Read It Now Reviews #106 – My Night With Starlight; Noblesse; Every Time A Pegasus Flaps Their Wings, A Kitten DIES; Flurry Heart’s First Kiss; The Other Princess · 2:56am Mar 20th, 2017
I was originally planning on posting my TwiDash story today, but then I realized that today was the final day of Fan of Most Everything’s Imposing Sovereigns contest, which contributed several stories to today’s review set and will likely contribute several to the next one as well. As such, I felt like I’m sure a lot of folks’ feeds are full today, so my own story (which is basically done, though I’m still poking at a few edits) will likely go up tomorrow or Tuesday, largely depending on when I get the cover art done.
But don’t think you’ll be left wanting this evening; several folks have been hard at work trying to push out pony words to meet that deadline.
Plus Estee wrote a crackfic.
Celestia save us all.
Today’s stories:
My Night With Starlight by Queen Crimson
Noblesse by Carabas
Every Time A Pegasus Flaps Their Wings, A Kitten DIES by Estee
Flurry Heart’s First Kiss by Georg
The Other Princess by Ghost of Heraclitus
My Night With Starlight
by Queen Crimson
Sex, Comedy, Equestria Girls, Romance, Slice of Life
2,828 wordsSunset Shimmer and Starlight Glimmer have a humorous conversation over a nice cup of hot chocolate.
No, seriously, that's all that happens.
Why I added it: I’d read one of Queen Crimson’s stories and was curious about the others.
Review
This story is exactly what it says on the tin – a story about Starlight Glimmer and Sunset Shimmer having a conversation at Pony Joe’s. It is a pretty slice-of-lifey piece, ultimately – not a whole lot happens other than Starlight Glimmer deciding to go to the human world to see what things are like there, and Sunset Shimmer deciding to hang out with her more, with some slight lesbian undertones. It talks about the differences between human and pony culture a bit, particularly when it comes to clothes, as well as a bit about the similarities between Starlight Glimmer and Sunset Shimmer as people (and of what they’ve learned from Twilight).
Ultimately, this is a very lightweight story, and it is clear that the author can write dialogue – but at the same time, I was never particularly enamored with this piece. Slice of life pieces, due to their lack of a conventional plot, often have to hit a lot harder in other ways than other stories to really carry themselves, and I didn’t really feel like this one quite got there. The conversation is mildly cute, but there isn’t a whole lot of fresh ground or new insight granted here.
It didn’t evoke a strong emotion, and not enough really happened in the story for me to feel like I cared particularly about the events. People who are fans of slice of life pieces, and particularly fans of Sunset Shimmer and Starlight Glimmer, may end up getting more out of this than I did. But for me, it was something that happened, and it was alright, but it never really excelled in any dimension enough for me to really put it over the top.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
Noblesse
by Carabas
Adventure, Comedy
15,281 wordsIn the early days of Equestria, a dragon threatens the fledgling realm. It falls to Clover the Clever and Smart Cookie to find a way to defeat the beast.
Princess Platinum's helping too, though. Whether they want her to or not.
Why I added it: Carabas is a good writer.
Review
A dragon is threatening the realm. Captain Hurricane and Chancellor Puddinghead are off doing important things, leaving the realm in the care of Private Pansy, Clover the Clever, Smart Cookie… and, uh, Princess Platinum.
Naturally, this is less than ideal, doubly so given that Princess Platinum isn’t buying the old “I need someone to keep things together back home” shtick (doubly so as Private Pansy is pretty much going to have to do that anyway, given the competence – or more precisely, the lack thereof – of Princess Platinum). So off goes the intrepid duo, plus Princess Platinum, who takes endless advantage of the loyalty and patience of Clover the Clever. But despite Smart Cookie’s words – and Princess Platinum forcing Clover to carry her across a river on her back, while complaining about getting splashed a couple times – Clover’s loyalty holds. Because Princess Platinum is his friend, and he knows what she’s done for others…
This story had the shape of something good, but I have to say I didn’t particularly enjoy it. The real killer here was the pacing. This story clocks in at 15,000 words, but a great deal of it feels diffuse. The start in particular felt like it was several scenes which could have been combined into one, and while I understand the need for showing Princess Platinum’s awfulness and Clover’s loyalty, it still drug, doubly so because we already know that Princess Platinum is awful, so too much reinforcement of it made it feel repetitive. The whole thing felt like it could have lost at least a third of its length and not lost much.
