Random Ramblings CCLXXV · 5:59am Jun 7th, 2018
IN WHICH I WILL BE LATE
Before I explain myself, here's one of my very favourite songs. Sorry no MV, but good music is good music.
Despite being 30 years too young for 'em, I'm a huge fan of Feat thanks to my dad. Anyway…
SO. Good news bad news time.
Good News: I have made more progress on Chapter Three of The Rejected. I even threw in the title drop just like I'd always planned to. Technically, I could post the chapter now and the few readers the story has will be glad just to see things moving forward.
Bad News: I'm still not satisfied. And as the author, I don't want to put out an inferior piece of work just to meet an arbitrary deadline. Nonny is busy (not blaming him one bit), and without a second pair of eyes, final tweaks take the longest. Thus, chances are high I will not be posting the new chapter on Thursday like I said. Now, I did give myself some wiggle room due to having to act like an adult this week and never fully committed to that date. Friday maybe.
No story can ever be perfect. But I want it as polished as it can be before y'all see it. Reader and prereader feedback has been a real boon to this story and Recovery. That one will probably be posted all at once as it's much shorter. Hell, I think its total word count is less than this story's third chapter alone, which passed the 5000-word mark in my last revision… though I'm not 100% on that anymore since I added that prologue.
Meanwhile, I've been in a right funk for most of the day, even though one of my closest local friends had her birthday today. I bought her a cupcake at her request. But there's just something about seeing multiple pretty girls all with boyfriends that sort of gets to me, as I'm unwillingly single: a state of being that I do not expect to ever change.
Every girl I know is either lesbian/bi, asexual ("ace"), or taken. OR lives on the other side of the planet. This is what I get for being naturally attracted to "weird" girls.
Yet I feel those same girls are too interesting for me, because I consider myself to be hopelessly boring. I mean, look at me. I write stories about ponies on the internet. I have a small but loyal reader-base who I appreciate massively. I sure as hell ain't making any money. And unlike other authors here, I refuse to set up a Patreon. The reason is because, in addition to lack of popularity, I'm simply not reliable enough in my output to justify it. Also, I worry that I wouldn't be able to live up to expectations for a commissioned MLP story. So I tell people No when they ask. My other interests are mostly passive, like long-ish walks in the parks or watching anime and music videos.
"Fanfic" is a dirty word in writing circles, and I'm ashamed to admit to most IRL people that I write these stories, even though I pour every ounce of effort I have into them and am proud of most of them.
I've just been on a real downer kick lately and have no idea why. I'm on my meds, so that's not it. I've been getting some exercise when possible, so that's not it either. I guess I'm just lonely. But as this evening proved, I can and will be lonely in a crowd. Also, I'm afraid of other men. Alpha-male I am not. Perhaps it would be easier if I was gay, but no -- after living on this planet for nearly three and a half decades, I'm 99.9% sure I know my own sexual orientation, and I have no desire for the D. Gimme a nice set of T&A though, preferably attached to a girl who is both intelligent and half-insane.
I envy the attached. I envy the married. I don't envy the parents (I hate kids under the age of about 8) although I envy their euphoric happiness. That's really me in a nutshell -- I'm a bitter, jealous, hateful person much of the time. I'm overly concerned about what others think of me because of my severe rejection issues. I hate being praised yet need validation, and that just pisses some people off.
I'm fucked up.
Nonetheless, I can set at least some of my many problems aside while I write, so I can entertain you with my words. Whether I make you laugh, cry, or think, getting any sort of reaction at all means I've succeeded in what I'm trying to do, and that's the best validation of all.
It's 1am here, so I'm going to try to sleep and get on a more-sane schedule. No promises though. Rejected Ch.3 will be out when it's ready, not a moment sooner or later (unless it's the middle of the night -- I still need to find the best time of day to upload).
Peace out.
No. I'm pretty sure writing pony stories on the internet effectively makes you weird and interesting. To some not necessarily in a good way. I have a story that I'm thinking about publishing here soon but I don't know if anyone would even read it tbh.
And don't worry about feeling pressured in getting it out. Just get it out when you feel like you have the time. And I know how you feel about being envious toward the attached. We'll get there someday.
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I'd read it. Hell, I'd preread it. I did some proofreading for CoffeeMinion's excellent Limestone Pie story Heavy Rock (and then used some of its plot as throwaway fluff in SRA upon seeing he referenced my Burrito fics).
Sometimes you just gotta take the plunge. I see you already have one fic under your belt. Very few people read my first story, and most of the comments were mildly positive but nitpicky about grammar things (they were wrong, by the way). Most writers aren't stupid enough to go experimental for their second published story ever, but I did… and lucked out, because the story was Sunset Shimmer Buys A Burrito.
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It's sexual in nature. You still up for reading it? And thank you very much, I appreciate it a lot! And that story was kind of an experiment. It was done using the characters of others, partially because I was doing it as story for a forum I was a part of and partially because it was the easiest way to get people to read something I wrote. For them to have some kind of investment in it from the start. I decided to put it here after a little thought but I never finished it. Kind of glad about that to be honest. The forum basically died and it wasn't going too well to begin with. There's already a ponified Homestuck story on Fimfiction and it's better than mine. Even if mine might've ended up being more emotional had it been finished. It also would have been way behind the MLP canon, so there's that.
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I looked over the first chapter of Dusk Melody's story where a Centaur ravishes Humanoid Celestia, as well as another one of his where a Unicorn gets brutally raped and her horn cut off. I may be a prude IRL and in my own work, but sexual stories don't bother me as long as they don't have kinks that make me ill (anything to do with excretory functions, basically).
Homestuck, however, is where I have to draw the line. I can't give a fair look-over to anything crossing over with it because, among other reasons, I have zero familiarity with it.
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I don't expect anyone to read that story and tbh part of me hopes no one ever does. :P It's not like I'm ever going to finish it. I still have my notes of what I planned to do in it and stuff but just too much time has passed. It's not worth it. And I've lost interest. Also it's not that good. I had to use images because I couldn't properly describe some landscapes. While that's not bad to do, I just feel like it was cheating a little. I didn't even try to include a description with the images.
And thanks. :) If you want you can read it before I publish it. https://www.dropbox.com/s/ivf6prv91221mvz/Intimate%20Paradise.odt?dl=0 Or you can wait until I publish it. Up to you. I've already edited it heavily after a few others read through it and gave me suggestions.
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https://www.fimfiction.net/story/411584/intimate-paradise
Published.