REVIEW: Guarded Emotions

Next up, "Guarded Emotions" by Alabenson. https://www.fimfiction.net/story/323465/guarded-emotions

Considering each chapter is rather long, I decided to read two chapters of this story to get a good feel for it.

Now, the idea of Twilight having a bodyguard makes me chuckle a bit.  The reason being, the show doesn't exactly paint the guards in the best of light. We've had attacks from Nightmare Moon, Discord, Chrysalis, Sombra, Tirek and Starlight Glimmer. None of which the guards caused any real help with. So this is kind of like a running joke. Anyway, this is just idle prattle, I've stalled long enough.

This story has a rather unique idea and does a pretty good job in doing it too. One thing I should point out at the beginning is that the characterization of each one of the mane six is...well, in one word...flawless.  I can really see these characters acting and thinking as they do. It's one of the best portrayals I've seen. Also, seeing Moonwhisper slowly open up is done really well, as you can see the effects the others are having on him.

Now the flow of the story is pretty good, it's not in a hurry to get on with the plot, but is a little on the slow side. This isn't a problem in and of itself, but I'll get to that a little later.

The descriptions are quite impressive, not only for the scenes, but for the characters as well. This helps bring the story to life. But at times, this story can go overboard in describing things. While good descriptions can bring a story to life, they can also bog it down if there is too much. Too much of anything is bad really.

With the slightly slow story flow (Try saying that five times fast) combined with occasionally going overboard on descriptions, it makes a noticeable problem. At times, the story may feel dry.  But still, so far the positives do outweigh the negatives in the first chapter. Then I turned to the second chapter. This not only had the positives and negatives of the first chapter, but a few other slights as well. 

It gets repetitive. Most of chapter two follows this pattern:

*Twilight plays chess with Moonwhisper and gets him to open up a bit.
*Applejack has an encounter with Moonwhisper
*Pinkie comes by near the end of the scene, spying on Moonwhisper

*Twilight plays chess with Moonwhisper and gets him to open up a bit.
*Rainbow Dash has an encounter with Moonwhisper
*Pinkie comes by near the end of the scene, spying on Moonwhisper

*Twilight plays chess with Moonwhisper and gets him to open up a bit.
*Rarity has an encounter with Moonwhisper
*Pinkie comes by near the end of the scene, spying on Moonwhisper

*Twilight plays chess with Moonwhisper and gets him to open up a bit.
*Fluttershy has an encounter with Moonwhisper
*Pinkie comes by near the end of the scene, spying on Moonwhisper

You see where this starts to become a problem? 

Near the end of chapter two, we receive a battle with a wyvern. Finally! Something to shake all of this up. But I feel the battle scene could have been handled better.

For one, it's all narration, large chunks of it at that. It would have been better to get someone's perspective during the battle, ideally Moonwhisper.

Having a battle like this mostly being related to us via narration gives sort of a detached feel. Especially since the story went out of its way to switch its character perspective multiple times.

It's also very much stretching my suspension of disbelief. Now, this guy is one of the best guards in Equestria, so I've no problem believing he can take on several timberwolves and only receive light injuries. But you'd be extremely hard pressed to get me to believe he could single-handedly slay a wyvern. 

All in all, from what I've read, this story still seems worth a read. I'm a rather surprised that it doesn't have more fans to be honest.  It's likely that the problems of being a little dry and repeating itself caused readers to drop off early. Still a good story though.

Guarded Emotions: 78/100
 It's like digging for gold. Be patient and you'll find it.