The other issue is that the story is written from Clover the Clever’s point of view, but unfortunately Clover isn’t the best writer in the world. She has a tendency to use various archaic words, like mangonel, and obsfucated ones, like tisane (which is a type of tea), and his writing style only further contributed to the feeling of slowness of the piece, as Clover was not intent on being brief in his writing.
It wasn’t all bad, mind you – some of the antics of Princess Platinum were fun, as was the mental image of a tiny Princess Platinum waving her shiny silver sword at a huge dragon while shouting at it angrily. But
While I appreciated the attempt to show why some ponies might still be loyal to Princess Platinum despite her awfulness, the whole thing was overlong for what it was, and the sense of comedy of it was drained by its length.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
Every Time A Pegasus Flaps Their Wings, A Kitten DIES
by Estee
Crossover, Random
9,500 wordsOne day, Fluttershy discovers that every time a pegasus flaps their wings, a kitten dies. Surprisingly, she has a problem with this. So naturally, the only thing to do is make sure nopony will ever flap their wings again. In the name of the innocent, defenseless kittens.
You wouldn't think that would be the act which nearly destroyed Equestria...
Why I added it: Could I not?
Review
Estee decided that it is crackfic week, so… wrote a crackfic. But not just any crackfic.
They wrote a story about how every time a pegasus flaps their wings, a kitten dies.
Naturally, Fluttershy finds out, and decides to do something about it – without bothering to think about why there might be some sort of spell that kills kittens every time a pegasus flaps their wings.
You might note the crossover tag here. I overlooked it at first, but it actually lead to one of the funniest metajokes in this story, as I simply did not see it coming. Unfortunately, while the story explains the situation, there’s a fair bit of metahumor to this explanation – it isn’t that the story doesn’t try to be at all funny about it so much as that I think that knowledge of the crossover likely enhances the piece as you understand where it is coming from on a deeper (and more absurd) level than the explanation in the story.
However, I have to say that on the whole the humor in this piece is really mostly confined to the inherent absurdity of the situation outside of the start and finish of it – the idea of an Equestria-wide spell that kills kittens, the reason for it, and the disaster that ensues when Fluttershy tries to do something about it are things which are expected to be intrinsically absurd, but this story is surprisingly straight-laced about it, trying to come up with a plausible reason for it, a mechanism for how it happens, as well as a plot based around it.
This story takes its absurd premise and plays it to the hilt, creating a seemingly-serious plot out of it, and it doesn’t go out of its way to be particularly funny outside of the beginning and ending, with everyone’s favorite monster rabbit being briefly featured. That is not to say that there isn’t humor here, but it is relatively straight-laced, the sort of thing where a very serious man gets pied and refuses to acknowledge that anything is amiss so walks around with pie all over his face.
This is really the best way of thinking about this story – it isn’t a comedy per se, and doesn’t play out like a comedy, and yet it is comedic simply because the whole story is just based on such a silly premise. If you’re looking for a crackfic in the vein of Princess Cadance’s Official Princess Harem of Imported Humans From Another World, this isn’t that kind of story. Rather, it is more in the vein of Estee’s mid-length story comedies, though faster paced than some of those.
If I had a complaint about its plot, it would be that it still retains some feelings of arbitrariness – in particular, the solution to the problem is ultimately something of a deus ex machina, and while it sets up for the comedy at the end, it doesn’t really rise from the events of the rest of the story in any really natural way. Luna ultimately solves the problem, using knowledge that the audience lacks (though which was vaguely hinted at earlier), but it really doesn’t save it from feeling arbitrary.
Recommendation: If you are a fan of Estee’s other mid-length comedies, this is likely to be up your alley. And if you like the idea of seeing this idea somehow played straight in a piece, it might be intriguing enough to follow up on. If you’re looking for something completely wacky, though, you’re apt to be disappointed, and if something of a deus ex machina in a story like this would still bother you, the climax of this is probably going to bother you.
Flurry Heart’s First Kiss
by Georg
Romance, Slice of Life
1,653 wordsPrincess Flurry Heart has found something at school that she wants more than anything else in the world. Something she will do anything to get. Something that an unsuspecting young colt has.
