Insomnia by Torph

Insomnia by Torph

I am Matthais123. Have you ever wanted to make a FanFic that was really well written and was very descent in length, but in terms of moral, lesson, characterization, originality, and logic was absolutely horrible? Well, don't worry, all you have to do is read this FanFic! Well, let's dive right in!
The story is basically about what happens when Twilight Sparkle reads a murder mystery book at night when she can't sleep (hence the title). Apparently the answer is that she somehow comes to the conclusion that Pinkie Pie has murdered Scootaloo.
Okay, you know what, just stop for one freaking moment. First of all, why the stupid Cupcakes reference? The author even has Twilight call her "Pinkamena", basically the code name for Cupcakes!Pinkie. Don't you have a mind of your own? I mean, why couldn't Applejack be the alleged murderer? Also, why does she exactly come to this conclusion? You know what the author apparently gives us as an answer to that question? "Crazy Twi! Crazy Twi! Lesson Zero, Crazy Twi!" I'm serious, this is just a "Crazy Twi" Fanfic Seriously. That's all it is.
Anyway, after tricking Spike into sending a badly written letter to Celestia concerning her theory. . .hold on a minute. First of all, the poorly written letter. Apparently you're trying so hard to hammer the fact that Twilight has gone crazy, but don't you think this is a little cliche? Also, the brief scene we have with Celestia and Luna feels so. . . unnecessary. It's like filler. Basically Celestia dramatically announces that she must safe Twilight, while Luna begs Celestia to be careful and is touched by her sister's bravery. Okay, first of all, why is Luna worried about her mighty, sun-raising Alicorn sister? And second, why doesn't Celestia realize that the messed up letter clearly proves that Twilight isn't in her right mind and that she is in no trouble whatsoever? Celestia is clearly convinced that Twilight is mortal peril, and that the danger in the ridiculous letter is real. Has she forgotten Lesson Zero? Why is she taking another one of Twilight's sanity slippages so seriously?!
Okay, so meanwhile, as Twilight tries to kill Pinkie Pie- WHAT THE HELL?!
I'm not exaggerating. Twilight quickly admits that she is really attempted to kill Pinkie Pie off. No remorse. Completely intent on murder. Okay, I'm calling Torph out on this one. Couldn't she have made it as simple as "Incapacitate her long enough to hand her over to Celestia"? Wouldn't this make her as bad as Pinkie Pie? But nooooo, we can't think about that, because this is Crazy Twi! And what's worse, first Pinkie goes along with being killed, and that would be okay, considering "it's Pinkie Pie" but then a few scenes later, Pinkie is then truly terrified
Okay, so after proving that Pinkie Pie is immortal, we have a battle between the Mane five and Crazy Twi.
Okay. . .clever. . .I guess. . .
So, after they hog tie her, Twilight sees that Scootaloo is still alive, and that she was wrong about everything. And then, her friends all basically say "You're insane, let's take you to an insane asylum." Wow. . .
Also, Celestia shows up to safe the day. . . oh wait, by the time she arrives Twilight's already tied up. Now, Torph could have made a scene where Celestia attacks them to "save" Twilight, until they get a word in edge wise to explain what happened. You'd think Celestia would already know, considering, ya know, Lesson Zero!
After Celestia hears the truth, we get two little obvious lessons, which don't really have any bearing seeing how coconut headed this story was, and then we get to see Twilight in a straight jacket behind a glass wall in a hospital. Yes, we really have sunk that low. Seriously, this story basically says that if you give Twilight a murder mystery, she'll wind up in a mental hospital. And you know what? We also get Pinkie Pie announcing that she's been brain damaged, and no, not Portal 2 brain damaged, this is legitimate brain damage apparently. And wait, there's more! We also get to see an apparent return of Flutterbitch! Really? Don't you have any originality. This story was not original! It was just "Lesson Zero" rated R! We do not want to see My Little Pony episodes rated R! If you want to write grimdark fan-fiction, at least make it something original, something different, something that we have never seen in the show!
There was no reason for anything in this Fanfic! A scary book is not going to uninstall the Magic of Friendship, something Twilight has been studying for months, from her brain. It's not in Twilight's character to sink to the lows of those she's fighting against. Celestia is not stupid, blind, or over dramatic. Pinkie Pie didn't seem right. And Flutterbitch takes a lot more than the reason given to come out. For goodness sake, there was nothing keeping Fluttershy from being at the mental hospital! What, was there a "no Fluttershy" allowed sign? Man, this has too many plot holes! It was unpleasant and was just terrible! You can't just play the Crazy Twi card! Twilight went crazy in Lesson Zero because she had an actual problem, she needed a letter for Celestia. Twilight had no problem, other than being afraid of book, for goodness sake! This was not enough to make her crazy!
But, as I said, it was written well and was of good length. A length well written disaster! I give this story a C-! You could enjoy this if you enjoyed character acting ridiculously wrong and incorrect just to make the story exciting, dramatic, or darkly-comedic. But I don't see why anyone would really sacrifice their respect for the show to enjoy this Fanfic. Why don't you read a story where character act logically and act in character.
This is Matthais123 signing off!!!!