Chapter 8 has been rewritten! · 1:15am Jan 3rd, 2018
If for some reason you haven't read past my rewrites (which I don't mind, because I know the originals are bad), keep in mind that there are minor spoilers in the changelist to come. And without further ado...
The Changelist:
-The whole back and forth with Vinyl and Seth over breakfast was removed, where he was a total dick to her. Also, it was an inconsistency with Vinyl's agreement with Seth in the new chapter 7, where the meals were included in his pay. I also included a few references to her knowledge of Liquid Rock.
-Removed the unnecessarily creepy scene with Carrot Top.
-Altered his interaction with the Apple Family. There was no reason for Seth to get angry with taking Apple Bloom to school, especially when he was getting paid for it. It would be easier than lifting, that's for sure. But no, Seth had to be a spoiled brat and get angry. Speaking of which, this also leads to a huge change...
-Cut the scene with Apple Bloom riding on Seth's shoulders. As cute as the image was and as much as I loved that scene, it made no sense. Seth had no reason to get angry with Apple Bloom, thus she never got depressed and needed cheering up. It was also completely OOC for Seth as he was then to bother cheering her up at all. Therefore, the scene had to get cut.
-to replace the Apple Bloom scene, I elongated the scene with Rarity and made it a normal conversation that challenged Seth's preconceptions of her (you know, instead of him threatening to eat Sweetie Belle like the edgy OC he was).
-Reworked the scene with Cheerilee so that he was delivering to her, and didn't need to be coerced into meeting her.
-Reworked the scene with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon to be something more related to her family. DT is still a brat, but I'd like her bratty nature to at least make sense. "I'm important so talk to me random human that I've no reason to care about or I'll tell my daddy!" to "why the heck is one of our precursors working for the farm when he could work for us, and get more the triple the pay?" This allowed me to hint towards Seth's blowup later, and develop his character to show his underlying morals.
-And in what's possibly the biggest change, I cut Seth's rant at Pinkie. And this is why I chose to keep the original chapter 8 uploaded. I know full well the ramifications of cutting this scene. If Seth never gets mad at Pinkie, she never gets depressed. If Pinkie never gets depressed, Twilight never gets mad at Seth. If Twilight doesn't get mad at Seth, their relationship doesn't sour nearly irreparably. Which will change the entire tone of their interactions in the future. So yeah, expect to see a huge change in the flow of the story.
As for why I cut this scene, it's because given the characterizations of Seth and Pinkie so far, it didn't make sense. Since Seth never carried Apple Bloom, Pinkie never got the hare-brained idea to try riding him too. Furthermore, Pinkie wouldn't do something that crazy to Seth, as she knows full well (from what she heard from Rainbow Dash and a few others) that Seth is very ornery, and that she can't just approach him the same way she does everyone else. EVEN FURTHER, this new Seth wouldn't dare lose his cool with her. After hearing how everyone knows and loves her, it would be a damned fool thing to do to lose his temper with her. For all he knew, he'd get driven out of town.
-Lastly, I added a scene with Twilight and Celestia at the end, to further the plot point I made in chapter 7, where Twilight resolved to ask Celestia for help on how to deal with Seth. This scene has Twilight spilling to Celestia that Seth is a human, but doesn't quite mention Sombra just yet. Even so, this is enough to perk their ears.
That about covers the major changes in the chapter! If you haven't already, please leave a comment on the rewritten chapter to tell me what you think of the changes!
The blog preview made me thing if a story of a changeling named Changelist.
Good edits overall, im happy for you!
Oi, get back to work ye lazy git! I've still got half a point in me mug an I ain't above takin a piss all over ye bed!
Translation: Nice work Terran, lets get to revising that next chapter my friend, I'm ready to work, myself, and you should consider yourself formerly, aggressively, accosted to rework more chapters.
Ah yes, Tales of the Oppressed. Given that it's being rewritten, i'll have to put it in the list of stories to reread. Looking forward to it.
Thx for the post. I had completely forgotten to follow Amarillys' story and didn't notice you had finished it.
It made for a very nice (late?) Christmas present.