An extra cookie.
Why I added it: Georg is a good writer.
Review
Flurry Heart is in preschool, and every day her mom sends her to school with just two cookies in her lunch. But one of her classmates – a colt named Taffy – gets three.
There’s only one solution – convince Taffy to share his extra cookie with her.
Princess Flurry Heart tries to do it the proper way – namely, by emulating the way that Cadance gets things out of Shining Armor.
She may not quite understand what exactly is going on between her parents.
This is one of those stories which relies heavily on the humor intrinsic to a child innocently emulating not-so-innocent adult behavior, in this case flirting. Flurry Heart is quite silly and simple and a bit selfish in her goal, but by the end of it a heartwarming moment is shared by all.
Though I think the poor colt may be slightly traumatized.
This is a very cute story, and the background on Flurry Heart’s third attempt in particular made me laugh out loud. Several of Flurry Heart’s misunderstandings of what is going on with her parents are quite amusing, and really make up the center of the comedy of the piece as she tries to use her feminine wiles on poor Taffy without understanding… well, any of it, including that she’s even trying to use feminine wiles.
If I had a complaint about this story, it is that it uses a tiny bit of cutesy spelling up in the front of the story for no apparent reason. It repeats one of the misspelled words throughout the piece, but I don’t actually know why, and it didn’t really do anything for me but feel slightly awkward.
Still, this is pretty silly, and I definitely got a few chuckles out of it. That being said, it isn’t exactly new territory; it is just familiar ground executed well.
Recommendation: Worth Reading if the idea of a child trying to emulate adult flirting without understanding what flirting even is amuses you.
The Other Princess
by Ghost Of Heraclitus
Slice of Life, Comedy, Stories which should have been posted as stand-alone pieces but instead were added to short story collections
5,401 wordsComedy! Intrigue! Gossip! Latin!
Why I added it: Ghost of Heraclitus is a good writer.
Review
Luna is struggling to fit into this new world. She is a thousand years out of date, understands very little about modern culture, and yet… well, she wants to be useful.
And sadly, Celestia, by trying to mentor her, would just be casting her sister in her shadow.
Clearly, this is a job for the Equestrian Civil Service. Or, more accurately, one Dotted Line, aging bureaucrat extraordinaire.
This is a fun story. Dotted Line is his usual self, and him having to deal with the larger than life and yet simultaneously still terrified of still not fitting in Luna is fun to watch. The dialogue is a lot of fun, as are the various off-screen events, which we hear rather amusing secondhand descriptions of from Dotted Line about just what an unholy terror Luna was to the nobility:
"Well, Your Majesty, it was a... a noble effort. Very, uh, very earnest. A few minor quibbles if I may. Firstly, we no longer draw and quarter ponies. Haven't for nine hundred and some odd years. Secondly, you can't order ponies executed. Equestria hasn't had capital punishment since the reform act of 514, and even if it were reinstated—which given the positions of the Crown Loyalists and the Front Pegasus is actually probably possible—you'd need due process. Thirdly, the usual mode of address for members of the Royal Council is 'my lord' or 'my lady' not 'brief mortals.' Fourthly, we can't declare war on Stalliongrad, it's been a part of Equestria since 344, and fifthly the person you kept addressing as "Lord Privy Seal" is the stenographer. We haven't had a Lord Privy Seal since 889. Sixthly, while I happen to know that it is true that Lord Trottingham’s in dire financial straits and that the Duke of Whitetail is involved with… who you said, those were rather meant to be secrets, and chastising them for not hiding them better—even though it was a rather excellent lecture on OPSEC, Your Majesty—doesn’t really help. But aside from those, ah, trifling matters, it went well, I think."
But for all that Luna might seem to be a wrecking ball, the truth is that Luna doesn’t want to be one – she wants to be loved, not feared, and given her prior history, the feeling of alienation she is getting is both all too familiar and yet still unpleasantly fresh.
Ultimately, this story’s resolution isn’t really emotional so much as it is practical, finding a way for Luna to contribute without feeling like she’s constantly trouble and using her strengths in her own favor. But while this was a funny resolution, I have to admit it didn’t really solve the more emotional issues that Luna was facing, making the conclusion, while fun, simultaneously feel like it only really solved part of the problem.
