Too much innuendo? · 3:20am Oct 11th, 2017
Hi guys! I've been working on a total overhaul of Looking for Trouble: A Postapocalyptic Cowboy Noir, which definitely wasn't the biggest hit in the history of ponyfic. Looking back on it though, I see definite reasons why it flew past people without resonating. Feedback from MisterNick and Dubs Rewatcher has also been helpful at pointing things out I didn't catch the first time around, such as a lack of a real payoff in its ending.
"Why bother going back to an old story?" you might ask. In general, I've tended to take lessons from past stories and move on without going back and spending lots of time polishing them after release. But in this case, I feel like what I wrote was bogged down pretty badly by the sleep apnea and resulting cognitive impact that I've come to realize I've been struggling with this year. 
I can feel how bad it was now that I've been on my CPAP machine for about 2 weeks. What I'd thought was anxiety... kinda was? But now that I'm able to sleep and actually get oxygen to my brain again again, I don't feel that nearly as much. Instead, I feel drawn back to this one. I want to make it what it could've been.
But. But but but but--
BUT
I feel like more than just the story needs to be tweaked if I want this thing to have a chance. I've broken it up into chapters, and expanded it to support that, which will let me re-release it a little more slowly over multiple days, which might give it a little more of a boost. The other thing, though, is that I'm thinking of changing the title. Problem is, the idea has my innuendo-sense tingling, and experience suggests it's worth asking about that before I stick my foot in my mouth (or anywhere else for that matter).
The idea is Trouble Comes by Sunset. Yes, I see the facehoof coming a mile away. But the expanded version makes it almost as much Sunset's story as Troubleshoes' story, and it wouldn't hurt to make that clear. Plus, I suspect the old title may have disinclined people to take it seriously. Plus, if it's a bit attention-grabbing, that's not the worst thing.
So I dunno, what do you guys think? I'm open to alternatives as well...
Just keep the Sex tag off the story and you'll be fine. For the most part. People will bring in their own expectations, but ast least you'll make it clear to the cleaner-minded folk who actually read tags and/or story descriptions.
4694452
Much obliged.
Well, it's not immediately apparent. As long as the tags are right, shouldn't be a problem. If you have to change it: Trouble Arrives by Sunset.
4694976
Good to know. I'm also considering Trouble Comes At Sunset, and other variations of By/At/Before/whatever. Glad it shouldn't be a huge issue.
Your title works. I mean it's a play off of the names and all. Honestly the first idea I had was a joke one which was Cowboy Klutz and the Crack of Night. Any alternative I'd suggest though would have to feel organic or right to you. Anyway possible alternatives for the heck of it:
Trouble Comes to Town
The Vanished Compass
Out of the Past
In the Dust
4695417
Nick, thank you for this, and for your feedback on the draft. I like some of those suggestions a lot. Maybe you and 4694452 and 4694976, what all might you make of this little thing I threw together?
camo.derpicdn.net/e134fbc10ee975169f2bf4f3a3a180e943ef71f3?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdrive.google.com%2Fuc%3Fexport%3Dview%26id%3D0B_c41uxBXCYAUTFHampHQmhObnc
4695493
Wonderfully atmospheric. Makes the tone you're going for very clear.
4695523
Revamping of the story-space has begun... 
Thank you kindly!
4695987
I'm confused, isn't Troubleshoes the main/pov character? I'd recommend putting something together 9 Gates style, him striding into the castle with blinding light pouring out, though maybe I forget how the story went, I thought she was only there for a little bit at the end... oh but you said you're changing it...
4695493
It's a good idea compositionally. The darkened figure in the foreground and all. If possible (and I don't know how possible it would be) Troubleshoes would be the better choice of character because his perspective does make up the majority of the story. That said though one could argue that Sunset Shimmer might be a better draw because she is a more popular character.
If it were possible you could put one together where Sunset is in the background watching Troubleshoes or something... Maybe even something innocuous could work like the pocket watch with the compass rose on it. You could even do one like one of those old comics where it's like you have the prized item center and the heads of the main characters reacting differently to it.
Honestly, it all depends on what's going to work for you based upon what you can pull together and how much time you really want to spend on representational art.
4697420
Your suggestions echo a few specific compositional things that I also tried playing around with myself, and that 4696067 has suggested through side chats.
Good feedback.
I'm not very artistic so it helps me to goof around with pieces I can find until I start to form a vision. One of the limiting factors here is that there just isn't much art of EqG Troubleshoes to choose from and experiment with. And the Sunset thing was much more emergent than intentional; beneath the clipping plane there are actually still images of Troubleshoes and Derpy (and a big revolver) hidden away in the SVG file. I just kept messing with stuff until this kinda fell into place.
