you and your's, and I for one eagerly await more TwiGuard *excited fox floofs tails*
That's intense and it's amazing that youve found such a solid handle on everything. We're patient and here for you, bro
Sorry to hear about all that going on.
It's great to see you posting again.
A lot of people have issues with their writing and it's something you'll probably have to deal with as long as you write but I, and the others here, genuinely think it's good so I hope you can have a little more confidence in yourself.
No worries rl takes top billing take care of you and yours we will be here and I'm saveing this chapter for work tonight
Not the first story I've loved that took a year between chapters for whatever reasons, and yours are pretty legit. But to echo what I just said on the story proper, you've still got the touch, no matter what doubts gnaw at your mind. It's only a shame if that talent goes to waste.
I believe i can say that no one here is mad at you. Sometime life makes us busy and we cant help it, and all we can do is soldier on. Me speaking for everyone here, welcome back and thank you for giving us the best of yourself.
Life should always be first, and family is always a big matter.
I just wish to thank you for being willing to write in such troubled times.
You clearly have had a lot going on in your life, and I totally get that. I'm just happy to see the story update, so of course I'm excited for it.
I love your writing and always am excited to read the next chapter, but you and your family should always come first over random internet strangers.
Your story seems eerily similar to mine, or at least what mine could be not too long from now. Regardless, despite what you say there are folks who care, myself being one of them. I'm happy to know you're getting the hang of things, and hope your grandmother gets better.
And this update is received with an objectively exorbitant amount of excitement—I don't think I go by two months without attempting to get a friend into this story. Anyway good luck, and thanks for the update on what's going on.
Glad to see you back, I’m rereading some stories I loved while waiting for updates and of course Twilight Guard is on that list.
You do you and we, your fans, will be waiting.
Life doesn't always let us do what we want but don't ever think that your dedication to family detracts from your dedication to your written work. We love your work and I'll patiently wait for each update with no judgement. Different things need focus at different times.
That is terrible! I know that this doesn't mean much, but I am wishing you the best of luck. You are also way too hard on yourself about your writing ability, Sundowner is without a doubt one of the best stories on this site. Sometimes tinkering with a story is an important part of writing, but be confident in your ability to know when is enough. Nothing is perfect, and that is something that everyone has to embrace, a story does not have to be perfect, many imperfections are only visible to the one who wrote it. I suppose, in summary, believe in yourself, and know that you have fans cheering for you.
Taking care of real life always comes first, you have no obligations to anyone but yourself. Taking care of family to the extent you've done is extremely admirable, and I mirror the sentiment off all the other commenters when I say I completely understand.
And Sundowner is a fucking phenomenal story, one of the very best on the site. It's unique, it's magnificently written, the characters are deep and believable, the setting real in a way few can pull off, but more than anything, your desire and passion to write the story is clear in every word and paragraph.
I will fight whoever says otherwise.
You take care of your people man. That's what's important.
But thanks for thinking of us so much that you wrote up a big blogpost explaining why there was a delay. Shows you care about your readership's time and investment in your work.
Remembering your Twiguard work reminds me that it's hands-down the best iteration of that concept for an au. And I love your work in Sundowner, it's the definitive Sunset perspective for me, even despite the au elements.
As someone recently in a similar boat wrt elder care (though in my case it's parents, and fortunately not nearly so bad yet), I can confirm that it's a full-time job — more, depending on how much you're in the hook for. (And babysitting on top of it?! Eesh.)
Glad you're at least getting to take a breather. Good thoughts.
You are my favorite author, so it greatly confuses me that you lack confidence, we can tell you got the skills!
Sundowner is my favorite fanfic in the entire fandom.
Every time someone asks me what's my favorite, without question or hesitation, I always say Sundowner. There have been days where I sat, sighing wistfully at the air thinking "When will Sundowner come back from the war?", and every time it does I celebrate and cheer and I read the new chapter as quickly as possible, and then I absorb every single word that is dropped onto the page.
And every time the wait between chapters has been worth it, because of the beautiful and lovingly crafted words put onto the page.
I'm terribly sorry to hear about how things are going in your real life, and I completely understand the need to take time away from your creative projects in order to make life better for your family. You absolutely are welcome to take breaks from the story, even stop it if you have to, if it means getting your life in order. A creator always comes first, the project can come second.
And I will always be here, excitedly waiting for whatever you write next for your stories, because I know it will always be worth the wait. As long as you keep up the amazing work, I will always be here for it, no matter how long it takes to come out. So take care of yourself, and never stop being so amazing 💕
Welcome back, and may you always be inspired.
I'm terribly sorry to hear about your situation, I hope things get better. You are an Incredible writer, I'll be patiently waiting as long as it takes for you to get back on your game. Thank you for thinking of us tho.
Your stories are still some of my favorite on this site and I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It's always hard, but as a Brony you should know that you're never alone. I had to take care of my Grandparents as well as my Parents so I have some experience dealing with the issues. If you care to private message me, I can send you some resources that may be of assistance. Thank you for continuing to write as your stories have given me joy in hard times. I'm glad you're still with us.