Facehoof · 2:00am Mar 31st, 2018
Normally, I don't criticize the work of other authors here on Fimfiction because I know how utterly horrible I was in the beginning and how much more I have to learn. Sometimes though, I have to vent or my head will pop off my shoulders. This was directed to a story, now deleted, by an author, who is now banned. At least temporarily. The author had eaten a 24hr ban before this apparently for the same story, which they supposedly re-submitted with no edits. Big surprise it got punted again.
I did a quick read through of the story, because even bad stories can teach us things, and I quickly understood both why the story about Spike and the CMC having sex at summer school had eaten so many downvotes and had been deleted...
I have to admit being tempted to report this just for how bad it is. Okay, it's not Evictus level bad, but it's pretty horrific. From a technical standpoint there are:
- tense errors all over the place
- punctuation errors
- saidisms
- lack of said tags
- improper use of wordsFrom a content standpoint I really have to point out the incredibly over the top number of times cup sizes are mentioned. Not waist or hip sizes, but cup sizes. Multiple times, for the same characters. Telling your readers the physical aspects of a character really only needs to be done once, twice maybe. Secondly, I have the honor to be the husband of a woman with a cup size larger than any mentioned in this story. I won't give you the exact cup size because you wouldn't believe me if I told you.
They are the bane of her existence.
It isn't just the unwanted male attention, which is just as massive as her breasts, its also the physical problems from such massive mammaries. Constant back pain, to the point where a corset is welcome support and consider trying to run with large breasts. Sports bras do nothing to limit the concussive force generated by boldly bouncing boobs. Not too mention having to buy said corsets and bras via special order or custom make. Which brings me to another point.
Where is the breast play in this? You make absolutely certain that we know a female characters breast size at every possible opportunity but there is barely any mention of breast play. Where is the licking, the sucking, or any of the fun things you can do with a breast beyond the simple single squeeze you have the protagonist do? Where is the description of him having to work his way past straps, clasps and buttons? Where is the anticipation in any of this? The building desire that rises higher and higher before climaxing in a crescendo of orgasmic ecstasy. It's all wham, bam, thank you Ma'am.
And yes, on top of all that, no matter what you claim, the characters are likely all underage. Simple reasoning is that adults don't go to summer school. But I'm not going to report you, and I'll tell you why.
This story is your doing. It is your crime, and it is also your sentence.
Anyway, I'm writing furiously to fulfill a commitment I made last year which sadly, has put Twilight Learned on temporary hiatus. Until I have accomplished my goal, the only stories going out will be Mail Troubles and Brightly Lit. With luck, I should be able to revert to a normal writing schedule by the end of April provided I don't give my doctor another panic attack like I did this past month. I just wanted to touch base with you all and let you know what's going on with me and mine.
If it’s not as bad as Evictus writing, then why did it get kicked and the account banned? I’m having trouble understanding. Mostly because of the comparison to such a maybe troll worthy writer.
The title sounds painful. The story... even more so.
4828965
Resubmission with no edits, a very clear violation of site rules
4828997
Ah I see. I didn’t notice that was said. I also find it odd that the person wouldn’t edit it before resubmitting.
It's likely a very young kid. Knows he like huge boobs... but hasn't a clue what to do with them!
4829016
Probably, and one of the reasons why I didn't name them here is because they aren't here to defend themselves. Had the story not gotten punted I would have left my comment there, but it did while I was writing the above. So, I just put it here.
Sorry to hear about your wife. Has either of you looked into reductive surgery?
4829037
Yes, I have looked into breast reduction, but because they can not guarantee that they won't cut the nerve to the nipple, I've said no. Female sensuality and sexuality is often dismissed. How would you like it if you had the nerves to an erogenous zone permanently severed even if it was for your benefit? Nope. Anything done to the penis is first rate. Breasts are considered ornamental, so they don't have value even if they give the woman sexual pleasure. Slice the nippled off, move them up, make them ornamental and completely non-functional, and voila! size Cs.
No, thank you. I like having what few erogenous zones I have functional working. I was in a car accident years ago and have a deficit, but again, because it's female anatomy, and not a penis or it's function, doctor's don't care!
When your breasts are so large and so heavy that each bounce of each jogging step makes you feel as if you can't breathe, cause you litterally can't cause your lungs just got crushed by your ribcage bending INWARD...
Little twerp knew NOTHING of breasts other than "hyukhyuk big breasts gooder."
4829057
Ah. I'm sorry to hear about the dilemma you're in.
As someone who frequently bails out of stories much more coherent than what you describe, I am impressed by your doggedness.
Good lord, sounds like a badfic. But hey, we all start somewhere.
4829057
I feel bad for any doc that has to deal with you. :P