That being said, my issue with the emotional climax notwithstanding, this remained a fun romp. If you enjoy the civil service stories, or you enjoy the idea of comedy at the expense of an out of touch Luna, this is likely to be right up your alley.
Recommendation: Worth Reading.
Summary
My Night With Starlight by Queen Crimson
Not Recommended
Noblesse by Carabas
Not Recommended
Every Time A Pegasus Flaps Their Wings, A Kitten DIES by Estee
Worth Reading
Flurry Heart’s First Kiss by Georg
Worth Reading
The Other Princess by Ghost of Heraclitus
Worth Reading
Fan of Most Everything’s contest is winding down – if you are going to put in a contest entry, you’ve got about an hour left to go. I’ve noticed a number of stories from that contest which seem neat, and a number written by folks who are very talented writers, so expect more reviews of stories about princesses (of all descriptions) coming round the pike.
As for me? I get to finish up making a cover for Pony Magazine.
Poor Twilight. She never deserved to be in that rag.
Number of stories still listed as Read It Sooner: 185
Number of stories still listed as Read It Later: 600
Number of stories listed as Read It Eventually: 2092
Yeah, my entry into FOME's contest went like a lot of my stories go. "Wow this is great, and going to blow everybody else away. Oh, look. There's a better one just entered. And another. Oh, and another. And three at once..."
Just glad to get fore stars on it
4463744
Admittedly I should have written something for the contest, but I've been in such a non-writing funk that there's no way it would have gotten finished in time.
And while your story wasn't my favorite from the contest so far, it was certainly amusing enough to get the green thumbs up from me.
Given how many people I follow are in this contest, it was quite the line-up of heavy hitters. Something like a dozen people I follow have submitted or are signed up to submit stories in the contest.
Much obliged for the Noblesse review.
Sorry you didn't particularly enjoy it, but I'll admit it's a fair cop about the pacing - using quintillions of words to do the work of a couple's been a perennial bugbear of mine, and it'd be no surprise if the story dragged as a result. Some of the archaic words used by Clover were deliberately trying to get across the archaicness of the era - if there's no cannons, then mangonel-shot the closest equivalent comparator, and if widespread tea cultivation's not a given, then the catchall term of tisanes seems like a safer bet. But if those were archaic to the point of being clunky and distracting, then that's on me again.
Thank you regardless, and I'm glad there were a couple of things you were able to enjoy regardless. Similarly looking forward to getting through what other folk have written for the contest.
(Though I should point out that Clover's a she, not a he. )
4463991
Whoops, fixed!
While I did understand that you were trying to use archaic language to give a more ancient feel to it, it ended up feeling like it made the story stutter at points, especially with the more obscure ones. Mangonel in particular stuck out to me because the word catapult gives the same sense of an old weapon (as the mangonel was a type of catapult) but is much more recognizable as a word (it is used about 60x more frequently according to Google). It was used at a climactic moment, and it ended up being kind of disruptive as it took me a moment to recognize what it meant (I'm pretty sure the only reason I'd even seen the word before was because I play D&D), and then several more to look it up in case I was misremembering.
You're welcome!
Well, there's an intriguing teaser.
And yeah, that random impulse of mine succeeded beyond my wildest dreams. Though now I have quite a bit of reading to get done this week. Good thing I've been trying to take these as they come...
4463998
I blame my rampant mangonelling on Age of Empires 2, personally. It's a terrible influence to have had on an impressionable mind.
This post was especially helpful, since it covered stories by authors that i had read but only upvoted half their stories, and I'm always unsure about whether to try new stories that look interesting by people like that.
4465678
I'm glad it was helpful; that's always great to hear!
Hmmm, working on my review for Noblese for the whole contest thing.. just happened to see the link here in the comments while looking through quick and..... wow I had the utter opposite reaction, I loved it. The archaic words... fail to see the issue, it makes sense... or maybe I've simply read so much fantasy stuff where the words are more common they didn't phase me at all. I never felt dull or bored with it, it moved along perfectly for me, and just, all around I found it to be an incredibly enjoyable story.
The precise opposite of the next fic I read and need to review.... I fucking LOATHED reading it.. yet every comment or reaction I've seen praised it..... oh this ones going to be tough to do...