With that said, Moose offered to draw something, possibly. And I agree that it'd make more sense to get Troubleshoes in there somewhere. I do rather like the Sunset picture, though--almost to the point where I'm afraid to mess with it.
Perhaps the Middle Way would be to inject "Trouble" back into the title somewhere...
4697456
For me that particular piece would actually be worth saving at the very least because I could see you doing some other western post apocalyptic type stories and after all running a town in a bleak future does have it's stresses and a variety of challenges. Decent cover art can be a pain to come by.
One thing I thought of early on was use a profile picture (if you could find it) of Troubleshoes in a similar pose where he was looking down at something in his hand... something shiny. The background then would be a landscape of sorts except you're using Sunset's hair for the sky at dusk and her jacketed torso from a side view as the rolling landscape one could say it's like the crater. The jacketed landscape might not be pure black so you could play around with the values some maybe you take where the collar would be and have it sticking up kind of like the outline of the house. I don't know if that makes any sense.
4698114
4696067
4695523
How about if I keep the basic cover design, but then switch the title back to just "Looking For Trouble?" And I could put his cutie mark in semitransparency over the sun. Like so:
drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=0B_c41uxBXCYARFBlOVlJWlpTQ1k
4698812
I take it the story won't be from Troubleshoes's perspective any more? After all, in the previous version, he was doing the looking.
4698812
It doesn't fit the story. Actually I know who would. Sonny Landham in 48 Hours visually looks like what Troubleshoes would look like. He's got the serious face, big build, wears a cowboy hat, jean jacket etc.
At about the 37-38 second mark you have a real good image. Keep in mind that even by his own words Troubleshoes LOOKS like he could do a lot of damage but in reality isn't that sort of guy. If you can pull from Landham you might just have the image you're looking for.
4698945
Except isn’t this is the scene where Sonny kills all the correctional officers so the other guys can escape?
4699387
No! No. No. It's the scene where he gets into the "fight" with James Remar and they fall into the water. THEN they shoot the guards and make their escape. Totally different!
4699587
Still not appropriate for a “gentle giant cowboy” analogy.
4699771
I dunno... I mean if you watch that scene... NOT ONCE does just one of them shoot a guard alone. In fact dare I say they their shots get closer together each time. They work as a team! If that's not what MLP: Friendship is Magic is about I don't know what is!
What I'm looking at more are the physical aesthetics than anything. Landham in this scene was a big guy that was tan who had a serious face, maybe not quite as hang dog but even so they have similar outfits. Besides, other folks often mistake Troubleshoes (at least in story) for being a tough guy little do they know he's a big softy and a bit clumsy until after they've hired him on.
4699771
4700069
#80sJerkCopLivesMatter
A'ight guys, here's your sh
y cover art attempt of the day: 
drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=0B_c41uxBXCYAWU1Jd2FfRjNmTzQ
(A source / another source)
4700179
Where'd you get that pic, because I'd be happy to fix that thing there up fer ya.
4700222
Ooo! Here, I just updated the thing in-place to take off the lettering!
EDIT: Or not.
Try this:
drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=0B_c41uxBXCYAWU1Jd2FfRjNmTzQ
EDIT-EDIT: WHY GOOGLE. STOP JACKING WITH ME.
drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=0B_c41uxBXCYAdGlubG5ZaUNJOHc
4700291
Okay, went with something strong and classic, a little similar to what you already had.
i.imgur.com/bO7jp8T.png
4700389
Ohh, now that is luvverly. That's def the one.
4700473
Glad you liked it! You had the right idea (I'm just obsessed with covers that look like BOOK covers).
4700291
4700389
The gun silhouette should be replaced by a banana.
4700786
I vote no.
4700858
I dunno... if Trouble Shoes ever did try to draw his firearm, drawing a banana instead would be one of the safer outcomes.
4701002
The worst part is you're probably right.
4700786
4701027
*cough*
drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=0B_c41uxBXCYAN3RkWnM5VmljdDg
4701054
I TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR THIS!
4701054
4701068
My favorite part is how the gun is coming out of Sunset’s EYE.
The cowboy silhouette is a good idea. I would argue that if you can somehow add some light on the building in the background it'll make him less blocky. I like Novel's choice of text font too.
4701225
No, that's a Minion!
4703303
Oh.
I blame that it’s in shadow.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. You double underlined “Minion.”
I still think him with a banana has merit.
4703222
When all's said and done, I greatly appreciate not only your help with the revamp, but also your suggestion of alternative visuals for Troubleshoes. I'm happy with how it all turned out in the end. Definitely happier than I was with the original version. Thank you!