[Explicit] Sunday Shenanigans

Full disclaimer: I've been drinking tonight, and I somehow think it's a good idea to not spell-check my words from here on out. Commence blog!

Good god today was a wreck.

Okay so, my work is pretty cimple, yeah? I go to work for a local vehicle rental place, which of course means i have a bunch of returns from last night piled up and waiting for me. Problem is - well, the first problem of many - there are enough rentals to completely block acceess to the employeee parking area of my lot. So I have to park in the customer lot, like some sort of peasant, walk all the way inside, disable the alarm, cock in, walk out, unlock my overnight box, grab keys, check in the trucks that are clogging my asphalt artery, move them, get back to my car, move back to my parking space, go back inside, get the rest of the keys --

And by the time I've done all of this, it's five inutes until I open. So I have to disable more alarms, set up displays, and open doors. Meanwhiele, I have a bunch of trucks and trailers clogging my driveway and preventing anyone from getting back to the storage section of my propety until I fix their problems.

Then I find out that one particular truck doesn't have a key. Because the guy who rented it the day before couldn't find the drop box that was literally ten yards away from him. He looked everywhere but where it was. I had to call the guy, leave a voicemail telling him "Yo, I'm ready for your shit, get up 'ere!" except I used more helpful words, and sit around on my ass while he took his time getting up there so I could take said shit. THAT ended up being forty minutes. Woo-hoo.

And that was the easy part. Christ, people, all I had for a break today was a fifteen-minute downtime, and thank god I had ordered lunch before then, because I had to spend that entire time inhaling my sandwich. Pretty sure I made for a disgusting sight, breathing through my nose as I took four-ounce bits of sandwich and chewing with my mouth open all troll-like. It was a horror to see.

No wonder people are leaving my workplace. I eat way too visually.

Okay well, today at work was a shitshow. Nothing qwas particularly hard, but there was just a hell of a lot to do. Everyone had a question, or needed some bill paid, or wanted to buy a roll of tape, or had some mundane pricing wuestion to ask that could have been answered by Google. (I broke my promise just now and corrected that because it said "Goodle" at first.) But I'm a good dog, and I was helpful, and I probably earned at least five favorable reviews thanks to my inability to say 'no', which means I'll get more thankless hours at the same shit rate of pay until I manage to land a job elsewhere. Now if only some serious offers would fall into my lap. Hi, I'm Leo, I'm good with sweet-talking, have we met?

Okay why am I being so PG-13 with myself tonight? Today at work was fucked up, man. I mean, nothing was badl; it wasn't even hard. There was just so much. Have I sadi that already? Fuck dude.

I needed a drink. Which is why I love my family up here in Maryland (who, by the way, are pretty much my sole source of socializing since I came up to this bucket of crabs). They were bored, they suggested hitting up a pub, and I just got back about twenty minutes ago. Good food, good beer, and nobody asked how many Weight WAtchers points everything was because we don't give a shit tonight. After so much piss and clogging trucks today, it was a good way to end the night.

I'm debating if I should keep going with some whiskey shots, considering that my next work shift is fourteen hours away.

And I just took one.

Okay I lied again because I typed that before I reached for my whiskey, and now I can't open it because it's stuck. My name is Leo, and I am weak.

IT OPENED! Heaven is in a bottle, and the bottle is between my thighs! OH, HOW I LOVE THE NECTAR BETWEEN MY THIGHS!

innuendo intended.

Welp that's that. I needed a way to finish more job applications tyhis week, and being at just the right corner of cognitive and shitfaced is a good way to move forward. And hey, Humility had a little more to it now! Trouble is, it hardly matters because it's all at the end. Oh, and FMP has a little more too! But it also hardly matters because it's all practice sessions.

I should update Switcharootaloo.

Right, that settles it. I gotta use the battroom again.

How many spelling mistakes did I make? HIUGH SOCRE!

~Leo
Have we met?