The One and the Only · 8:14am May 23rd, 2018
Does writing make you a writer or do you become a writer from your experience in writing? Do you only become a writer once others have seen your writings, or does others reading your writing only count as a subcategory of a writers fame? Can I write good? What is good writing? Is it good because everyone likes it or is something good by a set of placed rules? Can writing break those rules but still be qualified as good? Why do we need to know this? Does knowing what good writing is help us to write better or does it make us more susceptible to the doubt that comes with the possibility that we cannot follow any set of rules, and thus, never be good?
Maybe that's why we post stories here. Maybe these questions are actually the answers. No one can answer a question when there is no question. that means that without the questions, there would be no answers. Without that question of 'am I good enough' we cannot become any semblance of 'good enough'.
"HOW'S MY GRAMMAR!?"
"IS MY WRITING GOOD!?"
"AM I WORTH IT!?"
That last question is what all this leads to. 'Am I good enough? If I am, how do I know? If I'm not, does it matter?'.
STOP THINKING!!!
…
Do you hear that? That sound of nothingness? That blissful sleep you find yourself in when nothing matters? It's wonderful, isn't it? It's so nice, not listening to the worlds problems. Unplug, get away from it all, stand back, escape. Ah yes, this makes life worth living. Doesn't it?
No. It doesn't. Without loss, there is no return or gain, without pain, there is no understanding, without death...there is no bliss.
You who have known me since I first got on fimfiction, a little over a year ago, should remember that I was a by-the-book fellow. I was best friends with the the One and the Only. He was rambunctious and fun and just a nice guy to hang around. He was the ying to my yang. He was the Chaos to my order. He was the zig to my zag. We were unstoppable. No matter how bad the world got, we would be there together, as friends.
Then he died.
On the 3rd of October, 2017, The One and the Only was hit by a car, never to awake again.
I hated myself. Why couldn't I have been there? Why!? WHY!?!? I should have been! I should have died that day! I was the one who spent his time to much to himself! One had plans! He had ideas!! He was going to go so far in life, make so many friends, start so many great things! Now? Now!? He'll never get to do these things!!
I stopped everything. I had already been neglecting FiM. Now, I wanted nothing to do with it. It was a cheery place, filled with cheery people. People who deserve a better friend than me. I stopped exercising, working, eating. EVERYTHING!? THE ENTIRE WORLD WAS WORTHLESS!! THE ENTIRE WORLD COULD GO TO HELL!!! NOTHING MATTERED!! I WAS MAD AT GOD! I ASKED HOW HE COULD LET THIS HAPPEN!!!! HOW COULD THIS PERSON BE TAKEN FROM THE WORLD!?!?
I was no longer asking the question 'am I worth it?' cause how could I be? I stopped thinking entirely.
...
Do you hear that? That sound of nothingness? That blissful sleep you find yourself in when nothing matters? It's wonderful, isn't it? It's so nice, not listening to the worlds problems. Unplug, get away from it all, stand back, escape. Ah yes, this makes life worth living. Doesn't it?
No. It doesn't. Without loss, there is no return or gain, without pain, there is no understanding, without death...there is no bliss.
I didn't need to unplug. I needed to plug back in and sleep for a bit. I didn't need to get away, I already was. I didn't need to stand back, there's plenty of space for us all. I did need to escape. I was caged, like an animal. I was caged inside my own mind.
I gave up on a lot of things. Then one day I opened a page on chrome for kicks. I found something on the computer. A private message from One which I cannot read to you. It is between us. But I will tell you what it did.
I saw. I saw what One saw. I saw something he had been seeing his whole life. We were all worth everything and nothing. When we look up to God we are nothing, when He looks down us, we are everything, when we look at each other, we are something. With this philosophy in mind...I smiled. I laughed, cried, and laughed some more. I found that thing that made One laugh so much! He had decided to be something in his own eyes. He'd solved the problem of the question 'Am I worth it?' He knew that it wasn't what you asked, but who? We never ask ourselves.
This is to you One. The best friend I ever had.
It actually took me some time working on this. I hope that those of you who know One are not to upset. I really should have said something sooner. This whole thing is part of the reason I've stopped the whole Main Universe we were working on. I found no reason to continue. I may not be ready to continue the stories for a long, long time. I hope you can forgive me for that One.
There's one more thing I'd like to say about how One saw the world. He appreciated the little things so much that when big problems occurred, he'd keep a level head. He was smarter than most of us, and he probably knew it.
I've talked it over with members of my family, and I'm over it. I just decided that. People die, that's life. Love them now, and love them later.
You are stronger than you think. To keep going and even change your outlook for your friend is noble, and more people should be like you and your friend. If I had the chance, I would shake your hand.