More Neural Networks

So, the current neural network post is creating D&D spells. This network acquired an unfortunate predilection for bears and people named Dave ("Chorus of the Dave", "Charm of the Dave", "Hail to the Dave"...), but I mention it here mostly because it also managed to come up with a surprising number of 'em that would work well in the hands of Equestrian mages:

• Grasping Mane - the key capillurgical cantrip
• Date Wards - okay, so maybe I've just read too many fics with over-helpful friends
• Divine Boom - do I even need to expand on this one?
• Crusading Disk - ...I don't know how they're crusading with it, but...
• Summon Ass - yes, obviously it's a donkey-summoning spell, what did you think I meant?
• Call to the Daring - although she'll just remind you that she works alone
• War Cape - a lady is well dressed under all circumstances, darling
• Death of the Sun - no. just no.
• Conjure Mare - hopefully not the same one every time
• Darkworm Colt - eep

And from the extended list:

• Divine Colt - alicorn-only, or merely a good date summoner?
• Mod Storm - part of every pegasus's repertoire
• Stare - well, obviously
• Dragon of Vigor - good morning, sleepy assistant!
• Summon Storm of the Sun - you won't like her when she's angry
• Crusading Cloud - Scootaloo? That you?
• Grasp of the Sun - followed by Moving of the Sun a Little to the Left
• Rain of War - basically a hurricane commanded by a Hurricane; and
• Symphony of the Dark Fritter - call not to the chthonic pomonian deities, lest they answer "Eeyup".

Comments

[FanOfMostEverything]

I'll say that crusading disk is similar to Tenser's floating disk. It's basically an all-terrain version of the wagon. Combine it with a crusading cloud and Scootaloo can haul you anywhere.

Meanwhile, fall of the wild was definitely used a lot back in the days when ponies were still asserting control over Equestria's ecosystems. Primal rear is probably one of the spells Starlight developed as she worked towards her cutie mark removal spell, an atavistic transmutation that regresses the target's hindquarters to a point before ponies evolved cutie marks.

[World Theory]

I needed this.

And now I'm tempted to imagine Milo Amastacia-Liadon, from Harry Potter and the Natural 20, with access to some of the wackier spells.

Claming Blow - An strike of force that hits in the midsection, and causes a person to fold in half, like their trying to touch their toes. Then the person stays that way, like an elastic force is keeping them like that.
Mordenkainen’s lucubrabibiboricic angion - No one knows what it does. No one has been reported trying it. There are all sorts of rumors, though.
Song of the Unworthy - I a spell to inspire humbleness and servitude?
Dance of Sack - A spell to gather loot.
Wall of Distraction - Look! A distraction! Wait, no. That a whole wall completely covered in distractions of all varieties. Could be nude magazines, optical illusions, ominously ticking clocks, ominously ticking alarm clocks with attached bundles of red cylinders, mirrors of erised, air raid sirens, sacks of precious things like gold or jewels, and maybe some impressive glowing weapons of ancient might. The wall is probably partly equipped with shelves…
Song of blord - Probably just gives people nausea and bloating. Or the nausea and bloating is just a side effect of something … other.
Curse Clam - Great for assassinations where they only test the food for poisons. Or staging an ambush on the mud flats.
Conjure Bark - An oddball spell, with two major outcomes, depending on the intention of the caster. Can conjure a barking sound, or a bark of a plant. The major outcomes can further branch into less extreme variations, depending on intent. Birch bark may be conjured, or bark of any plant. Likewise, any sound that can be described as a bark, whether it's from an animal or not, can be conjured.
Remorse? - An interrogation spell. Popular with religious crusaders and vigilantes.
Charm of the cods - Cats love you. Everyone else? …Not so much.
Find Strike - A divination spell to preemptively find attacks and ambushes.
Soul of the bill - Inflicts a feeling of financial doom on a target.

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