Retrospective on How far I've come · 4:26pm Apr 22nd, 2017
I did kind of do a reflection of sorts on the end of Chapter 29 of ECQ&tAE, but I think I'll do a more general one for my blog.
Well... my second long story on this site is completed. ECQ&tAE, done, finished, with perhaps one lazy slice of life for Alternia and the gang down the pipe.
The past two or three... not sure how long i've been writing ECQ&tAE but it's been long. There have been a number of changes, to my writing, which I hope has gotten better, my story construction and in general... my outlook.
I think I'm more jaded now. It's been especially that way with ECQ&tAE with the darker themes, which yes, were courtesy of my co-author Zervziel, but me learning more about how screwed up the world is in my 4th year of history BA and my MA now has changed my outlook in life. Not to mention real Life is coming on top of me like a barrel train and I'll always stick around for Pony b/c of it, but i'm not going to lie, I'm thinking about how I can use what I've built here and turn it into something that can sustain my livelihood. I'm tired of living off of loans from my parents.
I'm also tired. The feedback with ECQ&tAE in the middle chapters came... damn close to breaking me. It's not that I didn't want to accept negative crticism, but the same ones that I thought I had covered kept coming up again and again, things I got attacked for that I had justified to the best of my ability. I had moments where I would be afraid to look at the comments. Without Zervziel egging me on and egging my pride on, I would have quit.
In some ways though ECQ&tAE was good for me though, forcing me to accept negative feedback, it's represented a honing of my writing style to something I can be proud of. And now... well i have an idea for a novel I plan to work on. It has vampires in it (No, seriously, I got a good idea on how to approach this).
If and when I get it done and edited, you might here me mention it, not simply b/c I want to make money lol, but because people at the Ask Me Anything have told me they want to see other pieces of my work.
Speaking of the Ask Me Anything, it was really awesome. I and Zervziel wouldn't mind doing another one.
That being said, we do have a perma Discord Server up for anybody who wants to chat, ask me for tips about writing, etc, here:
I"m always happy to text.
In the meantime though, yes Alternia's getting one last adventure and Samudra is getting a side-story. Right now though... essay :P
On that though, who is interested in hearing about my original story idea?
I would give it a listen
Im almost done with Alternia's second story.
Loved the first one, love the sequel
Will gladly read more of her and this verse
Your writing has improved, all to the better
looking forward to reading more of your words in the future
That's the problem with some people. They might not read your response to a question or concern posed earlier by another reader, or they just might ignore it, and throw that question at you expecting an answer custom crafted to their liking. People just don't pay attention. I know this because I am people.
I was one of the ones who felt you got a bit Gary Stu with your villains towards the middle but I'm not the type to insult or tell you "rewrite it or else".
I know what you were going for I was just of the opinion it was overreaching a couple of times. Mind you it is very hard to do the whole overwhelming villain thing right without overreaching.
The only great examples of hero's in despair against a villain I can think of right now is "The Enchanted Library" by Monochromatic and "Spectacular Seven" by The Albinocorn. The stories are currently shitting on the protagonist left and right and Everytime they get a thread of hope it gets torn out and it's a great uneasy feeling in both stories.
Listen, you're a great writer. You do emotional drama really well. I have read Princess Celestia: The Changling Queen going on four to five times now. There are so many perfect scenes in it I go to skim it and end up reading damn near the whole thing.
Alternia's reveal, Alternia's past, Luna's reaction, the Changling interrogation, the whole Chrysalis confrontation, the negotiations, the fencing and assassination scene, Simulcris and Belladonna, Alternia's reveal to them, Chrysalis's discovery, Alternia's sacrifice, finding Celestia and rescuing Alternia, Alternia's reunions and revenge, hell even the weird multiverse chapter. All of them perfect scenes I have to reread everytime I come back.
I don't like the Abyssal Empress as much but the opening third is just as good. I ignored the burning comments section even though I partially agreed with some of the criticism, but My interest only fell off after one of Alternia's lieutenants died I didn't really care about his character too much I just felt he was too easily killed. After that I forced myself to keep reading until I burnt myself out on chapter 17 and moved it to my bookmarked shelf for when I got into it again.
I might not have loved Abyssal Empress but I still love your work and will be around for your next stories.
4506110 That's kinda how I was feeling back in those middle chapters. The overwhelming threat was just TOO overwhelming, and yet the characters seemed to be acting like they couldn't recognize that. The kelpies were being set up as so powerful that it felt like they could've marched on Canterlot and taken the castle in a day by sheer virtue of being totally unbeatable. Their problems with land wouldn't have even mattered since it would all be over so quickly. They didn't even have a leadership weak point because Tethys was exponentially more powerful than anyone else in the world, save for the Old One.
