Some Relationship Advice from a Polyamorous Demisexual · 4:23pm Jun 25th, 2018
Some background first.
So, as some know, I've had two boyfriends and I'm on a third.
The first boyfriend lasted a month and I'm not entirely sure either of us really felt anything for each other. Haven't talked to him in a while, but I still consider him a friend *shrug*
The second lasted about six months before my mom found out and we were forced to break up. That forceful break up killed my spark of love for him, although I didn't notice at first. We still kinda talk? But I wouldn't consider us friends considering that we often argue.
My boyfriend now, Aidan, has known me for quite a while. We're approaching our 9 month anniversary, and in the time during our relationship I've 1) realized I'm biromantic, 2) realized I'm polyamorous, and 3) identified myself as a demigirl, which is on the nonbinary spectrum.
Now for the advice.
Crushes
If you find yourself crushing on someone, but aren't sure they like you back, you should just tell them. You'll never know if you don't try. To be fair, however, you might be shy and need to do it anonymously, or in a way that they might not see, which is perfectly fine! Hell, I did that the other day for a crush! If they like you back, then great! If they don't, you can still be friends. Just because someone doesn't like you the way you like them doesn't mean that you can't be friends.
The Relationship
So your crush is now your significant other. Awesome! If you're a long distance relationship, a way to have a date would be to watch a movie on a site like rabb.it, or to play games that are multiplayer online. You could call on hangouts, or discord, or whatever text and call app you have. If you're in different timezones, that's okay! You can still do those things, just make sure you both can stay awake (last night I was watching an anime with Aidan and It was almost 2am for me before we stopped.) If you're polyamorous, like me, you might develop a crush on someone else while in your relationship. Tell your partner, and if they're okay with you having more than one s/o, go for it! Tell your other crush you like them, and tell them you are poly too!! That's important because if you don't tell them you have another s/o, that's technically cheating. Have them meet each other, or at least make a group text for you and the others to talk in.
Break ups
Sometimes, you two just aren't meant for each other. And that's okay. You could be with them for months, or even years, before realizing that. It may hurt at the time, but you'll be okay. Sometimes, your ex is pretty chill about it and you remain friends. Other times, it goes horribly wrong and you can't stop butting heads. I've been through both. Trust me when I say that it's okay if that happens. You can't be friends with everyone, and whether it's their fault or yours that you two keep fighting, just have the courage to get up and try again. Maybe they weren't the one, but someone else might. Don't quit dating just because you had a rough break up.
TL;DR
I have had three boyfriends. One ended well, one ended rough, one I'm still dating.
You have a crush? Confess in your own way! They say yes? You have a significant other! They say no? You can still be friends!
You have a significant other? Go on dates! Long distance? Rabb.it or game! You're poly? Tell them! They're okay with you dating more than one person? Confess to your second crush and tell them you're poly!
You broke up? That's okay! It was mutual/not rough/etc.? You got a friend! It was rough and you can't stop bickering? That's okay, whether it was your fault or not, not everyone has to like you.
Um
I don't know how to say this
But
I have a crush on you
I couldn't agree more with you, actually, everything you said. Well except the poly stuff since I'm not so I'll have to reserve judgement on that.
I think of you as a friend^^
4889561
o shit
i have a crush on u too
4889566
fair
4889577
:D
I've had three separate girlfriends (not all at once, I'm no cheater) in my lifetime, and all of them didn't work, I've never been in a polyamorous relationship before, but honestly? I would like to try it out someday, moreso out of curiosity. I hope you and your lover have a great life together
What if
I just want cake and relationships are ghey?
4889681
ghey
also probly ace
0 crushes :D
4891267
that's a tough record to beat
4891431
0 ever! :D
I win
Sadly, I didn't follow that advice after a bad breakup. But trying to find someone is hard....
4892255
That's fair
4892256
mhmm. I mean, I just seem to be unlucky with who I "find"
Beautifully said. And thanks for the advice! When I found out my crush was aro I just decided to maintain my friendship with her.
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