96 Hours For A New Life · 10:40pm Sep 11th, 2017
Hey, guys!
So, for those of you noticed, I was offline for the last week. This blog will explain why, including the good and the bad. Now, it'll be a bit lengthier, so for those of you with no interest, here's a nice picture of Rarity. If you are interested, continue below the break.
Okay, so the indisputable laws of writing and talent would suggest I bust out a poetic intro to everything that went down. However, I'm not a talented writer and I never cared for playing by the rules.
I killed myself. Or at least tried.
I woke up Wednesday morning, something fucked up my head, and I slit my wrists open. Nothing special. No posts on Facebook, long winded goodbyes or anything like that. I didn't want people to know. I just got up, looked at the grey world around me, grabbed a razor blade from the tool drawer in my kitchen and did it.
Blood running down my arms and hands I realized I was being stupid. I was being selfish. I made a mistake. I tried to hold the wound closed, but to no avail. So, I do the next best thing. I call up a good friend of mine, wrap up the would as best as I could and meet up with her. She takes me to the ER and I find myself being taken back to one of the many rooms to get treatment.
Now, lying around in hospitals is boring as all hell, so let's skip to the good part.
7 hours later...
I'm tied up on a stretcher and taken inside an ambulance. Next thing you know, I'm having an encouraging conversation with an EMT as he lets me know I'm going to a lovely place called Vantage Point. My injuries were taken care of, but I was still in need of some mental help as it would seem. So, 40 minutes of driving later, I find myself getting checked into this Inpatient Facility, and that's where I would stay the next 5 days.
For those of you who don't know, an Inpatient Facility is a rehab center for people with problems that need constant monitoring. Since I was suicidal, I was considered high risk and needed to be under constant surveillance.
Upon arrival, I was forced to get naked to make sure I wasn't hiding any weapons or drugs on me, standard procedure, but humiliating nonetheless. I get shown to my room immediately after. It's a modest arrangement, a bed, bookshelf and a shower with a toilet. However, I came to realize I'd have a roommate, which I wasn't thrilled with, but I'd worry about that later. It was 9 at night by this point, and I wanted to sleep.
(NOTE: i could go on for thousands of words telling you all the awesome stories of what happened there, but I'll keep it brief. If you wanna know anything specific, feel free to drop me a PM.)
So, the days go by, and I get some new medication and things start getting better. Throughout my stay, I started becoming a leader of sorts amongst the patients. There were 20 of us, and I was far and away the most charismatic. It got to the point that by the fourth day, I was handed the reigns by the nursing staff to start leading the group activities and keeping track of everyone's schedules.
So, why is all this even relevant?
Because this place gave me a new perspective on life. Here are just a few of the things I saw while I was in there:
1. A boy named Tristain, a couple years younger than me, checked himself in to get off drugs. When it was time for his parents to come get him, they never showed, blocked the number of the facility and he was stuck there... homeless.
2. A man named Robert, just two years older than me, was there to get past an alcohol problem. He couldn't even walk, the withdrawal was so strong. I brought him coffee every morning to try and cheer him up. It worked because on my final day, he actually had a nurse help carry him to the coffee machine and he made me a cup of coffee. I'm literally crying thinking about it.
3. Another man, Christian, was a very serious patient. He had to have constant help, couldn't remember anything and could barely talk due to all the voices in his head. In one of the groups I led, he was able to speak and we found out that he was once the valedictorian of his school district and had 4 advanced college degrees in mathematics and psychology. I taught him how to play basketball in the gym for a day, how to shoot at least, and he cried from how happy he was when he made his first basket. But what's more, four hours later, he came up to me and said "Thanks for helping me earlier with the basketball." ...He remembered me.
4. An older lady named Susan was there because she had no home and no family after her husband died. Yet, she spent most of the time cheering others up as opposed to thinking of herself.
Guys, no matter how bad things get, other people have it worse. No matter how rough it is, you can always find positivity.
When I was checked into Vantage Point, I would've preferred death as opposed to staying there. But these past few days taught me something new. Showed me a reason to see the beauty in the world again. Something I never want to forget about.
