So... question? Would you guys and gals want to read one of my original stories? · 7:25am Aug 28th, 2017
I fully intend to finish Samudra's Journal, but I'm transitioning from fanfiction writing to original novelling and job searching (cause I cannot live with parents forever). I also need to finish that Griffin War thing and post a bunch of supplementary histories into the "Princess Celestia the Changeling Queen: Behind the scenes" story so stay tuned for that. That does mean I'm unlikely to do the Slice of Life thing that I wanted to do for Alternia moving forward after ECQ&tAE, but I might do a story about Alternia's children and the whole business with Tethys as a final wrapup. Just to let everybody know the ending is happy (well, generally. Of course there are consequences :P)
Thing is, original novelling is HARD and it isn't like I can just give it to random people to feedback. I do have the first chapter (and some) of this original novel ready though, and I'm thinking of first drafting it through fictionpress to see if the damn concept actually makes a lick of sense. Plus it's been so long since I've written original fiction, I'm not sure if I figured out my expositions and shutup and do dialogues are in the right place.
And the question I want to pose to my readers is... if I do publish an original novel on fictionpress, would you want to check it out?
Here's the blurb:
The Bloody Crown
When vampires murder her best friend, the Queen, along with countless others, the cripple, Baroness Forowena, is crowned the new queen of the human kingdom of Tharos due to a distant, forgotten relation. With the murderers loose, few allies in the court, and a possible conspiracy involving the nearby vampire kingdoms, Forowena must make allies, and learn to rule. Or die.
Edit: Apparently the blurb I had previously was awful, so I rewrote it based on Fictionpress.com word count (which is bloody short)
I find that blurb to be very bland. First of all, what can I expect from your story? I don't have an idea after reading that. Is it going to be politics and diplomacy? Plots and poison? Adventure? War?
All I've got to go on is the vampires attacked and really to me that looks like a pretext for war. Yet, she'll be dealing with an unseen threat and jealous rivals. This unseen threat could also mean crime drama is going to be brought in. You've left it very open as to what the story could be. You need to give clear indication as to what you're going to do with this, at least in the beginning of the story.
Secondly some kind of indication as the the character of the protagonist would be lovely. What kind of person will I be spending my hours with?
Your blurb could use some work. As to whether I'd be interested in the story. I might give it a peek, but only because I know your work. I would not read it based solely on that blurb. And as to whether I think the story has promise. I can't comment because I don't actually know anything beyond a few names and the knowledge that there's a succession either in the opening or just before it.
4650400 Oh I love those tips. Problem, I wrote the blurb constrained by fictionpress summary word count. I WANT to write more, but I'm not exactly sure how to cram everything you're suggesting into that character/word count.
I wouldn't, but really only on the basis that the premise sounds kind of hokey and you wrote the description in terms that are all so vague and sweeping, they don't actually say anything about the story that's immediately interesting enough to grab my attention, not because it's an original setting.
4650419 Freaking fictionpress short limit required me to try to cover as much as I can in as little words as possible... and thus I ended up covering nothing at all. :P
4650421
It's a pretty common failing of back jacket blurbs in general: they're trying to sum up everything about the story except the parts you'd actually be reading it for, which is certainly not the fantasy geopolitics of border friction and vague intimations of generalized adventuring happening in the background somewhere. You read it for the people in the story, how they relate to each other and what they're to achieve for themselves. It's like trying to sell someone on a theater play by talking about the details of the stage scenery.
4650434 How's the new one and this longer version? https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/757577/so-question-would-you-guys-and-gals-want-to-read-one-of-my-original-stories-rewritten-long-blurb
4650400
how's the new longer blurb?https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/757577/so-question-would-you-guys-and-gals-want-to-read-one-of-my-original-stories-rewritten-long-blurb
4650440
A whole lot better, because now I actually know what happens in the story and who it happens to, instead of just where it happens.
Still not too jazzed about it, but now it's just because the protagonist sounds unlikable and the set sounds a bit too much like the premise to an "odd couple" sitcom. "She's an edgy teenage aristocrat with a chip on her shoulder! He's an unliving corpse animated as an unholy abomination! Together, they fight crime!" It sounds like it's going to be a type of story that I personally just don't really enjoy reading, but hey, it'll at least also sound a lot more interesting now to people who do.
4650454 grrrrrrr (at myself) you have a point there... goddamnit this will need a lot more drafting... after I finish more chapters.
4650456
I'd call it a net benefit. Instead of universally sounding boring to everyone, it's now just specifically unappealing to some people... which is pretty much unavoidable and as such really about as good as it ever gets.
You've done very well with the short rewritten blurb. Sound pretty dramatic and interesting. Your longer version... it's not what I find appealing.
Well that's not really a blurb, it's a preface. Sorry I'm particular.
Easiest thing I can use to demonstrate is the inside of warhammer 40k books.
That's what you stick on the inside of the cover to introduce someone to some of the basic knowledge about the world. After your blurb has hooked them. A blurb is short. You need to be able to squeeze it into a hundred words. God knows that is not easy.
And like wlam said it does sound like that. At key points of what you're saying in the blurb/preface. It feels like she's saying she's bitter and jealous. And she's from some old, impoverished family. But it doesn't actually sound like she's bitter and jealous. I mean she accepts her house is old and poor. It'd sound more like that sort of person if she was saying her name was worth just as much as their money. (Obviously in a more polite and noble manner
)
And that last line. Please let us never speak of it again.
4650528 well that helps a lot. Unfortunately..... it seems people really don't like vampires. goddamnit twilight. You ruined it for everybody.
4650543
That it did.
Advice:
Wait until people stop commenting under things saying "Still a better love story than Twilight". Then you might be safe to go ahead with it.
Though seriously you should write it, edit it and show it to people. See what they liked and build upon it.
4650566 Dat is the plan. :D
Well yeah, probably. There's liking things for the type of story it is and liking things because of the way the author does things. I like you as an author, so I would read your work.