4482537
Most stories I read are by people who are fairly competent writers. Plus, FIMFiction in general trends towards mostly-positive comments (at least in my experience) - even on my most downvoted story, almost all of the comments were positive.
So even if a lot of people like something, it doesn't necessarily mean everyone does - and also, just because a lot of people liked something doesn't mean you're obligated to agree with them.
4482797 True, it doesn't help this one in question is a type of fic I just do not like in the first place, and this story hits nearly all the reasons why I find those types of fics bad. If it wasn't part of the event I''ve promised to review all of.. I would have just skipped it.
And also, mostly agree on the positive. Do see some negative often, but rarely constructively negative. I do all around prefer to make my reviews constructive, both in positive and negative parts, why something works/does not work. But when the whole issue is 'your founding premise is horrible'.... oh well see how it goes.
4482797
I've actually thought about this, and one way to help with some of the problem would be to make a middle ground bettween "Worth Reading" and "Not worth reading". A "50/50" area?
Also: HOLYCAPGHOTOFHERACLITUSISALIVE!
4486530
Everyone constructs their own rating scale. Mine exists for a reason.
In my personal opinion, the idea of a "meh" score is actually bad. The reason why is this: what's the difference between "meh" and "not recommended"? A worth reading is a story that convinced me it was something that people should read; a not recommended is a story that failed to do so. A meh, in my mind, is in the "not recommended" bin - if I'm not sure about it, then I should err on the side of not recommending it.
Why?
Because there are lots and lots and lots of stories. I find that in video game reviews, it is easy to give something a mixed score, and so you see lots of 6s, 7s, and even 8s out of 10. But many of these games aren't really worth playing - they're mediocre. There's better uses of your time. After seeing many video game reviews like this, I've taken to a much more cynical approach of reading such reviews, as oftentimes, the issues brought up are a big deal. Shadows of Mordor, for instance, was a game which got a lot of pretty good ratings... but the lowest one given out on Metacritic noted all of the issues that, for me, made it a meh game.
As such, my general impulse is to be less generous in my ratings because the goal is to point people towards things which are definitely worth their time. I do sometimes write a conditional recommendation. but only occasionally; I don't have a formal score for such things independent of my NR/WR/R/HR scale.
4486563
It's fair. The issue is, that it does tend to create such an 'either or' situation, that a work that is good but...or "almost good" is treated as a bad one. Still, you DO avoid the dreaded 'three point' scale that a lot of other reviewers have, and you do have a point that it would just lead to a LARGE amount of "Meh" scores. (When I did reviews, I had a similar thing, of games hanging out in the middle ground)
4486563 Do tend to see yours as maybe being a bit overly critical/harsh (not the reviews themselves, just the final scores). But then again I keep wondering if my overall ratings might not tend to be a bit to lenient and overly positive at times. For me to really say a story is actively not worth it it has to be actively BAD, actually do things that just piss me off or just be plain atrocious. Just have some thing outright wrong with it. And overall, the whole 'reviewing' thing became an outgrowth of my original FoE Liveblog/review which was started pretty much to give a positive counter to a very negative and critical to the point of just plain unfair one a friend was doing... and kind of ballooned from there into commentary and more in depth reviews....
That said, hey for once I'm not just popping up to say "Wow I really do not get that at all or agree with your points/recommendation on that story." First Kiss and The Other Princess Yeah pretty much gotta fully agree with you. Both fun, entertaining, if not particularly deep romps that just left a smile on my face the whole time, and had a good amount of D'awwww and BUWHAHAHAHA respectfully. Nothing extraordinary or major, but fun and entertaining and well done overall.
4489311
Heh. The reason I originally did reviews is because it encouraged me to read more stories, because it means when I read stories, I produced content.
It then kind of grew into a thing and now I really love doing it, and it has gotten me to think a lot more about what makes stories work.
4489572 Odd thing is, at times the reviews actually end up slowing down my reading, cause I read far faster then I can review, so at times end up just holding back and having to take a break while the reviews catch up. Or end up putting off a fic I've been meaning to read till I think I'll have time to review it.
But yes, doing this really has helped me get more into picking apart, looking at the worth and the stuff stories do well or not. Certainly helped me appreciate the good stuff more, and better understand why stuff is or is not working well.