When it was my time to leave, I tried to sneak out, to avoid the goodbye hugs and just to let people continue with their treatment. It was a group at that time, so I figured it'd be easy to get away. However, one of the patients came out and saw me with my bags. They ran back in and before I knew it, all twenty of the others got in a line to hug me goodbye, with a few of them even clapping and crying, telling me they'd miss me.
Sometimes, you have to be at rock bottom to see the most beautiful parts of the world.
I'm still alive guys and I love my life. I'm still a work in progress, but who isn't?
-Famous
I wish you a speddy recovery, get well soon! Suicide is never a option you should take. NIce picture of Rarity, have seen it on youtube before.
Well best of luck.
I am very glad you were able to find something positive in life again ;3
I hope you continue to see the positive, and that you and all of those you met get better ;3
Good to hear you're doing better, dude. Always around if ya wanna chat.
Oh god... So glad to hear you're doing better man. Hugs
Damn it Famous!!
Don't scare me like that before I want to go to bed!!
I don't want to hold anything against you and I'm more than happy that you realized your mistake before it was to late.
And speaking of your experience in that building: When I worked together with disabled but happy people, something happened to me. It's feels good to now know the other side of the medal.
I really hope that you won't try on planning something like this in the future.
If you want to talk, feel free to PM me.
Cheers!
Man. It would have sucked if you died.
I’m glad you didn’t, dude.
Glad you're still with us my man
...while I feel like its not much considering all they every will be is just words, I want you to know I understand and I'm glad you're okay. I might not now you, but you seem like an awesome person
Good for you brother! And don't worry about that suicide stuff, we all try to off ourselves at least once.
I remember a bit after both of my parents died I was sitting on the edge of a bridge just numb. What stopped me was a group text from my sis talking about all that emotional bullcrap to lift everyone's spirits. It made me remember about the times I volunteered in school, so I got off the bridge and signed up for trash collections, i volunteered at some church for a few days, i paid my acquaintances bills if they were short, no matter how small I just tried to make people smile. At first I was still numb but over time with every smile i got in return for my help, i found myself smiling. It honestly saved me.
Personally, I wholeheartedly believe in living for others. My friends and family call me a 'pushover' or a 'yes man' and even sometimes a coward, but when someone smiles at me for something I've done, i just feel so happy!
And don't worry, if that's not your cup of tea then it's not your cup of tea. We're all different meat bags. Something else will help you out! Just know that your bros here are always here to listen! We may not be able to be there for you physically, but our ears are always open! Chatter them off brother!
I hope you feel better and if you ever want to talk I'm here :)
Damn. I wish you all the best moving forward.
Don't leave our group.
So glad you're still around. Hope your recovery goes well!
There's an expression oft repeated in this day and age, but holds special meaning in this case: YOLO. It's best to make good use of the time you're given, because nobody knows for sure what comes afterwards.
That said, your experience at Vantage Point actually reminded me of one of my favorite ongoing fics: Happiness Is What You Make Of It. I get the feeling it'll speak to you.
I'm not crying, YOU'RE CRYING!
Fuck, man. I'm seriously glad you're okay. Seriously, seriously glad you're okay.
I actually worked at a facility like the one you went to, basically, only for young adults. Their struggles and the things they had to deal with really put my own life and the fortunate parts of it into perspective. I'm glad you got a bit of the experience that I had, even if it was from the side that I'd never wish on anybody.
Please, please be well.
Can't say much, only that I'm happy that you're still with us. Peace.
4665655
That story's summary leaves me full of unease! It's strange seeing somebody put my thought process down into words! I guess us people arnt so different after all!
Everybody's situation is different, but we can all understand each other the same. Especially in times of trial, you would be surprised with who actually cares and those who know your pain better than you. I'm not saying it lessens it anymore. And I'm not saying that you won't still feel the same. But never give up.
Godspeed, Famous. Don't let the demons drag you down. Think tall, think proud, and don't hesitate to ask your friends for anything.
And remember, "Once you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up!"
All the best,
Disco.
OMG.
I'll echo what many others have said, and say that I'm so so so glad that you're okay, and that you were able to get help. I'm not sure I've fully processed losing Loyal so suddenly. Losing another colleague here would be, well, I'm not even sure. :(
But, you're still here, and that's the important thing. And major kudos to you for helping out so many others, even when you yourself needed to rest and heal. Rarity and Fluttershy would be damn proud of you.
