Top Tips for Noobs · 2:36pm Aug 2nd, 2017
Hello again my lovelies!
Wow, two blog posts within a single month's time frame? I know, I'm really revvin' it up on this end, shit. Fortunately, this one is gonna be less ranty than the last one, or at least I hope so. This blog is going to be about some top tips for someone new to posting on this site.
Now, these aren't going to be tips for writing itself, per se. See kids, there's plenty of that online. Just Google "Writing Tips" and you'll probably be inundated by articles packed full of advice and information from people far more experienced and vastly more talented than yours truly. The only thing I can add that I don't see a lot in those guides is this: READ. Read the greats, not just fanfics. Some fanfics are okay, but the fanfic scene will never measure up to the quality you see in published works. Find a style you like, pick an author, and just chug through a few pages a night. Build up to devoting large swathes of time to reading. Trust me, absorbing that sort of style and wording will do more for you as a writer than you could ever know.
With that out of the way, on to the subject of this post: presentation. I don't see it touched on a lot, but how you present a story can be an even greater determining factor of its popularity than how you've written it. Just as an example, the author Anonymous Pegasus has said time and time again how the addition of a quick image as the cover for his most famous story, An Affliction of the Heart, is what catapulted that story to fame. Now, I'm not saying that's the only reason his story exploded, God no. Affliction of the Heart is well-written and contains two very well-defined characters with conflicts that feel fresh and new to the fandom. However, despite all that, the story languished in relative obscurity, never breaking the quadruple-digits for views until the addition of that lovely little cover.
There are plenty of examples where stories have exploded thanks to how they look on the cover. A good cover can compensate for a lot of things, which isn't always a good thing, but hey, whatever it takes. There are also plenty of examples of amateurs shooting themselves in the foot with really stupid mistakes and missteps. I'm here to point out some common mistakes you should avoid. So, without further ado...
1) MENTIONING "THIS IS MY FIRST STORY PLZ BE KIND" IN THE FIRST SENTENCE
We've also got the variation of this misstep: "My OC is dropped in..." etc, etc. Kids, I really don't give a damn about you. I want to make that expediently clear. You are a random person on the other side of the world, I couldn't care less about you or your Mary-Sue-esque OC that you have printed up in Pony Creator. All I care about is what you're presenting to me.
If I'm randomly surfing for something new to read, that means you have about two sentences of a story description to hook me and make me want to click that first chapter. If one of those sentences includes the word "my," you have just fucked up. Sayonara, arrivederci, so long, I'll never think about you again. I have never met you or heard of your OC, why would mentioning either of those things interest me in the slightest? Avoid the word "my" in your description, both long and short, as if it were the plague. Focus on crafting that hook instead, interest me, pique my curiosity to learn more. Take any of the stories in the Feature Box as an example, most of those know how to do this! Do whatever it takes to make me read the long description all the way through, and then click that first chapter title, that's where your focus should be. If you must, for some idiotic reason, include the word-that-must-not-be-named in your description, put it at the end, where potential readers might see it AFTER they're already hooked, but again I can't emphasize enough how much you should avoid that word. Only total idiots and absolute noobs would ever put something like that in their description...
Moving right along...
2) A DESCRIPTION THAT'S TOO WORDY
DO NOT give away too much in your description. If you give us a massive, long summary in the description, what purpose do we have for reading the rest of your story? You just told us everything we need to know! Keep your descriptions and summaries short and sweet, giving just enough information to let the reader know what to expect going in, while also leaving plenty for them to discover when they’re already inside. The only point of a long or short description is to get the reader to click that first chapter title, not to tell them everything they were going to learn anyway! Dangle a bit of information in front of them, a quick piece of the setup that hooks the reader and makes them want to learn more. Although if your setup is so complicated you need a pages-long explanation just for the reader to understand what the hell is going on in page one, that’s a different problem altogether that I’m not going to touch on here.
3) SPELLING/GRAMMAR MISTAKES IN THE TITLE OR DESCRIPTION
I cannot go into how many stories I’ve seen that have a grammar mistake or a misspelling in the damned title. Think about that: what kind of impression does that leave? I know for me, seeing that means you really don’t care about proper grammar or spelling. I mean, if you can’t even post three lousy sentences without screwing that up, what confidence can I have that your story will even be legible? How can I know that I’ll even be able to make heads or tails of what’s happening when I click that title if you can’t even be trusted to handle that?
Now, grammar in the story itself is important, but it’s ten times as important right there on the cover. A misplaced apostrophe or badly-used quotation mark can mean the difference between Fimfiction’s next hit in the Feature Box, and a puttering little tale that fades into obscurity from the moment it gets past the mods. If you can’t find an editor for your story, at least find someone who’ll look over the description and title and make sure they don’t give off the impression of an Elementary-schooler pounding at a keyboard with no regard to plot construction or proper characterization, because that’s the image that immediately pops into my head when I see shit like this.
I’ll say it again, kids: if I see any sort of mistake in the description, the only reason I’ll click on your story will be for morbid curiosity, to see how bad you are at this. Is that who you want reading your story? Someone who’ll latch onto every little mistake immediately, scouring the writing for it, and holding it up as an example for why you should be disliked into oblivion? No, it's not.
