As I Fall Down the Rabbit Hole · 8:08am Nov 21st, 2017
As I fall down the rabbit hole, I can feel my inner darkness shredding up my inside. The hurt and sadness coming to the surface like a cork thrown into a pond. It's like the moment that I am actually confident in myself, believing that what I am doing makes an impact on the community, gets thrown back in my face. The moment where I am walking up a hill and I see a puddle and step in it and I sink down into the water that is as deep as the ocean. I don't get very many moments to feel like I mean something. I am just another person in this crowd we call Earth. Nothing is special about me. I have things I like. I draw. I sing. None of these "talents" make me special. None of these "talents" make me stand out from the rest. I am just another girl in this world that draws, that plays video games, that sings. What makes me different from all of them? What makes me stand out? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. My art is average. My singing is average. My gaming is average. What the heck makes me any different. I am not Picasso. I am not Adele. I am not an awesome gamer streamer. I am an average girl who works at Arby's. I am an average girl who makes art with her free time. I am an average girl who sings in the shower. What makes me feel special? My accomplishments. Now, they even seem small. Insignificant. We are all small insignificant specks in this wide universe. No, this does not mean I am shutting down this page. No, this does not mean I am killing myself. It is a reflection. It is for me in the future. I hope that when you come back and read this again you will realize the sad times made you a better person. For all of you out there even reading this stupid blog, I hope you guys will someday do the same.
You are alive, you have someone in your life who loves you, and you live in a place where you are treated as a real human being. That isn't something that can be said for everyone.
I don't recollect on times of disparity, or moments of weakness. Because the things that keep you up at night are some of the things that make you human. Everyone has the power to change the world in their own way, the problem is that many people aren't willing to believe it. Strength is more than just the willpower to keep going, it's the attitude and mindset that, through hell or high water, you are going to make the world a better place.
I'm sorry if you're in a bad place right now. But you just have to remind yourself that life is a gift you can't take for granted.