Sending good thoughts your way, good sir. Be well!
-GMP
Wow, I don't know what to say, another than I'm glad you're getting the help you need. Maybe you can volunteer there to help out. Please talk to someone when you need help, instead of taking it on your own.
(Hugs tightly)
Sometimes you need to toe the line in order to realize that you don't actually want to cross it.
So sorry to hear about what happened. If you need a friend, I'll always be happy to help.
Hey man, next time you feel this way, just send me a PM. I may not be at my computer all the time, but I do have my phone on me at work and so forth.
Take it from someone who thought of suicide years ago and still does at times. I just also remember that there are people who will miss me and I need to stay strong for them.
For my mother due to my dad dying back in 01. For Krystal cause if I die, she'll want to follow me. For my friends and family that still care and want me to succeed in life.
You have others who care about you. Everyone shows it differently.
Wow, that was a shock dude! Out of all the writers, I've followed on here you've seemed the most upbeat! Just goes to show that we've all got our demons and issues. Glad you had a change in perspective, it really makes a difference!
Good luck.
Dude, you scared me. Suicide is a terrible thing, there are always things worth living for.
I... I just don't know what to say, man. I was literally there with you just two days before that. I never would have guessed what was gonna happen. Everything seemed fine. We had a blast last weekend.
Just... God I'm glad you're okay. I teared up reading this, and I only wish I'd known so I could have done something. Take it easy, brother.
When I clicked 'read more,' this was not what I expected. This came out of nowhere. I'm glad you're okay, and nice job leading.
For whatever it's worth, I am sincerely glad you're alive. I hope this new perspective sticks, and I'm glad you've gained a new outlook about things.
You are cared about. Please, try not to go anywhere anytime soon.
I... I can't believe I'm just hearing about this. I'm here for you, famous. Please know people love you and care about you. Things suck and there may be parts of yourself you don't like, but things get better. I hope the new meds help. If you ever need someone to talk to, you literally have my phone number. heh.
I'm so sorry and yet kind of happy to hear about this! I've been going through some crap myself, nothing this bad, mostly teen drama. But I did cut myself recently and contemplated suicide over an incident that recently occurred. Heck, I even chugged some sleeping medicine just so I could sleep instead of think. I've even been falling a bit behind in school cause I can't bring myself enough energy to do anything. But I'm sure I'll get by.
In regards to your situation though. I'm sorry because no person should ever have to feel so low to the point where they just don't wanna live anymore. And I'm also sorry for all those poor individuals in that hospital. They deserve so much better, and yet they're stuck in a constant hell hole. Most of it being what they're struggling with internally. And I'm sorry that so many of us, including myself, whine and complain about our problems, when we're not nearly as bad off as some. Who have the courage to keep smiling and most of all, keep living.
I am happy, though, that you learned from this horrible experience. I'm happy that you helped others as well. I'm happy you benefited yourself, and other people at the same time. You didn't just sit there and sulk. You took the time to try helping and comforting others, who were suffering through so much more. And most of all, I'm sure you left that place being a much better person than when you walked in.
I hope that you forever hold onto this experience, and that whenever you face something like it, or worse, you'll be able to look back at the time you managed to survive. Stay strong, my friend.
I really don't have any of the words needed for this. All I can really say and know that it's right to say is that I'm glad you're not dead.
Your outlook is an inspiration. Get well soon, dude. You're far too good a person that nobody needs to lose.
Bro, I don't know how much I can possibly do, but I'm glad you're alive and you have found light in your life again and know that I am here for you.
Damn dude, that's a heavy story... but i'm glad you didn't go through with it and you had a soul searching experience that followed.
If you ever want to get anything off your chest or want to talk bro to bro, you have my skype, i always reply first chance i get.
I'm glad you pulled yourself out of it. And I'm even more glad you're taking this all as seriously as it should be taken. A life is a terrible thing to waste. I'd admonish you for keeping this all to yourself, but... it's what I would have done. I'm too proud for that.
So good on you for swallowing yours and getting the help you needed and coming to tell us.