When we had nothing else to go on at the time, it was very hard to keep any immersion in the story since it seemed like the only reason the kelpies didn't just capture Equestria and secure a massive food supply was simply because the script said not to, not because there was some tangible thing stopping them. That's where I think all the Mary Sue/Gary Stu villain concerns really stem from.
I'd recommend reading Jim Butcher's Codex Alera series, which feature a species known as the Vord. They're an insectoid hivemind alien species straight out of the sci-fi genre, with their sole purpose of converting any world they come across into theirs, wiping out any sapient species and making the rest food. They vastly outnumbered the other species on the planet, and could adapt their forms to gain the most advantage over each species they fought. Yet they had well thought-out vulnerabilities that allowed the reader to remain immersed in the conflict, hoping that the protagonists will be able to triumph despite the incredible odds stacked against them. While victories tended to be minor and spread apart, they really felt like something big. Even if the victory didn't make a difference in the overall conflict, it helped balance everything out. The elimination of the Vord leadership at the end of the novels felt like an incredible accomplishment on the part of the protagonists, even though the actual fighting was nowhere near finished. Abyssal Empress felt like it had an entirely one-sided conflict, until plot decided that it was time for it to end.
Going forward, should you ever find yourself writing characters or species that have the potential to conquer the whole world with ease, it's really important to think of why they they haven't done so.
4506149 4506110
Wait what? I get Dragonwaz's comment about Buzz getting killed becuase yes, he dserved a bit more development.
I disagree wth what you're saying Winter though, because It was explained why they wouldn't conquer the whole land. They had no interest in the land, theyir home is int he water. Why would they have the bother of conquering the entire land? If they do so they'll pretty much have to administer their own food source. Better to secure their home waters, then if they did need a bite lash out and grabbit.
Not tomention if they did try, they can't attack for half of 24 hours due to the sun, and sheer population size of Equestria versus the Kelpies (there are seaponies but they can't go on land) means that there's no way they can conquer Equestria even if they did try. Kelpies have a very limited population after all.
4506169 They might not have interest in the land as territory, but i'm pretty sure they have an interest in not starving. Capturing the continent and eliminating resistance from it would secure a limitless food source, which from a practical standpoint is a pretty good deal.
You don't have to fight every member of a nation to conquer it. Precision attacks on key individuals can take out the whole power structure. We already had seen that the princesses were no more capable of beating the kelpies themselves. Hit the ports, capturing the ponies living there for initial food supplies. Destroy the ships and industry that's causing the pollution issues. Travel along waterways to quickly strike "inland" areas. Bait the princesses out of Canterlot (apparently easy to do) and kill/capture them when it's ideal. Now without leadership, they have the entire population available as food. Just pop in and knock down any attempts at leaving the continent via ocean, and take ponies as needed. The kelpies are pretty much special forces teams in this regard.
I mean, what are the ponies going to do? Their princesses are dead/captured, their military completely and utterly useless, and virtually nowhere is safe. They are, for all intents and purposes, nothing but food for another species. This would go far in breaking the spirit of the ponies and lessening attempts to fight back.
I admit that the second story wasn't my cup of tea, I stopped somewhere in the late half, I prefer my ships to be romance related and not sea-faring
That, and I tend not to care anymore about large scale conflicts (duels, small battles I do just fine, but larger tend to tire me). I blame the fact that I always identify/empathise strongly with one, and only one, character in a story, which end up with me not caring at all about most of the other characters, even more so if you adopt their point of view.
That being said, your skill, even if this one wasn't my thing, is certain, and nobody can take that from you. If you decide to write something slice of life-y , count me in.
I am also curious about your idea with vampires, seeing what you could do with it and whatnot. I am a bit wary, given the... discutable quality... of most fiction written with vampires these day... but given your dedication with your ships, I know you can pull off something good.
Also people, try not to start again with the debate and whatnot, he himself said he was tired and, coming from someone who read most comments involved, I can tell you that everything was said in due time. There is literally nothing new to add to this case, so please let it rest.
Oh well, look at that wall of text...
4506396 You kinda ignored the point he made about the sun. Cause the rivers in Equestria aren't deep enough to shield them from the sun during the day and that leaves a rather large window of time for the ponies on the land to regroup. And if they're transformed they're no stronger than a regular pony of that type. The Rivers could easily become traps since it controls were they go and is far more easily assaulted. Firing an explosive shell into the ocean won't do crap to stop them, but firing into a confined space like a river? That's going to reap a higher death toll.
Not too mention kelpie numbers are very low, meaning to stop in kind of evacuation as you mentioned, they'd all need to be deployed and guess what? Not every kelpie is in the damn military. They aren't underwater Sparta, they have kelpies filling other jobs as well.
On top of that, they can't do anything about flying cities like Las Pegasus or Cloudsdale. Even if they transform, they don't have the experience to fly let alone outfly a natural born pegasus.