4) WEIRD NAMES
Tobis. Timidthy. Both examples of actual names I’ve seen for OC’s. Yikes, SO close to a normal human being’s name, yet so far! And I’ve heard the same justification for the stupid name over and over again: to make them stand out. To make them pop!
Wait, so you’re saying your character is so uninteresting on their own you had to butcher a normal name just to make them stand out? Because that’s the impression I’m getting when you say that, and that’s the impression that most people will get: that you’re a noob writer who is so desperate for something to differentiate their shitty OC from the crowd that they’re grasping at straws to make it happen.
A name shouldn’t make a character. It should be the other way around, dammit.
Now, I’m not saying that these are all bad OC’s, that every single writer who has done this to their characters should be ashamed of their little Mary Sue. They could be the best, most flushed-out characters I've ever seen in my life! But how would I know that if I never read past the description and instead click on to the next story on my list? That's the problem with the impression you’re giving: I’ve seen so many new writers throw an OC at me with some wretched misspelling of a name, and subsequently watched their stories sink into the abyss of unpopularity and dislike. It’s an uphill battle with these names, give them something a little believable, please.
5) INTRODUCING YOURSELF WITH A DARK/MATURE STORY
Folks, I’m sorry to say this, but darkness is something a proven writer should take on. Someone who’s made something of a name for themselves. If this is your first story, give us some levity, give us a comedy, give us Slice of Life or Adventure or Mystery, but please don’t give us another goddamned rapefic. Not just because they’re a cancer on this site (though they are, I can’t emphasize that enough), but also because a new writer trying to do something edgy and dark gives the impression of some kid sitting at his computer desk with no real concept of horror, trying too hard to crank out something edgy. It's a gang sign spray-painted on the side of a yoga studio in the middle of white suburbia; a white suburban middle-schooler who’s never gone hungry in their life with their pants down around their knees and too much gel in their hair, skateboaring along while wearing cheap costume jewelry that was paid for with mommy’s credit card.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t start with something that has a serious tone, I’m just saying maybe do something a little more T-rated. Introducing yourself with another poorly written rip-off of Rainbow Factory is a good way to set yourself up as yet another wannabe writer, trying to do dark and edgy without nearly the experience they need.
*coughs even more uncomfortably*
Edit: Okay, darkness is okay, but do avoid rape and clop and rip-offs set in the "Cupcakes" universe for a first time, okay? I'm really tired of still seeing "Cupcakes" rip-offs years later.
6) PUT IN AT LEAST 10,000 WORDS BEFORE YOU PUBLISH
Okay, this one doesn’t have much to do with presentation, but it’s still a problem. I’ve seen plenty of stories that were obviously meant to be multi-chaptered epics with maybe one or two chapters on them at a thousand words apiece, with no updates since 2014. Folks, I beg of you, before you post, make sure you actually have the time and commitment required to finish things off without giving us all literary blue balls. That’s why I say 10,000 words, though 15,000 is a better number. Put that much into a story, and it’s ALMOST a guarantee that you’ll actually be able to see this thing through.
Unless, of course, you’re okay with being inundated with dozens of requests from people that you finish your story if you actually manage to pique some interest. Me? I’m just tired of seeing creative ideas and megabytes of Fimfiction’s host servers go to waste, tossed away for no reason other than you decided to take a months-long break after posting a couple thousand words, then realized when you tried to come back that you had no idea where you were going or what you were doing and quietly fading into Internet obscurity.
15,000 is a good number, kids, and if you don’t have the patience to put that many down here and now, then who’s to say you EVER will? Who’s to say you won’t just be another one of those single-chapter epics that do nothing but sit there, wasting precious web-space that could be devoted to more Rainbow-Dash-on-Fluttershy-thongkini-porn? Take your time, do it right, don’t worry: Fimfiction has been here for years, and I’ll bet it’s going to be here for years more. And hey, when it’s over, you’ll have a nice buffer to post from while you come up with what happens next! Everybody wins!
Folks, these are just a few tips and tricks. The crafting of a story is infinitely more complicated than what I’ve alluded to here, but there are plenty of articles online that can tell you how to get going with that. I just wanted to point out some quick pitfalls I’ve seen plenty of young authors fall into, and can only hope it actually makes a difference. Just something to keep in mind :)
See ya in the next one!
Hmmm... "don't introduce yourself with dark/mature stories?"
damnit...
Hey! I take insult to that! But thanks for mentioning my Oc. Also what does the name matter? As long as it's a good character who the f
ck cares?
4621230
Naww man, you had those cute little one-shots beforehand
4621245
Trust me dude, it's all about presentation and impressions.
4621230
besides, I'm mostly talking about stupid slasher fics and rapefics and rip-offs of Cupcakes
4621318
Oh thanks! So I did good on my presentation and impressions? Cause to be honest I always thought you hated my stories just because of the name some people are like that.
4621351
Nooooo not anything like that!
4621366
Oh okay!
I like it.
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danke
Well. That was an interesting one. I do have to wonder about your sanity when you suggest some of your examples, but I suppose that's the point.
4865978
*laughs hysterically*