4508483 Then I think it might've helped if those kinds of situations had actually occurred within the story itself, rather than having to be explained outside of it. Would have helped make the kelpies not seem quite so overpowered.
It doesn't make for good storytelling when you learn about an antagonist's weaknesses because some character is just telling the others/readers what the weaknesses are, or when the author has to explain it outside of the story. It's very much a "show, don't tell" kind of thing. We were shown the overwhelming strength of the kelpies in a very effective way, but it felt like we were only told that they had weaknesses.
4508541 the difficulty with showing that woudl be that the kelpies would have to make that mistake.
They know above all else how problematic they would be if they went into sun. Why the hell would they do that then, given their population is miniscule compared to the total pony population?
4508561 A young reckless hotheaded hotshot who thought he knew best because "KELPIES RULE!!!" and wanted to claim victory and end the war quicker?
There's one in every group man so it's not to farfetched.
4509685 I doubt there would be a stupid enough reckless hothead considering Tethys exerts an iron control over her forces... annnnd there are so few keelpies, even the hotheads realize that well... their reproductive organs are kinda vital
4509739 If I were to try and write in their weakness to the sun, I would have had some kelpies attempt a small raid somewhere and end up getting cut off from the ocean by a pony military force, or delayed by some accident (such as a building or debris collapsing and pinning the team in a location). They get stuck on the surface too long, long enough for the the sun to appear. The force of ponies that are delaying it realize that the kelpies' fighting ability is being reduced and the group comes close to capture, but manages to put enough pressure on one point in the pony lines that they can still escape.
The group goes on to report that upon the sun's rise, the kelpies lose much of their fighting capability when exposed to sunlight, and that report makes its way up to the princesses/main characters. Even if you can't write out the event itself, having such an event occur within the story would help to make it feel like the weakness was discovered, not explained.
4510897 Sorry, that wouldn't have worked. It just couldn't have happened and there's also some flaws in the reasoning behind the scene you propose.
You're acting as if we didn't explain that the kelpies did have a weakness to the sun and to light. That's not true at all considering chapter 13-14 literally had Tethys fling the Equestrian navy away the moment Celestia shined a bright light into her face. So yes, we did show they had a weakness to the sun and to bright light in general. And every battle that has taken place has been at night or in darkness. The hell we haven't shown that the kelpies fear sunlight.
If you're talking about the specific point that Zervziel mentioned here (4508483 ) in which he pointed out the problems of kelpies in rivers, then yes we didn't show that. Perhaps if you were writing the story you could have written it in, but I'd think you'd have a lot more difficulty than you'd think to try to justify why Tethys would have launched the raid.
You'd have to explain why the kelpies would want to have a raid that would go so long so that they would be caught in the sun when it's the thing they fear significantly. Yes the benefit would have been to decapitate Equestria's leadership and put the ponies in fear of them.
Yet, when you already HAVE a significant degree of Equestria's key leadership (2/3rds of it actually) is ON the water where they could eliminate with ease so why would one sneak so many kelpies to kill so many figures when they could just decapitate Equestria's leadership then? You'd have to explain why Tethys didn't just kill all the Venecians and Equestrians with another big wave, maybe not as the big as the one Samudra dying caused, but one that would have effectively allowed them to kill Alterni and Celestia.
And on that note, if they did decapitate Equestria's leadership somehow, then you'd run into a whole flux of problems. Who the would fix the damage done to the environment? Who would actually keep their food source healthy and happy and maintain the wellbeing of the ponies? The food source of the kelpies?
You can suggest that the kelpies strikes would keep the ponies complacent, but that's a lot a ponies and very few kelpies, and if they killed Equestria's leaders, that'd be a lot of angry ponies not wiling to submit to kelpie rule because they'll be backed into a corner and would refuse to surrender because they would have nothing to lose, which is something the kelpies do not want because they need a food source.
Okay maybe we could have had Tethys and the Aquestrian leaders have this entire conversation on why no subjugation of Equestria or the entire world... but wait... they'd just come out of a 1000 year war where one side was trying to perpetuate genocide on the other. Would they even consider wanting a prolonged land campaign carried out by a small group of kelpies that are very limited in population size that maybe could have managed to administer and maintain Equestria?
Or would they simply just have stuck to their plan of reinforcing their existing treaty rights, admittedly rather bluntly and without too much knowledge of international convention, but that would have forced the Equestrians and anybody else of the most important thing the Aquestrians needed to survive, the sea?
If I sound defensive here, well I'm perplexed that you're questioning my and Zerv's writing and implying that if you were in charge that you could have done something better, when I and zerv had to take everything I've said above into consideration when we wrote this story and designed not only the species, but the characters actions, and the eventual policy actions that all sides took, including every attack, every discussion they've had and how their changing priorities. Maybe you did consider something else I've missed and could have done it better, but this is how I see it and that scene you suggested just couldn't have happened in my eyes.